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Original poster

Having children close in age

30 replies

Babydust13 · 21/01/2022 09:32

Hi my son is 8 months old and my partner and I have always said we would like 2 children so we've decided to try again already.

It took us a year of trying and 2 miscarriages before my son stuck. I absolutely hated pregnancy and really just want to get it over and done with so I don't have to worry about it again (sorry if that sounds harsh)

I just wondered what it would be like having 2 young children. I realise it's probably a lot of work but my main focus point is I wouldn't want my son to be an only child

Is trying again this soon just madness 😂

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BeMoreGoldfish · 21/01/2022 09:34

Just over a year between my two and it’s fab! They’re teenagers now but so close and I think it’s been much easier to manage them than my friends who have 3 or 4 year age gaps!

AliveAndSleeping · 21/01/2022 10:28

I think the recommendation is to wait 18 months after your last pregnancy before you conceive again to allow your body to have recovered from the previous pregnancy. In practical terms of course many people don't wait that long And are fine as well.

The other thing that I considered was sleeping. DD was a terrible sleeper for years so while she was waking up every couple of hours I couldn't even think of having another one (too tired to ttc anywayGrin).

I think having two do closely spaced together is probably hard initially but the upside is that they might be closer and play more with each other / have similar interests.

In my case we wanted to start ttc when DD was 2 but then had a lot of personal issues so only started when she was about 3. Had two miscarriages and then didn't conceive for ages so we ended up with almost five years between them. I would have preferred a smaller age gap but that's how it happened. I do wish we had started earlier. I'm in my early forties though so if you are younger you might be less likely to to miscarry and be able to conceive quicker.

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Babydust13 · 21/01/2022 11:06

@BeMoreGoldfish aw that sounds lovely I do like the idea of them being friends as well as just siblings there's 23 months between me and my brother and we get on great now I'm sure we had our moments when we were younger

@AliveAndSleeping I'm 35 but after our first time I'm aware that trying to have a baby is not as easy as it first seems. My son is really good so probably lulling me in to a false sense of security and our next baby will be completely different and a lot more demanding my son is so chill.

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vodkaredbullgirl · 21/01/2022 11:09

There is 2 yrs 3 months between my 2.

RedCandyApple · 21/01/2022 11:11

I have 12 months between my two... they are not close to each other at all they barely speak 😂

Genevie82 · 21/01/2022 11:51

2 years 2 months between mine - very hard at the start, totally exhausting and I would say make sure you have nursery provision to support in first 2 years as it’s tough with a baby and toddler all the time, you needs lots of support from family that can help out and give you a break. DC 1 was an angel before DC2 was born but was furious for months after and I really knew about it! .. now they are 3 and 5 and play really well together but they also fight just as much which is something I hadn’t quite factored in!! On the plus side I’ve no more nappies to change, am out of the baby stage. Hopefully that will lessen as they get older ! Xx

Endofdaysarehere · 21/01/2022 12:04

I’ve got twins, and know people who have had triplets and quads. I’m pretty sure that two children is harder work that one, but it’s also very rewarding.

There is no perfect age gap, but also no bad one. Crack on!

RussianSpy101 · 21/01/2022 12:05

It’s not madness at all. 19 months between my boys and I love it. The trickiest part is when they’re both mobile; you have a crawling baby and a running toddler! But it’s lovely. Go for it and good luck!

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 21/01/2022 12:10

20 months. Now nearly 9yo and 10.5yo.
To me its perfect. Difficult at times, but thats having kids in general really!
DD2 just slotted into life really. DD1 loved her 'Baby'. (One of her first consistent words). I think they are genuinely best friends.. although DD1 loves getting away from her dominant younger sister at times! Also it makes holidays etc easier as they can do the same sort of activities (they like stuff like skiing, canoeing, adventure activities etc).

Babdoc · 21/01/2022 12:20

16 months between mine. It is gruelling at first (especially as DH died before the baby’s first birthday) but it does get all the nappies/broken sleep/teething/tantrums out of the way in one fell swoop, as it were.
And they both like the same age appropriate activities- rather than say a 7 year old getting bored while a toddler can’t keep up walking with them.

