Sleeping whilst baby on chest also sleeping

[hollydoyle]

Hi there first time poster here,

I'm just interested in seeing everyone's views regarding "safe sleeping " and how everyone feels about a parent (mum) sleeping with baby on their chest who's also sleeping, for both long and short periods

My daughter (4 weeks old) will only seem to sleep/ settle on someone's chest, particularly at night time
Sometimes I be afraid whilst doing night time feeds incase I lift her up on my chest to settle her to fall back asleep and I accidentally dose off. Any advice?

Thanks in advance

It's really dangerous so no I would not recommend. MN is a strange place where it's more dangerous to put a baby in a cot in a room on their own (with a monitor) than to sleep with a baby on your chest 🤷🏻‍♀️

Have you tried a baby sleeping bag? They might be cold.

Have you tried one of those cots that you put next to your bed?

Would they sleep in their pram? Laid out flat or slightly propped up would be safer than on you?

Have you tried white noise? I remember being really frustrated in the early days that the only places my baby would fall asleep were ‘unsafe’ places ie on me, propped up on a pillow, in his bouncy chair etc.

Started putting him in his cot with white noise machine in the cot with him, on loud and left on all night- he has been settling and sleeping on his own in his cot ever since. Obviously now he’s bigger and able to move we have moved the white noise machine just outside his cot so he has a clear space. We do have the white noise on all night though, even when he’s feeding, if you use it to settle him and then turn it off it won’t work.

I now can’t sleep without the white noise sound either, it’s actually quite soothing!

It happens to everyone I think, but absolutely do not plan to do it - it's very dangerous. I dozed off a few times and woke up in a panic. Once I woke up dropping my baby - I managed to hold onto him but it was terrifying.

Plan to co-sleep following Lullaby Trust guidelines, if baby won't go in the cot. It's very normal for babies to want to be next to you, but it needs to be done safely.

Wouldn't do it intentionally, the aim is always to get baby in a cot of some sort. Have slept multiple times with baby on me though when absolutely exhausted though so try not to be judgemental about it.

If she’s escaping from her swaddle you’re not doing it right however I used to just use a Muslin cloth and do my boys top half as startle used to wake them legs didn’t seem to affect sleeping they’d be all wrapped up after feed and burp then snuggled down in their basket. Once too big for a swaddle they were in sleeping bags. I had them doze on me but I didn’t sleep I think once baby is sleepy after feed or bath swaddle and put down in basket I used to pat mine gently I think just my smell helped then they’d doze off. However I had 4 who all slept, I think with 2,3 &4 I needed to be able to put them down, house is always noisy - basket would be downstairs during the day then upstairs at bedtime they were just used to noise and people. Your baby is only tiny op, let her sleep on you whilst you are awake but be as safe as possible otherwise, you need rest too, you can get bassinet things that attach to side of your bed? Maybe that would work as she’s near you but I’m her own area too.

I've done it and did a lot of reading on making it as safe as possible. From this I concluded the following.

Whatever you do don't do it on a chair or sofa as there's a risk of baby slipping down and getting wedged. That's how the vast majority of cosleeping deaths occur. Far safer to sit with them on a firm mattress which is set up for safe cosleeping, even if you're not planning to fall asleep.

Don't swaddle if cosleeping because it reduces the chances of you being roused if there's a problem as they can't kick you etc if you're squashing them.

Personally I prefer to use an Owlet smart sock because it will alert you if baby gets into distress. It works for cosleeping because unlike a lot of other monitors it doesn't work on detecting movement (which can give false reassurance if it detects your breathing).

There's is an excellent Facebook Group called UK Cosleepers which has lots of good safety advice and non-judgemental support.

Good luck!

@Lou98

Also, something else one of my friends did - she was confident she would stay lying on her back but she didn't want her arms to flop down and drop baby so she put him in a stretchy sling on her chest so that at least if her arms moved the baby stayed where he was

That's literally the most horrifically unsafe thing I've ever read. It's a miracle that baby wasn't smothered.

Whatever you do op, don't do that.

I'd missed that about the stretchy sling that is so dreadfully horrifically unsafe.

Try lying on your back with the baby on your chest and when they are in a deep sleep clasp them to your chest and roll onto your side, so you are still tummy to tummy, but lying on your sides.

DS had really bad silent reflux and was 3 months old before we could lie him down to sleep or at any time really.
We just held him in shifts so we could both get enough sleep to not fall asleep sleep with him on us I’m afraid! Didn’t last very long though.

