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Original poster

Sleeping whilst baby on chest also sleeping

64 replies

hollydoyle · 10/01/2022 11:15

Hi there first time poster here,

I'm just interested in seeing everyone's views regarding "safe sleeping " and how everyone feels about a parent (mum) sleeping with baby on their chest who's also sleeping, for both long and short periods

My daughter (4 weeks old) will only seem to sleep/ settle on someone's chest, particularly at night time
Sometimes I be afraid whilst doing night time feeds incase I lift her up on my chest to settle her to fall back asleep and I accidentally dose off. Any advice?

Thanks in advance Grin

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Eustonhalf · 10/01/2022 11:18

I wouldn't do this, especially if you're very tired or under the influence of any medication or alcohol.

Have you tried swaddling/sleep pod?

Your baby is safest in a cot with a firm flat surface and no pillow, even if it's not their favourite thing.

TrialofTrials · 10/01/2022 11:24

I have done it regularly. The other option is no sleep for me which I consider to be even less safe. Just make sure you are comfy and stable.

Lou98 · 10/01/2022 11:28

I think it depends on how likely you think you are to fall in to a deep sleep and roll or drop her.

I personally never did it because even though I thought I'd be fine, I'm a really restless sleeper and I toss and turn constantly and I didn't want to take the risk. I was so tired that I wasn't sure that I wouldn't go in to a deep sleep.

I do also know others that have done it with no issues though.

Have you tried swaddling, white noise and tilting the cot if it's one you can do that with? They all worked great for my son, although obviously every baby is different and sometimes they just won't settle away from you

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Lou98 · 10/01/2022 11:29

Also, something else one of my friends did - she was confident she would stay lying on her back but she didn't want her arms to flop down and drop baby so she put him in a stretchy sling on her chest so that at least if her arms moved the baby stayed where he was

Ostryga · 10/01/2022 11:30

Sleeping with baby in a sling is horrendously dangerous so absolutely do not do that. My god.

Op look into safe co-sleeping and the C-position. Are you breastfeeding?

Hugasauras · 10/01/2022 11:32

No, this is incredibly dangerous. Your baby's airway could easily become compromised and if you're asleep you will have no idea. Please don't do it.

Lou98 · 10/01/2022 11:37

@Ostryga sleeping with baby on your chest full stop is dangerous. I didn't say it was recommended I just said that's what my friend did and it worked for her, no need for the my god🙄

heywhatswrongwitu · 10/01/2022 11:39

This is how so many newborns want to sleep and how many mums end up sleeping too - but very few people will recommend it because of the risks. Sadly I don't think there's any answer!!

minipie · 10/01/2022 11:41

I did this with DD for the first few months as it was literally the only way she would sleep. I had a particular style of headboard that helped support me to lean back so I could doze sitting up, plus pillows placed to stop me moving, etc.

However I have since read it can be very dangerous if their neck flops. But as a PP says I’d have to balance that against the danger from me as parent having no sleep as she literally would not sleep any other way (I tried everything). There isn’t an ideal answer.

Perhaps look into baby nests like the Cocoonababy or Sleepyhead as I think these would have helped my DD sleep off my cheat had they existed.

Amichelle84 · 10/01/2022 11:41

I'm lucky that my babies have always slept in a Moses or cot just fine.

But no, I would not do this - I always think of the worst thing that could happen. Not worth the risk in my opinion.

Covidclaire · 10/01/2022 11:42

OP this is really common with newborns. DC2 in particular had a massive aversion to a cot of any description at night for what felt like a really long time. Frustratingly they slept fine during the day.

In reality it probably started to improve after 4 weeks so hopefully easier times are not too far away for you.

What got me through was getting a couple of hours sleep in the evening before OH went to bed.

I also got a snuzpod next to me crib which along with swaddling was a game changer. I would highly recommend it if you can afford one.

AliveAndSleeping · 10/01/2022 11:43

Yes, This is very dangerous but I have to admit that I I have dozed off many, many times with Ds on my chest (by accident). I wouldn't recommend it but it's quite difficult to avoid if you are sleep deprived, breastfeed and baby won't sleep in their cot. maybe look into safe co sleeping practices as an alternative.

Diggersaursarethebest · 10/01/2022 11:43

My experience with a newborn was basically that all the safe sleep advice is things newborns hate. I spent lots of partial nights with my newborn asleep on my chest. And I did lots of curled up c position breastfeeding too. It’s all very well everyone telling you not to do it and to always put the baby back in their cot, but when you’re literally falling asleep during the night feeds you have include that in your risk assessment. It think it was less dangerous for me to fall asleep lying down with my baby feeding (tummy to tummy or both on our sides) than to try to feed sitting up with the intention of putting him back in the cot afterwards. But I had a full term (very late!) and very wriggly baby with a strong head and neck, I was breastfeeding, no smoking, no drugs, no alcohol, pillows and duvet nowhere near baby if he was in bed with me. Keep trying the recommended sleeping position regularly OP, they do eventually get it (although my baby took so long (20months) to learn to sleep alone on his back in his own cot that SIDS wasn’t much of a consideration at that point)

DropYourSword · 10/01/2022 11:44

I really really wouldn’t recommend this. It’s just not safe. There’s a genuine risk of smothering.
I would recommend looking up how to safely co-sleep because there are ways to make co-sleeping pretty safe.

