When are you out of 'the trenches'?

[beggingforsleep]

Just that really. I've got a 2.5 and 4.5 year old. The oldest is at school. I work full time so the little one is at nursery.

I still feel like I'm in the trenches. Am I?

Yes I think so. Until both can go to the toilet unaided and sleep through and play unsupervised for a chunk of time. After that it's a slow climb back to the daylight

Yes.

When both your children are school age = easier.
When both junior school age = easier again.
When both teenagers = well let's see

Yep mine are 4 and 7 and little one starts school this year. I can start to see a glimmer of light.....

That's what I wanted to hear. Thanks!

I'm just so physically and mentally tired but I can't work out whether this is it forever or if it will get easier at some point.

Knowing this is still the trenches gives me hope.

Definitely nothing to do with an impending 40th and natural ageing!

I'd agree with @BrunoNoNoNo (great name - though we shouldn't talk about you ). Mine are 10 and 7 now and actually quite self-sufficient. Wash and dress themselves, get their own breakfast/drinks/snacks. Good to chat to and lots of fun. Over the Christmas holidays DH and I actually got a few lie ins whilst they ate brioche and watched YouTube without disturbing us (because then we'd turn off YouTube and put the brioche away).

It's very much the calm before the adolescent storm, but I'm enjoying it while it lasts!

Teenagers I'm weirdly excited about! I was an awful teenager, a boiling pot of emotions, can't wait to experience it from the other side. When I'm probably menopausal.

I have a 15yo and have never been more in the trenches than I am now!!

When youngest is 3.

They can put shoes on, get dressed, feed themselves, say what they want.

Trenches 0-3/4

Golden Years 4-12

Aerial War 13-18/19/20/21

Peace 21+

@Invasionofthegutsnatchers my 4.5 year old still makes me get her dressed every day! Such a princess. We'd never get anywhere if I sat it out till she did it herself.

@WhiteXmas99 that is a long old war

Totally agree with others, gets easier once at school until teen years.

In lots of ways I love them as teenagers but it’s emotionally exhausting in a way you can’t imagine when they are tiny.

In terms of teenage I reckon 15 is peak hideous, the light occasionally flickers at the end of the tunnel after that. The thing with teenagers is that just like toddlers they are so fecking unpredictable. Mine can be kind, sharp, hysterically funny, thoughtful and loving but in the same 5 minutes also rude, arrogant, belligerent and careless.

Still in them. Youngest is 4, not toilet trained fully yet😩 until then I am still in those trenches.

@HelenaJustina

In terms of teenage I reckon 15 is peak hideous, the light occasionally flickers at the end of the tunnel after that. The thing with teenagers is that just like toddlers they are so fecking unpredictable. Mine can be kind, sharp, hysterically funny, thoughtful and loving but in the same 5 minutes also rude, arrogant, belligerent and careless.

I have one of those too😂 yes, much the same. Enjoy his company but sometimes lots of attitude from him.

Friends with older kids tell me 6-10 is delightful.

4/5 years out of 18 ain’t bad I suppose

The life changer for me was when the youngest could strap himself in the car!!

@HelenaJustina

In terms of teenage I reckon 15 is peak hideous, the light occasionally flickers at the end of the tunnel after that. The thing with teenagers is that just like toddlers they are so fecking unpredictable. Mine can be kind, sharp, hysterically funny, thoughtful and loving but in the same 5 minutes also rude, arrogant, belligerent and careless.

This in spades, and to be frank 20 was pretty bad with two of ours as both had major issues to deal with and needed a lot of support . To be honest I think the answer is that you get breaks from the trenches but the trenches themselves get deeper and harder to negotiate . The golden age for me was between 6 and 12 .

@WhiteXmas99

Trenches 0-3/4

Golden Years 4-12

Aerial War 13-18/19/20/21

Peace 21+

I'll go with this

As soon as you think you are out, one of them sticks you back in again!

The thing is: babies, toddlers, and pre-school children are physically exhausting. They need help with everything, and they sleep badly. Physically It's a killer, and time consuming.

But teenagers and young adults, whilst physically self sufficient, are mentally exhausting. The problems they face need so much more than a meal/ change of clothes/ cuddle/ play.

The worst thing is you can't always solve it. You long for the days when a feed/cuddle solved everything

It's a killer, but of a different type: not physically taxing or time consuming, but every bit of your mental energy will be taking up by it.

IME it gets easier when your youngest turns 3, and much easier when they turn 5.

I think I'm doing it wrong! My 9 year old gets harder as she gets older

What @BrunoNoNoNo said, and I’m still in the thick of it with a 6 and nearly 3 year old! I’m fully aware that these are the “easy” days as I find the emotional side, the worrying, so much harder. Yes my 6 year old is much easier to get stuff done around him while he plays/amuses himself. But my toddler is so much easier to “handle”, because he’s a toddler. I don’t have to persuade him to do homework/reading, worry that he’s unhappy at school, worry that he’s unhappy anyway. The worry is all to come!

Mine are 11 and 8 and things have been good for a while now. The spectre of teenager is fast approaching though….

When youngest was 3.5ish..
toilet trained, could listen to instructions, didn't run off, could communicate what he needed, could use an ipad effectively etc.