Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Potty training- what am I doing wrong?

45 replies

neverbeenskiing · 09/01/2022 13:30

DS is 3y and 3months and I got what felt like a telling off from his keyworker at nursery the other day about how he "really should be potty trained by now" and is "definitely ready". She made a point of telling me that he was one of the only ones still in a nappy and I felt awful. We have tried before a couple of times, unsuccessfully, and he got quite upset about the whole thing so we wanted to wait until he was definitely ready. I explained that I was planning to attempt again when I have a week off work in February (we both work FT) but Nursery were quite insistent he is ready now and we shouldn't delay any further so we decided to tackle it again this weekend.

Day 2 and I'm already feeling completely despondent about the whole thing. Story books about toilet training, sticker charts, bribery, letting him watch us use the toilet..
none of it makes any difference to him. We got through 8 pairs of pants yesterday and by the end of the day he'd gone from being disinterested in the toilet to actively resisting it. Same with the potty. He doesn't seem to have any warning when a wee or poo is coming, he just starts doing it wherever he's stood and then says "uh oh" once it's already happening. Every time I suggest sitting on the toilet now he screams "no!" and runs off.

I know it's only day 2 but I just can't see how we're ever going to be able to get out and do normal things again. He's always full of energy and doesn't sleep well so normally the way I cope is by keeping busy and spending lots of time out of the house with him.

I feel like I've failed. If all of his peers are managing to do it, and Nursery are so sure he's ready then I must be doing something wrong. Should I put him back in nappies or will that confuse him? Now I've started should I just keep going even though he doesn't seem to be getting it?

Any advice or words of encouragement would be gratefully received.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

BunnyRuddington · 09/01/2022 13:57

My best advice is to just stop now. It's making you both unhappy.

I bought Successful Potty Training which I found really helpful. It's not a how to, more peoples experiences but it does give you the courage to do things how you want to.

Having a portable potty and a toilet seat helped as well. If you wait until it's warmer it will also be easier as you can stay in the garden with a potty.

CoodleMoodle · 09/01/2022 14:05

You haven't failed OP. I don't think so, anyway. If my DS's preschool hadn't somehow convinced him to sit on the toilet then he'd still be in nappies now. They managed it at 3yrs 3mo so we just carried on at home, he's now 3yrs 6mo and HATES using the potty/toilet. I mean I have to physically manhandle him to get him to sit there half the time, whereas other times he does it but complains the whole time. He knows how to do it, he just doesn't want to! If your DS isn't ready, he isn't ready.

No advice, but solidarity. I'm a bit further down the road than you and it's getting better, slightly... My DD practically potty trained herself at 3 so this has been an experience!

Fallagain · 09/01/2022 14:06

Wait until February so you can dedicate time to it. A couple more weeks isn’t going to make a difference at this point. Stay in the house for at least the first days and keep him naked, every time he starts weeing pick him up and put him on the potty mid wee and say you wee on the potty now. He needs to learn what it feels like to wee and then to need a wee. For the first day or so he will wee every where.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

3 year olds Families General parenting Potty training

Original poster

neverbeenskiing · 09/01/2022 14:08

My DD practically potty trained herself at 3 so this has been an experience!

Same here! DD just whipped her nappy off one day, announced that she was a big girl and would be using the toilet from now on and that was that. I didn't expect it to be that easy with DS but I didn't think it would be quite so hard either.

OP posts:

Topjoe19 · 09/01/2022 14:09

I agree with @fallagain Don't put any pants on him or he'll think its a nappy & just go in it. They pee everywhere on the first day or so don't give up too quickly! He'll get it but definitely wait til you've got the time off so you can concentrate on it. Good luck.

Mercedes519 · 09/01/2022 14:11

I remember being here on day 2 ready to cry with frustration.

Ds suddenly got it at 3pm on day 3. He’s 12 now but it all comes flooding back…

Original poster

neverbeenskiing · 09/01/2022 14:13

That's interesting that people are saying don't put pants on him. During our last attempt we just had him naked from the waist down but the Health Visitor specifically said put him in pants, her rationale was that it's not a pleasant sensation when they're wet so it's an incentive to go on the potty/toilet instead.

OP posts:

Mercedes519 · 09/01/2022 14:15

I went pant free just to save on washing. It’s uncomfortable enough with wee dripping down your leg surely?

Original poster

neverbeenskiing · 09/01/2022 14:19

I went pant free just to save on washing. It’s uncomfortable enough with wee dripping down your leg surely?

That's what I thought but HV thought different! He has now taken his pants off of his own accord anyway. He'll have to be fully dressed for Nursery tomorrow though. I will have to send him in with at least half a dozen spare pairs.

OP posts:

KnobJockey · 09/01/2022 14:19

The oh crap book comes highly recommended.

I think the general gist is- naked for few days. They don't know what the feeling of a wee is. You need to teach them.
So day 1- hover with a potty, watch like a hawk, any hint that a wee is coming sit them down. They need to learn that THAT feeling means a wee. The first wee on a potty basically will be a lucky accident, as how do they know what the end result is? Theyve never seen it before.
Next- they might recognise when they've had a wee
Next- the might recognise when they are having a wee
Finally- they might start to recognise when they need a wee.

Pants will absolutely effect this, as the little one hasn't got a clue that one thing on his bum is fine to weebin, but anyother thing isn't.

Original poster

neverbeenskiing · 09/01/2022 14:22

He has done a wee on the potty and in the toilet a few times but only because one of us has noticed that he was weeing and popped him on there mid-stream.

OP posts:

sippedanotherrumandcoke · 09/01/2022 14:23

Keep going if you can! But I did it over an Easter weekend so we dedicated a good 4 days solidly to it. Same as you, terrified of the loo and a bit scared of the potty.

