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Parenting

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Original poster

Ds3 wants to be a girl

64 replies

tumbledrierfault2 · 02/01/2022 23:26

Hi just wondering if anyone else has had a similar situation. My DS is 3 (will be 4 in spring) and since he watched frozen last Christmas he has been obsessed with Elsa. He loves magic and I thought this was the main driver behind it - he wanted to be a witch for Halloween etc and all of his games involve being magical. Recently though he's started to want to be a girl in every game - he wants to be the owlette in pj masks, only wants to be a princess or a queen wants to dress up like a witch not a wizard and loves to dance and twirl singing his favourite Disney (princess) songs. He doesn't ask for girls clothes or toys really he enjoys more creative toys like playdoh and crafts etc all of this is fine but what's stated to worry me is recently for the last couple of weeks he's started to say he wants to be a girl or that he is a girl and I'm not quite sure how to address it - I've told him he is a boy and that boys and girls can do anything they want to do and that nothing is specifically for boys or girls - cue but girls are princesses or girls are queens which is of course correct. I'm kind of at a loss as to how to address this and would love to know if anyone has had a DS act in a similar way for such a long time - lots of people have said it's probably a phase bjt wr are pushing a year and he's still princess mad if anything it's getting more extreme. I feel worried he's going to be left out in school or teased - he's such a sociable wee boy but he is sensitive too and I know that being teased or mocked for the way he's acting would deeply upset him.

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TheBugHouse · 02/01/2022 23:32

If it helps my ds thought he was a cat for about two years at the same age! Think it was brought on by postman Pat! I had to mioaw at him during tantrums. He insisted he was a cat and not a boy. All his toys were toy cats and he miaowed at them too. It gets better in time!

Scarby9 · 02/01/2022 23:32

My cousin's son was obsessed with Nutcracker Barbie at a sumilar age and for easily 18 months. He watched the video on repeat, at hime wore his sister's ballet tutus and tights almost all the time, played endlessly with the Barbiies and their clothes, and wanted to be a (female) ballet dancer.
His family told him he might be anything when he grew up, and let him get on with it.
Around 6ish the interest just began gradually to fade.

Wolfiefan · 02/01/2022 23:34

Ha @TheBugHouse my DD was the same!!

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fucketyfuckwit · 02/01/2022 23:35

Just assure him that boys can wear dresses too, just because he may like stereotypical girl things doesn't mean he needs to be an actual girl.

I hate stereotypes!

cloudtree · 02/01/2022 23:36

Mine wanted to be a character from thunderbirds. Wouldn’t wear anything but full thunderbirds uniform.

He’s a child, it is part of their imagination developing. It will pass.

CiaoForDiNiaoSaur · 02/01/2022 23:36

Mine was a dog at that age. When he wasn't a dog he was wearing my tops as dresses, my high heels and his pink bunny socks.

Hes a boy who identifies as a boy now. (Age 15)

underneaththeash · 02/01/2022 23:41

Don't give it a second thought, everyone is over thinking everything at the moment.

He's a child who thinks that dresses are pretty - and they are!

Breastfeedingworries · 02/01/2022 23:42

A friends cousin was the desired boy after 4 dds I always laugh at the irony his parents were so obvious in carrying on for a son….

Anyway he always wanted girlie things shoes etc, he’s 16 now and is trans so it does happen that way too. Best thing is to just be supportive, loving and let him explore and play and see.

My dd until recently only wanted to watch “the boys” shows play with cars and robots.. now though she’s got into frozen and loves it so it’s bringing out her girlie side.

I think what your doing is right and there’s no need to worry, whatever happens your son is an individual and nothing you can do will stop him if he wants to become a her or even if he’s interested in men/women/both! It’s way too early to worry.

Breastfeedingworries · 02/01/2022 23:43

Also my dd went through phrase recently of saying “I’m not a big girl, I’m a monster rarrr!!” Do I worry she’s going to become a serial killer….

ShinyHappyPoster · 02/01/2022 23:46

Mine was a cat. We had so many conversations where we just miaowed at each other. One of his best friends in nursery (also a boy) always dressed up as Elsa. As everyone has said, it's a development stage.

DropYourSword · 02/01/2022 23:47

Just let him be. He likes what he likes. Mine currently often thinks he’s a dog or a cat. He has lived in his dress up clothes since the school broke up for Christmas and when he’s older he wants to be super man.
Boys can be princesses too (right now at 3 anyway. You don’t need to talk the logistics of it. He can be a princess!)

Original poster

tumbledrierfault2 · 02/01/2022 23:58

Thanks - so nice to hear similar stories, I'm not too worried but I don't want to say the wrong thing either. It's almost other people's reactions that worry me (for him) the most.. e.g we were on a walk today ans he was wearing a Batman coat his aunt got him for Christmas and a lady stopped and was chatting to him and then said I like your Batman coat ans he said "it's a bat queen coat I'm bat queen" and honestly she nearly dropped - oh no your not bad queen you're a big boy...

