To ask what you feel guilty about as a parent..if anything

[Mollie12]

That’s it really…I struggle with guilt so bad

Most things. Isn't that normal?

I think the guilt is one of the worst things about being a parent. Even if things are going swimmingly, you will convince yourself you're doing something wrong.

Honestly, not much and if I do it's relatively fleeting. But I actively try not to feel the 'mum guilt'. I'm trying my best (most of the time), my kids are clearly happy and thriving so looking at the whole picture and not one off moments then we're doing great. I think it's much easier to be a parent when not feeling guilty or double guessing every decision or action you take.

Mostly my child’s diet. I’m a terrible cook but try so hard to ensure he has a balanced and varied diet most days (I repeat a lot of meals which plays on my mind)
Doesn’t help that my friend has a baby a few months younger and absolutely everything has been homemade and delicious since the first meal she had 😔

I don’t have any guilt. I try to do my best and that’s enough for anyone.

My eldest is a teen and I feel he doesn't get the same level of attention as his younger siblings, one who has a disability. He's a typical teenager going through an awkward stage and probably needs me more but the younger kids take almost all of me.

I think I can be too strict on her. She is a teen now and such a good girl but sometimes I think I am too strict. My husband is good though and pulls me aside when he thinks I am being too tough.

Who their Dad is.

Being short tempered and snappy; regret it the min it happens but then do it again 10 min later.

Just have to be so patient with other kids at school by the time I see mine on weekend I’m exhausted and snappy

Everything 😂

My dd has grown up without a Dad so I have have a lot of guilt around that. She's 15yo now and I look back at when she was a baby and feel guilty that I really had no clue what I was doing. She's developed an ED through lockdown so I have guilt about that and regret that I could have handled certain things better.

I do remind myself that I've done my best and she's a lovely girl (most of the time) so I must have done something right.

@Footnote

I don’t have any guilt. I try to do my best and that’s enough for anyone.

Same here. I feel that I did my best. Its always women made to feel guilty not men. So fuck that shit!

Have you identify what aspect makes you feel guilty or it's a general feeling?

Mine are adults now but I never felt guilty about anything.
My logic was....
I'm working to provide security
I'm not working to spend time with you
We are eating this as it's good for you
We are doing this a you can try new things
I just rationalised everything.

StEval

Footnote

I don’t have any guilt. I try to do my best and that’s enough for anyone.

Same here.
I feel that I did my best.
Its always women made to feel guilty not men.
So fuck that shit!

That's not true. My husband's a great Dad and he feels guilty about stuff.

Everything…including feeling guilty about feeling guilty.

I had no idea parenting would be so hard and objectively I’ve got so much wrong with a suicidal tween, and another with anxiety because of the aforesaid.

Trying to parent through the maze of options with an asd dc has felt like every option is some degree of wrong. And every professional we’ve seen does their utmost to reinforce the conclusion that I’ve fucked him up somehow.

@Theblacksheepandme

StEval

Footnote

I don’t have any guilt. I try to do my best and that’s enough for anyone.

Same here.
I feel that I did my best.
Its always women made to feel guilty not men.
So fuck that shit!

That's not true. My husband's a great Dad and he feels guilty about stuff.

Well its true for the vast majority. Men are not bombarded with are you working/ not working ? They are not questioned at all! If you feel guilty then it implies you have done something wrong. If you have change it , if you havent then no need to feel guilty.

I feel guilty about most things, but weirdly, parenting isn't one of them. I'm far from perfect at parenting but dd is happy, healthy and thriving, so I can't be doing too badly!

My Mother thinks she was an amazing Mother and doesnt feel an ounce of guilt. She was a terrible Mother.

@Theblacksheepandme

My Mother thinks she was an amazing Mother and doesnt feel an ounce of guilt. She was a terrible Mother.

Is that aimed at me? I am in a similar situation regarding my DM and I never said I was an amazing mother but Ive done nothing that I should feel guilty about either. If I genuinely felt guilty then I would move heaven and earth to make changes.

Everything. The biggest right now though is the guilt I have sending my DS to school when I know homeschooling would suit him better. I'd love to be able to take him out of that environment but I have to work so we can live.

Oh God a massive trunkful. I try to keep the lid closed.

The big ones; having him in the first place, having him with a very ill dh who has now died, only having one child. Not managing to help him practice cricket (he gave up years ago). Not reading him bedtime stories well enough. Not being patient enough. A few prank hugs as well.

[Forces lid closed again]

Not giving them music lessons and encouraging sport which they hated

I feel guilty all the time. I have anxiety and am now medicated, have healthy coping mechanisms, but before therapy I was cranky and irritable and I can't get that time back with the kids.

It's when they reach adulthood that's been the killer for me. When they were kids I was pretty happy with my parenting. But when they're fully baked and it's too late to change anything, any issues that they have can cause one to look back and over think.

My eldest's cute 'always doing her best' turned into an adult whose perfectionism is a burden and causing anxiety, for instance. I'd have done a lot differently had I known the adult she'd be.

StEval

Theblacksheepandme

My Mother thinks she was an amazing Mother and doesnt feel an ounce of guilt. She was a terrible Mother.

Is that aimed at me?
I am in a similar situation regarding my DM and I never said I was an amazing mother but Ive done nothing that I should feel guilty about either.
If I genuinely felt guilty then I would move heaven and earth to make changes.

It genuinely was not aimed at you. I do feel self conscious that I don't go through life thinking I am doing everything right as a Mum like my Mum did. We regularly have open discussions with my daughter to see if we can do better and if she's happy.