Naked from the waist down and a potty in each room, I had 6 IKEA cheap ones! Let him decorate them. Sticker charts and we did a little celebration party. He chose a big ticket item dump truck as a toy to work towards if he filled the stickers. He was theee months off turning 3.

Day two I was despondent and in tears.

It clicked on day three for us but were having odd accidents for a couple of months.

iPhone on a stand and sitting on the potty watching tv.

Also you have to fill them with juice/water so that they pee more often so that you get more chances and attempts to learn.

Original poster

neverbeenskiing · 09/01/2022 14:26

Based on all these responses I really wish I'd stuck to my guns and not let the pushy Nursery worker talk me into starting this weekend. Now I'm back at work tomorrow and he's back in Nursery, I feel like it would have been much better to wait until I have a week off as I'd planned. But if I put him back in nappies now and wait until Feb then I'm worried that will confuse him, and the last two days of stress will have been for nothing.

OP posts:

sippedanotherrumandcoke · 09/01/2022 14:31

All is not lost. You can go into pull ups and have a go after nursery. Encourage a quick wee before bath on the potty. Or first thing upon waking etc.

I will say that during our four days we had to put him on the potty most of the time and he would go to it willingly right at the end. You need time to watch him like a hawk and every 10-15mins ask him if he need a wee.

AnnaMagnani · 09/01/2022 14:32

My DM did it by getting me naked and wearing welly boots.

Apparently I very much was ready, just didn't want to. The wet feet acted as motivation.

EcoCustard · 09/01/2022 14:34

I used the chocolate button method. No pants for the first day or two. Take to the potty or toilet, if they go for a wee or poo they get a button (1 for a wee, 2 for a poo). If they sit on it but do nothing I gave lots of praise. Initially I would take them every 15 minutes on day one then lengthen the time for the first few days. Once they grasped it I reduce the buttons. Used this method for all 4 dc and all potty or toilet trained quickly. I never used pull ups unless at bedtime.

nuggetschicken · 09/01/2022 14:36

I'm a nursery worker myself, I wouldn't tell a parent that their child should be potty trained and they're the last one to do it. I do say if they're showing signs of readiness, such as dry nappies or asking to be changed. Sometimes we have children in nappies that ask to use the toilet because their friends are so I'll pass that information on. I don't think it's my place to say anymore than that.
However, now you've started I'd see how it goes for a week before stopping for a month or two if he's definitely not ready. Try sending him to nursery in pants and see what happens, there's a chance he might copy his peers and use the toilet. You'll need to send about 8 pairs of pants/trousers/socks just in case! I'd maybe ask them to put a pull-up/nappy on if he does get down to his last change of clothes.

Aozora13 · 09/01/2022 14:36

I absolutely hated potty training, but did it successfully with a modified version of the o crap method. Started with them naked and me watching them like a hawk, whizzing them onto the potty when I spotted the first pee-pee signs. Pants are confusing as they have a snug feeling like a nappy, but once they’re getting the feeling of needing to go and (mostly) making it to the potty/toilet, you add clothing, start leaving the house and build up step-wise til they’re dry. DD1 nailed it in a week. DD2 needed 2 weeks - nursery were grumbling and wanting to put her in pull-ups but just as I started doubting myself something clicked and she’s barely had an accident since.

But every kid is different, it might work for you or another way might be better, or the lad might just need a bit more time.

NannyR · 09/01/2022 14:38

I keep them in pants and loose joggers, I've never done the naked from the waist down thing (I personally feel that I should respect children's dignity) and it doesn't seem to cause any issues with being confused about whether they are wearing nappy or pants.
I've noticed that the 2yr old that I'm training at the moment prefers to have some privacy, he doesn't like to have the potty in full view. I'd also second the advice of getting them to drink plenty so they wee more often.

Aozora13 · 09/01/2022 14:40

Sorry just seen your latest post. Personally I’d pop him in pull-ups and do it when you have a week off so you can really focus on him getting the basics. It’s ok to have a couple of false starts! And he might figure things out by himself in the meantime.

Skyeheather · 09/01/2022 14:46

I had exactly the same conversation with my son's nursery except that they said they would do everything they could to help me so, the next day when we arrived at nursery I took him into the toilet, swapped his nappy for pants and handed him over to his key worker with a bag full of pants and trousers. They literally sent him to the toilet every ten minutes for the whole week and he had got it by the end of the week. There were many more weeks of endless washing and accidents (mainly at home) but we never went back to nappies. We had to go straight to toilet training though as the nursery only had toilets so the potty never got used.

If the nursery think he's ready let them crack on. They are trained in toilet training, they do it everyday (it's their job) and they're used to accidents. I found the nursery a big help because it wasn't my floor he was wetting and it wasn't me having to clean up the mess. Let them help, you have to do it sometime, what have you got to lose?

nuggetschicken · 09/01/2022 15:05

@Skyeheather Sorry but I disagree. It isn't nursery's responsibility to toilet train, the main focus should be at home and nursery will support. If he's still having 5+ accidents a day after a week then it's time to stop. OP has a week off in February which is ideal for toilet training.

Original poster

neverbeenskiing · 09/01/2022 15:32

@nuggetschicken ordinarily I would agree with you, it's my job not theirs, but it's the Nursery who have pushed for this. When I said I wanted to wait until I had a week off work DS's keyworker was very clear that she didn't approve and that we should start the process ASAP. I felt very pressured to agree. If they now change their minds and say I need to put him back in nappies again because they can't cope with all the accidents I will feel pretty frustrated to be honest.

OP posts:

Babyghirl · 09/01/2022 15:39

@neverbeenskiing
Can you maybe try something like this to c if he would use it

GoodnightGrandma · 09/01/2022 15:41

Get nursery to start the ball rolling there if they’re so sure he’s ready,

Flip

1 2