I fell asleep on the sofa with my baby on my chest. He was a few weeks old. I woke up and he was gone . My heart stopped ! He had slid onto the carpeted floor and was fast asleep on his knees with no ill effects . It was very frightening and from then on he went straight in the Moses basket if I felt sleepy. A friend of DD put her baby in a snuzpod under the extractor fan as the noise settled baby .

Oh dear, this is a new thing since my ds was little many moons ago. We did most of our sleeping with him on my chest...on the sofa.

Its a recipe for cot death, so many babies have died when parents have nodded off doing this.

Try side sleeping, and build up her ability to self settle by only putting her down when she's drowsy but awake......eventually she'll get it. .I know these early weeks are hard but persevere and it will improve.

I did, for a few weeks when there was literally no alternative. I’d would prop myself up with cushions behind me, in the middle of a double bed (just me and DD) and wearing thermals so I didn’t need a duvet or blanket. I never slept properly as I’d wake up as soon as she or I moved but it was just enough broken dozing to get through and survive. She wouldn’t do the “safe” cosleeping stuff at all, so that wasn’t the solution that many tout it as.

After this period she slept on her back in a Sleepyhead, which is also not recommended but felt like the lesser of two evils.

Not something I’d ever have planned to do or would ever recommend but…I did it and I doubt I’m the only one.

@MrsPelligrinoPetrichor

Oh dear, this is a new thing since my ds was little many moons ago. We did most of our sleeping with him on my chest...on the sofa.

It's not a "new thing" - babies were dying of SIDS then too, more in fact, because we did not know then what we do now. It's not safe now, and it wasn't then either. There is nothing worse than a "well I did all this with my DC and they are absolutely fine!" Parent who cannot accept that guidelines are constantly changing, due to critical new evidence.

The thing is, SIDS is a danger, but so is a parent who’s had no sleep. I nearly fell down the stairs holding DD when she was tiny, due to extreme lack of sleep. It’s a question of weighing up the risks.

Please don’t berate parents who have adopted a not-SIDS-ideal sleeping approach, because it was the only way their babies would sleep. If your baby would sleep in a “safe” way, lucky you.

Making good habits earlier will make it easier for you later.

@bcc89 doesn't work like that.

As soon as mine could see about 18 inches away she would sleep in a cot next to the bed and would sleep around 7 hours through the night. That's the amount of sleep I tend to have anyway.

I wouldn't do it personally just in case....

My baby would only really sleep on us at the beginning - we slept in shifts and occasionally fell asleep and felt terrible. Sometimes we could put him down with swaddle/white noise/in a sleepyhead next to us but sometimes he would only stay asleep on us.

I agree that some people just don't get babies who are like this -mine didn't sleep at all in his cot until he was 6 months old - just contact napped or in the carrier or buggy. It was not due to lack of trying literally everything mentioned above. I co slept with him from about 8 weeks and that worked. I also knew all the safe sleep advice, felt constantly guilty, but my baby didn't seem to have read any of it.

We advise specifically against doing this for a reason

I would try and safely co sleep with baby in bed beside you. Firm mattress. Covers pushed down, no pillows near baby. Not if you smoke or are tired. Have baby on opposite side to dp. I had to have an arm under my dc for her to sleep and breast fed in my sleep. I had a cushion behind me at first so I could stay at the right angle comfortably. Be prepared and follow safe co sleeping guidelines.

@minipie

The thing is, SIDS is a danger, but so is a parent who’s had no sleep. I nearly fell down the stairs holding DD when she was tiny, due to extreme lack of sleep. It’s a question of weighing up the risks.

Please don’t berate parents who have adopted a not-SIDS-ideal sleeping approach, because it was the only way their babies would sleep. If your baby would sleep in a “safe” way, lucky you.

True. But having heard the screams of someone trying to resuscitate their weeks old baby who stopped breathing, I wouldn't advise sleeping on a sofa or in a chair EVER

Sleeping with baby in a sling is horrendously dangerous so absolutely do not do that. My god.

I agree wholeheartedly with this. Do NOT lie down whilst you have a baby in a sling.

I did sleep a little bit like this with DS3 when he was a few days old. Apparently DH watched us like a hawk on the monitor. I didn't realise I had fallen asleep.

I actually read the book Safe Sleep, which is pretty well researched, and I think there was a bit in there about chest sleeping, but can't remember exactly what it said.