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Original poster

tumbledrierfault2 · 02/01/2022 23:59

Sorry about typos trying to type with one handed with baby who refuses to sleep in his cot passed out on my usual typing hand

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AliceMcK · 03/01/2022 00:06

I wouldn’t worry about it, my cousins DS was obsessed with my little pony, he carried his pink mlp blanket and toys everywhere, he stopped when he went to school. He still has his blanket but he tells everyone he saved it for his baby sister. There was a boy in my middle DDs class at school, who loved dolls & again mlp his mum was very upset when he decided he no longer liked them and only wanted “boy” toys after he started school.

If it continues and he dose feel like he wants to be a girl, you will find a way to handle things, there are lots of people on here who can give you advice.

Franca123 · 03/01/2022 00:13

My boy is younger but he loves witches and often dresses as a princess. His favourite hat which he wears all the time is bright pink. He also loves castles and thinks he's a soldier. They're just kids. They have little conception of stereotypes or social signalling. As they grow older they'll understand more and probably decide to follow what we usually think of male behaviours. Let him enjoy his blissful innocence before he has to watch the bloody football with the lads.

ancientgran · 03/01/2022 00:13

One of mine wanted to be Snow White, lasted for about 2 years maybe a bit longer then he discovered Star Wars and wanted to be a Storm trooper. I'd just take no notice, he'll probably grow out of it. If he doesn't you will deal with it. At the moment he is still very little.

If its any comfort about 65 years ago I wanted to be Zorro. I had the mask and a cape and a sword and I couldn't imagine anything more wonderful. Then I wanted to be a nun. Then I got married and had 4 kids. Funny how life turns out.

Beamur · 03/01/2022 00:17

I wouldn't read too much into it. It's role play and harmless. Let your DS play imaginatively and be a witch or a princess.
I spent most of my childhood convinced I was the Lone Ranger.
It's part of children understanding the world around them.

Change123today · 03/01/2022 00:19

My nephew loved my little ponies - carried those ponies everywhere! I remember when he got a little older asking him why he loved them - he looked at me and said the bright colours, boys toys weren’t bright & to him the bright colours meant fun. Just wish the parent at nursery didn’t feel the need to comment on why he playing with a girly toy grhhh so he then would only play with them at home. He’s now 8 & moved onto Lego - again the colours he is drawn to.

I have a very girly girl (proper pink & glittery type) she is doing really well at secondary school especially the stem subjects - but she only one of 6 girls in a class of 30 for top set maths & science subjects. She struggling with that as others have said they surprised a girl like her is top set. Parenting is never easy!

Hate stereotypes and boxes of expectation children are put in :(

GroggyLegs · 03/01/2022 00:19

At 3 one of my DS was Elsa, had a white tutu, rattled his teddies round in a pram, sang & danced all day, only played with the girls... I just let him get on with it, although the ILs made some stupid regressive comments.

He is now 7 and utterly OBSESSED with football.

Honestly, I miss Elsa

GroggyLegs · 03/01/2022 00:23

Hate stereotypes and boxes of expectation children are put in

Yes, me too. And it drives me nuts when Ive caught myself doing it too occasionally.

The socialisation runs deep...!

Justkeeppedaling · 03/01/2022 00:26

Show him a picture of real life Princesses Anne, Beatrice, Eugenie and Charlotte, who all look pretty normal and nothing like a Disney Princess. That might bring him down to earth a bit.

LondonQueen · 03/01/2022 00:27

My DS tells people he is a car! It's really a non issue.

VashtaNerada · 03/01/2022 00:31

I agree not to worry. I’m a primary teacher and we have a number of little boys who have long hair or painted nails or wear princess dresses when they dress up. It is possible that he’ll grow up to be transgender (which is fine) and equally possible his interests will change (which is also fine).

11GrumpsaGrumping · 03/01/2022 00:36

My DS was exactly the same- always wanted to be the mummy or sister when playing pretend, wanted to wear dresses all the time, had all female friends, gravitated to the girls at nursery. We just rolled with it, bought him some dresses, etc. Honestly it was so inconsequential at that age.

DS is now 5 and still very effeminate. Most of his friends are girls, he always wants his nails done, he still likes to play with dolls and his dollhouse and babies, and he loves arts and crafts. Equally he likes to play with his cars and dinosaurs and drums and make slime, etc. I suspect later in life he might be gay or trans or both or neither... doesn't bother me, but I just sort of roll with wherever he's at, and reinforce that he can play with what and who he likes!

I do hope this generation breaks the pink sparkle = girl and camo ninja = boy nonsense!

Buttonitboris · 03/01/2022 00:43

My daughter was a boy for a year, age 7 and has now been a cat for over two years, god I can't believe it's been that long. Wearing thin now tbh, time the cat ears got 'lost'

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