Children's party gift etiquette

[JennetHumfrye]

My son is in reception has been invited to a classmates birthday party. I have RSVP'd to the party but am now wondering what the etiquette is for getting a gift. I don't know the little boy or his family so don't know what he is into. Would it be strange to text his mum and ask him what to get? Or should I just put some money in a cute birthday card.

I know I sound like I'm making this more complicated than it needs to be, but I just want to check what other people usually do.

I wouldn't ask Mom, either pop money in, get a book or something generic that most kids like.

Small Lego set or orchard toys game, don’t overthink it, they just like something to open!

What we did - if we didn’t know the child or family at all, we’d quiz our child, and when that returned nothing at all, we’d buy something as a guess. Generally relatively inexpensive- reception age would aim for around £5-7. So a book, ball, fun toy, or something our child had recently had that they’d really liked (we bought a few pocket kites for presents at one point, as we were v impressed with ours).

If we did know the family or child a bit better, I’d either go off what I knew of them, or would text or ask - but in a very “let me know if there’s anything X would particularly like” kind of way, as it would be a nightmare for them if all 30 party attendees asked for and expected suggestions- especially as there’s the risk they suggest a £15 - 20 gift when you were planning on less!

Now they’re older, our kids are much better at suggestions and we tend to know the kids better too - and often now it’s a £10 with bag of sweets attached, or a few of us will club together to get something the bday child would really like.

@bigmilf

I think you should buy him five nights at freddys. Its a cute game about a teddy bear or so my DS has told me 🥰

Troll alert 🙄

Personally at that age, if it’s a whole class party, remember there are 30 other parents also wondering what to get. I tend to stick with a puzzle/sticker book with a written message inside saying happy birthday xyz from xyz (so it can’t be regifted) and some colouring pencils. In their frenzy of opening everything at home, they just want something to open.

Save for the bigger gifts once your child has an establish friendship group as they get older.

@bigmilf

I think you should buy him five nights at freddys. Its a cute game about a teddy bear or so my DS has told me 🥰

🤣🤣🤣

Colouring book

I take my children to chose something.

Well your son is the same age and they’re generally into similar things at that age. I’d take him into a shop (with a budget) and let him pick something himself

@vodkaginwine why would you object to your gift being regidted/donated if you've doubled up or missed the mark a bit? Surely it's more wasteful for it to be chucked away

Agree, a small inexpensive gift around £5-7 is fine, books/Lego/craft set/ball etc. Argos often have 2 for £15 deals on toys which are a good source of kid presents.

Yep pick something inexpensive that your son would like or that you reckon most kids would like.

I wouldn’t ask the parent or give money personally.

@vodkaginwine
I tend to stick with a puzzle/sticker book with a written message inside saying happy birthday xyz from xyz (so it can’t be regifted)

This is such an strange attitude. Why are you so precious about your gift being regifted when you're buying such a generic gift. Surely you want something which CAN be regifted to prevent waste - the child could receive 30 similar presents, what a waste if every parent is as odd as you!

For Reception age I would usually buy a book. When older, and the parties get smaller and friendships stronger, we would spend a bit more and have more of an idea what they are into. Not precious at all about re-gifting, our kids also have a pragmatic attitude to this and if we get a duplicate it goes in the present cupboard.

@Findahouse21 @StrawberryFever because working with children I know full well that some children don’t get to keep their new things. Not because it’s a duplicate, but because their parents think oh I could sell that, I could give that to so and so, oh you don’t need that etc. It happens more than you think, then I deal with an upset 4/5/6 year old in school because mummy took away new presents. It’s not about being precious at all.

Ah but @vodkaginwine has spent three whole minutes picking out a generic sticker book, surely they'll want to keep it for ife

I always keep it under £10. Usually a toy and a bit of chocolate. You don’t ask the mum because she’ll feel obliged to say you don’t need to bring anything when you do!

Cross posted @vodkaginwine, I do apologise

Money in a card would be a hit here, they'd enjoy being able to pick out some sweets or small toy etc.

Otherwise totally fine to ask his mum for some ideas!

£10 in a card and a box of Jelly babies.

Dd had a class party at the beginning of December. There is only so many games and stickers she will play with.🙈🙈
She received £210 in cash. It's in a jar every time she wants to buy something she takes it out of the jar.

[quote vodkaginwine]**@Findahouse21* @StrawberryFever* because working with children I know full well that some children don’t get to keep their new things. Not because it’s a duplicate, but because their parents think oh I could sell that, I could give that to so and so, oh you don’t need that etc. It happens more than you think, then I deal with an upset 4/5/6 year old in school because mummy took away new presents. It’s not about being precious at all.[/quote]
Wow. I didn’t know there was such a lucrative market for cheap second hand puzzle books 🙄 and how does working with children = you having all of the knowledge on what all the children parents do with unwanted books?

I think @vodkaginwine probably makes a fair point but the children being thrown parties aren’t usually the kids hard done by on the gift front.
I do a lot of regifting because people by my dd smellies and sweets. She has eczema and is very picky about food. She definitely gets lots of gifts though that she keeps

@vodkaginwine

Personally at that age, if it’s a whole class party, remember there are 30 other parents also wondering what to get. I tend to stick with a puzzle/sticker book with a written message inside saying happy birthday xyz from xyz (so it can’t be regifted) and some colouring pencils. In their frenzy of opening everything at home, they just want something to open.

Save for the bigger gifts once your child has an establish friendship group as they get older.

Haha. Thank you. I've bought some really cheap brand new books from the charity shop which are extra cheap because they've got a message like that in! See them in there quite often too. Weird attitude though.... If people don't want thr stuff you've bought, they're not going to change their mind because you wrote a message in it

I always buy books. You really can't go wrong with them. I would make sure it isn't a popular one, though, as the child may already have it (so no Julia Donaldsons etc).