To ask what you feel guilty about as a parent..if anything

[Mollie12]

That’s it really…I struggle with guilt so bad

@Theblacksheepandme

StEval

Theblacksheepandme

My Mother thinks she was an amazing Mother and doesnt feel an ounce of guilt. She was a terrible Mother.

Is that aimed at me?
I am in a similar situation regarding my DM and I never said I was an amazing mother but Ive done nothing that I should feel guilty about either.
If I genuinely felt guilty then I would move heaven and earth to make changes.

It genuinely was not aimed at you. I do feel self conscious that I don't go through life thinking I am doing everything right as a Mum like my Mum did. We regularly have open discussions with my daughter to see if we can do better and if she's happy.

I think its different to question your parenting ( as I having a less than ideal childhood, always do) to feeling guilt. Perhaps its the definition of guilt? Guilt to me is if Ive done something I shouldnt not that life/ parenting is full of challengesand compromises.

Isn’t guilt just part of parenting? I can list loads….

Waiting until 30 to try, as DP a decade+ older
Working full time, term time
Lots of screen time
Allowing fussy eating to develop through lack of time
Having to spend weekends catching up on housework
Having to work every evening and thus being less patient with evening wakes
Not being able to afford the experiences I grew up with - skiing, horses etc

I’m learning to live with the guilt now. Funny how a lot of men either don’t seem to feel the guilt or just don’t talk about it.

Everything that doesn't seem perfect and ideal with respect to DD I feel guilty about.

Most of all for dogmatically breastfeeding her inspite of her slipping down the weight centile lines. If I could change one thing it would be that.

For anyone interested there is a ted x by yuko munakata about the science behind how parents influence kids, worth a listen, but bottom line is be kinder on yourself as a parent.

@Timeturnerplease

Isn’t guilt just part of parenting? I can list loads….

Waiting until 30 to try, as DP a decade+ older
Working full time, term time
Lots of screen time
Allowing fussy eating to develop through lack of time
Having to spend weekends catching up on housework
Having to work every evening and thus being less patient with evening wakes
Not being able to afford the experiences I grew up with - skiing, horses etc

I’m learning to live with the guilt now. Funny how a lot of men either don’t seem to feel the guilt or just don’t talk about it.

You are me and I am you, I would also throw in that despite me having holidays off (which in my mind helped me minimise the guilt of my DS having to have full time childcare) I also feel guilt during holidays that I want some time off.

It's bloody thankless and next time I would probably reconsider how I did childcare! Mum guilt is bloody potent

I feel guilty for managing to breastfeed one baby and not the other

Honestly.
Nothing.

@Mollie12 this is your second thread in a few days about this, have you reached out to your health visitor or GP?
I hope you manage to find some peace with this, how your baby was fed is really unimportant in the grand scheme of things so long as they are happy and healthy x

I’m really not ok I feel terrible about it

Sorry to hear you are struggling with this @Mollie12 would also recommend a chat to Health Visitor and/or GP. I wasn't breastfed as a baby but have always been very healthy.

Minor guilt over TV watching for toddler, for spending too much time on my phone and not being present, for the times I have been impatient with him and a few sleep related things.

I remind myself though is that no parent is perfect we are all just doing the best we can. The main thing is that he is healthy, safe, loved and has a fun and happy life.

For me it’s not being able to spend enough one on one time with my kids. I feel like I could stop and take it all in a lot more rather than be go go to.

Go go go I mean

Hi Mollie12. I remember your thread the other day about exactly the same topic. How are you getting on with your medication and how long away is your therapy.

I know you got loads of advice a couple of days ago, has it not been of any help at all?

My main guilt is for my youngest teenager who through lockdown put on so much weight she's now unhealthy. I thought she might lose it when lockdown was over, but it's not happening.

We both had to work out the house through lockdown and she did schoolwork online. My eldest is verging on underweight with the same meals so I can't bloody win!

Everything!!
It's torture to feel so much guilt on your shoulders but I guess part of being a parent.

With every new child I felt guilty that my older child(ren) are getting less attention. I feel guilty that I started my DD at school at 4 instead of waiting until the next year. She is very bright but is emotionally very young. I feel guilty for not realising that my DS had a rare medical issue until he was too old for the surgery. I feel guilty that both my DS are very exceptionally intelligent and I don't know what to do about it.

That my kids don’t have a dad

Money
They I've had so little money as I do now
That I have to worry about about it
That I'm letting her down and not good enough ☹️

I feel guilty about lots of things, and most of it makes little sense, because I’d feel just as guilty of I’d made the opposite choice.

I feel guilty my DS is an only child. I’d feel equally as guilty if I had more children and he had less attention!!

I try not to engage with the guilt and attempt to let it wash on by - I’m doing what I can. I may not be a perfect parent (because absolutely no-one is!) but my son knows he is loved very very much and I think that’s the most important thing!

I literally suffer with mum guilt from the second I wake up and until I go to bed. Many, many reasons.. haven’t played enough, went on my phone for 20 minute while they were playing, haven’t given them their 7 a day, haven’t met up with baby friends in 4 days, skipped baby class because I couldn’t be bothered.. the list just goes on and on!

Being shouty or short tempered - I try to apologise where I've over reacted but wish I could just stop myself doing it in the first place.

And I feel guilty for being so anxious. My kids both have multiple allergies plus eldest has asthma and eczema and managing their needs without passing down any stress is hard and I don't think I manage that very well.

I am quietly angry that life gave us so much more than the usual parenting stuff to deal with at the same time as a bunch of other stuff such as bereavements, redundancies, obviously covid. I know I shouldn't feel like that but I'm fucked off that the world never just seems to cut as a break

LBB2020

@Mollie12 this is your second thread in a few days about this, have you reached out to your health visitor or GP

Kindly , stop torturing yourself, hearing about other people's feelings are not going to help you. You had loads of helpful advice on your previous thread, starting a new one won't change how you feel.

Oh gosh. It’s easier to think of the list of things I don’t feel guilty about.