Surviving bedtime with baby and toddler

[StruggleStreet]

I have a 2.5 year old and a 3 month old. I find juggling both of them pretty demanding generally but bedtime is the absolute hardest part of the day. I very rarely get through it without everyone screaming.

How on earth do other people do this? It seems impossible.

Whenever I pick the baby up to feed, etc the toddler plays up and causes chaos and just generally gets upset about not having any attention. Whenever I put the baby down to deal with the toddler he screams. I can’t really settle one with the other there but can’t leave either of them long enough to settle the other because they both just cry.

I feel like I’m constantly having to choose which one I’m going to leave to cry long enough to get the other one to sleep, and then switch back.

It’s so bloody stressful. What am I doing wrong and will it ever get easier?

Can you get the toddler a baby doll so you both look after your 'babies'?

I fed the baby while reading stories to toddler. Then tucked toddler in and took baby to my room to put him down. If baby was being difficult, I explained to toddler that I needed to put baby down so I couldn't do quite as many stories tonight, and he was quite good about it. If all else fails, the kids have 2 parents and dad can sort toddler out.

Probably frowned upon by some but if I was doing bedtime alone I’d give my eldest the iPad and let her watch something while I put the youngest down. Kept her quiet for 5 minutes.

@MonicaGellerHyphenBing

Probably frowned upon by some but if I was doing bedtime alone I’d give my eldest the iPad and let her watch something while I put the youngest down. Kept her quiet for 5 minutes.

I would totally do that if I thought it would help but I know there would be a complete meltdown when I tried to take it off her.

Either a) baby in bouncy chair rocked with foot during toddlers bedtime routine or b) toddler quietly watches bedtime CBeebies (moon and me or night garden) on phone while during baby's bedtime routine

Toddler was allowed the whole episode of moon and me- after putting the baby down she took the phone into her own room to watch the end before doing her bedtime. Saves them screaming about you taking the phone (at least til you are away from the baby!)

Eldest has a treat of the iPad while the baby feeds to sleep. Works like a charm.

@Smerk

I fed the baby while reading stories to toddler. Then tucked toddler in and took baby to my room to put him down. If baby was being difficult, I explained to toddler that I needed to put baby down so I couldn't do quite as many stories tonight, and he was quite good about it. If all else fails, the kids have 2 parents and dad can sort toddler out.

I think we must have very different toddlers. There is just no way that she’s going to sit nicely in her bed while I put the baby down.

I think a lot of the issue is her behaviour really to be fair. She just won’t follow instructions so it’s hard work to get her ready and into bed even without the baby on top. I assumed this was just what most two year olds were like!

And DH doesn’t finish work until late so can’t help mid week. I’ve tried waiting for him and just doing bedtime later but then they both get overtired and it’s even more chaotic.

Thanks all. Sounds like screen time is maybe the key then for lots of people. Perhaps I’ll give that a go tonight and see. I think the issue will be getting it back off her without a meltdown but let’s see.
I would just love for the evenings to be calm but it always seems so fraught.

Toddler had supper then while I fed baby, I read him stories.
I made up stories to tell hi, sometimes like the ones we read, with toddler’s name as the main character , they absolutely love hearing their name in a made up story and captures their imagination.

*made up stories to tell him

You are doing NOTHING wrong. Hang in there it does get easier

Thanks @midsummabreak, it all feels a bit relentless at the moment. Doesn’t help that baby is up every couple of hours through the night!

Have you tried a sling for the baby? I found it worked wonders when I had to do things with my 3 year old but couldn't put the baby down x

It’s so hard being sleep deprived and getting through your tiny toddler’s ( very normal) ups and downs

Do you have anyone who can help with looking after the toddler, or mind both baby and toddler for a few hours at your home? Important to grab as many breaks as possible.
you want you could have a special box of toys for baby feeding time

@StruggleStreet

Thanks all. Sounds like screen time is maybe the key then for lots of people. Perhaps I’ll give that a go tonight and see. I think the issue will be getting it back off her without a meltdown but let’s see. I would just love for the evenings to be calm but it always seems so fraught.