MaizeAmaze · 10/01/2022 11:45

Where is Mum sleeping?
If anywhere other than a bed, it's really dangerous.
And if Mum is flat in bed, baby is on her front and not on a flat firm surface.
Sorry, its a no from me - and we mixed between co-sleeping, baby on his back, and him on his front in a crib, so going against the safe sleeping guidelines.

Have a look at the info at the Lullaby Trust, and see if you can find something safer.

ffscovid · 10/01/2022 11:46

I'd say no. Look up safe co-sleeping positions and learn how to sleep with her safely if you think you'll end up sleeping with her on your chest. From your chest, she could slide / roll off and end up unsafely wedged at the side of you.
I always said I'd never sleep with my babies but through sheer exhaustion I came to the conclusion that it was much safer to prepare a bed for safe co-sleeping than to risk falling asleep in a unsafe position.

Santaisstilleatingmincepies · 10/01/2022 11:47

As a teen my teen friend had a dc. Fell asleep with it on her chest. Poor bairn slipped down the chair and was registered as a SIDS victim...
Sad
Over 30 years ago.

Footnote · 10/01/2022 11:47

Better to feed lying down and fall asleep in the safe cosleeping position. The risks of cosleeping following guidance can be found online and they are only very marginally higher than sleeping in a cot.

girlmom21 · 10/01/2022 11:48

I think we've all done it by mistake. Night feeds with a newborn are particularly gruelling. But you need to be really careful and definitely don't do it intentionally.

roarfeckingroarr · 10/01/2022 11:49

I did this. The alternative was no sleep. People who have babies who sleep in a cot do not get it. Mine would've screamed until he vomited if put down, then it would take hours to calm him. Some babies are awkward beasts who only want to be on you.

SpiceRat · 10/01/2022 11:52

While pregnant I read so much about safe sleeping and not falling asleep with baby etc. Was very set on doing everything by the book and was (still am) terrified of SIDS. In reality, we had a baby that wouldn’t sleep at all unless on you (still will only contact nap through the day too! But that’s another thread). That was fine for the few weeks DP was off work, we would try and tag team and give each other breaks but when we returned he needed to sleep (works with machinery and would be incredibly dangerous if he was falling asleep at work). The only way I could function was to prop myself up with pillows and sleep contorted so I wa half laying in her Snuzpod. Terrifying but I couldn’t function otherwise. I would read threads like this chastising people who do this and it made me feel like the shittest mum ever. Then when I started speaking to friends about it, turns out they all had to do similar for a number of weeks to get thorough. Luckily by 5/6 weeks she started sleeping in the snuzpod without needed to physically be on me.

I’m not encouraging it or approving of it as it can be dangerous, there’s absolutely no
denying that, but loads of thing other people have recommended me do go against some sort of guidelines and are dangerous (like the sleep nests a PP has recommended upthread, those go against sleep guidelines so no better or worse imo).

Oh, and everyone will say co-sleeping will solve all your problems. Lol, nope. My baby didn’t even contemplate co-sleeping. The physical contact was the only thing that soothed her.

Original poster
hollydoyle · 10/01/2022 11:57

Thankyou so much everyone
We've tried the next to me, her Moses basket, her sleepyhead in and out of the bed/ next to me, safe co sleeping positions ( with partner in another room, same again I don't smoke, drink, drugs etc and no other possible things that could smother baby

She is so little so we will persevere with it and hopefully soon get into some sort of safe sleeping arrangement 🤞 and start sleeping longer stretches also soon!! Lol

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Original poster
hollydoyle · 10/01/2022 12:01

@hollydoyle

Thankyou so much everyone We've tried the next to me, her Moses basket, her sleepyhead in and out of the bed/ next to me, safe co sleeping positions ( with partner in another room, same again I don't smoke, drink, drugs etc and no other possible things that could smother baby

She is so little so we will persevere with it and hopefully soon get into some sort of safe sleeping arrangement 🤞 and start sleeping longer stretches also soon!! Lol

She was almost 2 weeks overdue, also has a veryyy strong head and neck control and no im not breastfeeding anymore but I appreciate your recommendations and will try swaddling etc again, she just seems to kick her legs out of it and kicks any blankets ( if she ever has any on her and always supervised ) feel like you have to explain yourself on here!! 😆
OP posts:
bcc89 · 10/01/2022 12:04

Making good habits earlier will make it easier for you later.
I followed safe sleeping guidelines to the letter, as I would never have forgiven myself if anything had happened to my little one, even when she would have rather been held on my chest to sleep.
She is one now and sleeps wonderfully in her own cot. Persevere and good luck :)

TheVolturi · 10/01/2022 12:05

Don't do this. Can you have the bed to yourself and cosleep with baby? I Co slept with all of mine from newborn. Look up safe co sleeping.

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