Ds3 wants to be a girl

[tumbledrierfault2]

Hi just wondering if anyone else has had a similar situation. My DS is 3 (will be 4 in spring) and since he watched frozen last Christmas he has been obsessed with Elsa. He loves magic and I thought this was the main driver behind it - he wanted to be a witch for Halloween etc and all of his games involve being magical. Recently though he's started to want to be a girl in every game - he wants to be the owlette in pj masks, only wants to be a princess or a queen wants to dress up like a witch not a wizard and loves to dance and twirl singing his favourite Disney (princess) songs. He doesn't ask for girls clothes or toys really he enjoys more creative toys like playdoh and crafts etc all of this is fine but what's stated to worry me is recently for the last couple of weeks he's started to say he wants to be a girl or that he is a girl and I'm not quite sure how to address it - I've told him he is a boy and that boys and girls can do anything they want to do and that nothing is specifically for boys or girls - cue but girls are princesses or girls are queens which is of course correct. I'm kind of at a loss as to how to address this and would love to know if anyone has had a DS act in a similar way for such a long time - lots of people have said it's probably a phase bjt wr are pushing a year and he's still princess mad if anything it's getting more extreme. I feel worried he's going to be left out in school or teased - he's such a sociable wee boy but he is sensitive too and I know that being teased or mocked for the way he's acting would deeply upset him.

Look at the range of stereotypically boy/girl toys and clothes and it's no surprise little boys want to be princesses. The clothes and accoutrements are far more colourful and exciting than traditional boys clothes - no sludge green and dark blue, but sparkly turquoise and rainbow colours.

Mine was Elvis Cridlington from Fireman Sam! For over 6 months, he would only answer to Cridlington and he called his other mum Station Officer Steele!

He's obviously soaked in the message that frozen etc is only for girls and therefore he's confused because he's a boy that likes those things. Just reassure him that boys and girls are allowed to like those things and he doesn't need to be a girl to enjoy films. My 5yo likes owlette because she can fly and his favourite colour is red. He also likes the two boy characters. He loves play doh and crafts (didn't realise those things were for girls though) he loves frozen because he loves snow.

Just let him be himself.

Could you try and point out that princesses and queens as he understands them aren’t real? And that anyone can be a princess or a queen in the sense that he enjoys playing them?

@lots33

Mine was Elvis Cridlington from Fireman Sam! For over 6 months, he would only answer to Cridlington and he called his other mum Station Officer Steele!

Yes! Mine was Firefighter Penny, I was Sam and DH was SOS. Even the dog was renamed.

Another one here with a DS who only ever dressed as a princess and wanted his hair done with sparkly slides, to wear pretty nail polish etc. He's 9 now and while he still loves Disney princess films he also loves sword fights and rugby and football and definitely doesn't consider himself a girl. My DD was always a tomboy and now in her teens doesn't own any dresses or skirts, likes rock climbing, plane spotting and wants to be an engineer but has waist length hair and is clearly comfortable in her skin as a girl even though she has few "girly" interests.

And that's kind of the point, there should be no such thing as suitable for girls or suitable for boys when it comes to clothes or hobbies or hair cuts. You just let them like whatever they like and support them in their interests.

A child I babysat for years ago always used to tell me he was a princess and dress up often in his mothers dressing gown and ask me to call him “Lady Ellie” all evening.

He’s grown up fantastic and is now a very secure happy person who is tipped as a fashion designer of the future.

Encourage his interest and tell him that boys can wear dresses too. Your son sounds great.

I did a 'light' child psychology course whilst on maternity leave a couple of years back, and the most interesting part was about child brain development up to usually the age of 6-8 ( each child different) and that if you were to put on a fireman's outfit, they literally think you are a fireman. Their brain development hasn't gone so far to separate different 'facts' meaning..

Fireman wears fireman outfit.
Mummy wears fireman's outfit.
mummy is fireman.

It's the same with their own 'dress up' and the perception it creates, and the traditional girls stuff at that age is often much more interesting to the age group than the boys stuff. As they learn self play, fantasy and make believe in dressing up is often the first developmental step. After that they are able to move onto static toys - cars, duplo, dinosaurs, where they have to use their imagination.

My DS2 would only wear girls clothes from the ages of 3-8yo.

He is now 9yo and will only wear boys clothes.

@AnnaMagnani

How many girls in real life grow up to be princesses or queens? About 10. And none of them look like Elsa.

So it's not that great an argument even for girls.

Let him be, it's a normal stage of development.

Love this 😊

Thanks everyone - i think you've all confirmed what I was thinking and it's probably just a stage and of course even if it's not I love ds unconditionally. Such a good point that real life princesses aren't even at all like the Disney version. Also don't know if I was picked up wrong earlier I don't think playdough or crafts are for girls I was pointing out that he wasn't interested in typical "girl toys" and more the creative toys that both boys and girls love as well as of course his love of role playing lol I think I will carry on as I am explaining that anyone can do anything they like in regards to stereotypical girls / boys games and things but also keep trying to build his self esteem for if/when he does encounter any teasing or comments about it

Honestly don't worry about other people's responses. Just be supportive, have a big smile on your face and be ready to correct them....IE, 'Oh no he's definitely Bat Queen today!' Try to not let other people shame rub off on you and more importantly him. I understand your concern but actually especially in primary school, with support if needed, most kids are very accepting of their peers differences and if he is a sociable child he will be just fine. Could be phase, might not be, just support either way and he'll be just fine x

This is really normal. Loads of little boys go through a princessy phase if it isnt shamed out of them. Just dont make a big deal. Have the dressing up box full of different chacters, gendered and non gendered animals and stuff.
Kids just love pretend play

My cousin wanted to be a boy when she was 3 to about 5 or 6.
Wouldn't wear dresses or anything girly. Refused to play with dolls etc. Continued to be a 'Tom boy ' all through school. And 25 now she is the most feminine girly girl we know. It's all sparkles, high heels and just got married.