Going against the odds but blue light before bed = lower melatonine and a rubbish night sleep.

You need solid routine and to get toddler to self settle. I have the same age gap as you and I did sort this before baby came along (not that this helps you now)

Set boundaries. It goes a long way.

Also it gets easier is a rubbish saying when you hear it at this stage but when 3m old is 9-12m (where we are now) its actually true!!! They interact more with eachother it's just so lovely!

You don’t mention a bath but if you do a bath before bedtime I would give that up! Never worked for mine it made things worse, we’d always do a bath earlier in the day, about 3pm before they got too overtired.

My oldest was difficult, but we had a routine where he was allowed to watch peppa pig in our bed with a bit of supper whilst I got the baby down. He wasn’t allowed to watch it during the day so it was special.

Co-sleeping sorted this out for us, both for naps and 'bedtime'.
Toddler, baby and I all snuggled down in 'the big bed', did a story while baby was feeding, then baby asleep into side cot and cuddled toddler to sleep. Often made sure to catch some sleep myself too.
DP happily decamped in spare room.

Oh I forgot my magic tool (I thought it looked too easy when I wrote it down), the toddler listened to his yoto! We let him fall asleep to it and kept him in bed while sorting baby.

Do they need to have the same bedtime? DC2 didn't go to sleep until later until he was about 6mo when he had more routine. He'd sit in the sling while I sorted DC1 for his 7.30pm bedtime and then he'd come downstairs to go in the basket.

Thanks everyone. Some good ideas.

I think I need to get into a better routine. We had a really good routine before baby arrived and DD would go to bed quite nicely, and I’m now thinking it’s probably the disruption to that routine that’s making her particularly difficult.
She likes to do the same things in the same order every night and gets upset or chaotic if I can’t do that. I used to sit with her in the rocking chair and read/cuddle before tucking her in and I can’t do that really unless I leave the baby on his own. Maybe I just need to get her used to a different routine that is actually workable with both of them.

I’ll try getting baby in the sling too.

@Sausagesausagesausage

Do they need to have the same bedtime? DC2 didn't go to sleep until later until he was about 6mo when he had more routine. He'd sit in the sling while I sorted DC1 for his 7.30pm bedtime and then he'd come downstairs to go in the basket.

I’m trying to stagger it so DD (toddler) goes to bed at 6:30pm and then the baby goes down around 7pm. I think the issue is more what I do with him when I’m settling her into bed. The sling might help for now and then I’m hoping when he gets a bit bigger he’ll be happier to just sit and watch and wait for me.

@StruggleStreet this is me!

I have a 2.5 and now 6 month old.
I also have a DH who works late so is rarely here to help.

I found 3/4 months the hardest in terms of bedtime routine so far but it's gradually getting easier. There are bumps though and often they both end up crying but you have to power through!

I've found the key is the timing of the baby's last nap as she can't manage more than 2.5 hours without getting extremely agitated and tired. If I get this right she's generally more chilled in the evenings. This isn't consistent though. Same for toddler, if he's his nap we have to start the routine earlier.

I take them both upstairs. Toddler in bath while baby watches in bounce chair. Then both in toddler's room reading stories. At this point I'll have baby on a mat and be cleaning her/bathing her and getting her in pyjamas while toddler plays or listens to me tell a story. Am also dressing toddler for bed at this time but let him potter about. Then put toddler down, then into my room, bottle, sleepsuit and lay with baby until she's asleep.

Don't get me wrong, it's not always this straightforward. Toddler often refuses to get out the bath which ends in a tantrum. Baby might cry most of the time....!! But we are slowly getting there and I think it's beneficial doing the same thing every night. I don't let toddler watch the iPad, as, like yours, he wouldn't give it back and would scream bloody murder.

I'm looking forward to baby being able to sit up really well so that they can share a bath. Things will slowly get easier... It's all just a phase and will soon be a distant memory!

@StruggleStreet can you do the bedtimes then other way round so baby goes down first?

Then you can continue the routine you had before