Original poster
Babydust13 · 21/01/2022 13:31

@RedCandyApple

I have 12 months between my two... they are not close to each other at all they barely speak 😂
😂😂😂
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Babydust13 · 21/01/2022 13:32

Thanks everyone I really appreciate the responses I think we'll just go for it what's the worst that could happen 😂😂 @vodkaredbullgirl @RedCandyApple @Genevie82 @Endofdaysarehere @RussianSpy101 @Aroundtheworldin80moves @Babdoc

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guardiansofthegalaxychocs · 21/01/2022 13:55

My are very close and it almost broke me. I’d say plan to pay for some childcare even if you aren’t back at work yet/at all.
Now it’s great from the point of view of doing things together as a family. But the first 2-3 years were honestly the hardest of my life. I had no family support or childcare though, family literally in another country. So it does dependent on your finances and/or wider family.

bestbeforedateexpired · 21/01/2022 14:04

18 months between our two. Got all the baby proofing, nappies, and sleep over in one go. Had no family support so put DC1 into nursery for a couple of mornings a week to have some time with DC2. They get on so well with each other and have similar interests. DH and I regularly said that we did the right thing having them close together. It has worked well for us. Going on holiday was really easy and we travelled from when they were both very little. DC1 is now 18 and the time has gone so quickly.

bestbeforedateexpired · 21/01/2022 14:07

@Babdoc

16 months between mine. It is gruelling at first (especially as DH died before the baby’s first birthday) but it does get all the nappies/broken sleep/teething/tantrums out of the way in one fell swoop, as it were. And they both like the same age appropriate activities- rather than say a 7 year old getting bored while a toddler can’t keep up walking with them.
Just read your post @Babdoc and my heart goes out to you. I agree about the age gap. My DH had 4 years between one brother and 7 years between his youngest brother and they have never really got on.
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Babydust13 · 21/01/2022 14:37

@Babdoc sorry for your loss

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The2Omicronnies · 21/01/2022 14:44

16 month gap between my two. They are best friends and I’m so pleased we had them close together. Yes, it was hard at first, but fortunately neither of them remember those days.

lovelovelove2 · 21/01/2022 14:46

12 months between mine and its great. They are best friends and play together all the time. Go for it

lking679 · 21/01/2022 14:51

Will your first be in childcare? I think that helps!
There is a BBC article on the gap, research recommends at least 12 months to prevent adverse outcomes for mother and second baby, it's quite interesting!
www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-46017789

lking679 · 21/01/2022 14:52

I don't think age gap has much to do with getting on though, my older sister is 20 months older but I get on with my brother better and he's 12 years older! It really is more personalities. Sounds like it's not about them playing together though but more time it takes to get there!

Cheesewiz · 21/01/2022 14:59

13 month age gap, was pretty brutal first 2 years and then after that it was great, glad I got out the way in a short period of time, they are 8 & 9 now and still very close. They didn't go to childcare until 3 years old so they spent every day together which might of made a difference

CindyLouWho1 · 21/01/2022 14:59

Mine are 18 months apart- we conceived the 2nd when our 1st was 9 months. It’s wonderful! It was tough at the beginning because the little one was a very difficult baby, always screaming. But now that they’re 2 and 3.5, it’s the best! They have the loveliest relationship and they’re so much fun.

TheWayTheLightFalls · 21/01/2022 15:04

I wanted a bigger age gap, so of course DC2 was actually DC2 and DC3 all in one Grin. It's really fine. You roll with what you're given.

RandomMess · 21/01/2022 15:26

The 14 month gap been my middle two is my favourite gap.

I had 3 DC in years 1 week. Tough going but I liked it. Much easier than the 5 year gap between the eldest ones

Chely · 21/01/2022 16:29

It's not that bad. Can be tiring and a juggling act sometimes but you'll figure it all out. Routines are your friend.
We've got gaps of 5yr, 16.5mth, almost 3yr, twins and 6yr. I like the potty training stage least and them ill at the same can be a handful.