Considering a 3rd child already

[dani9031]

Me and my husband are considering having a 3rd child. Our youngest is 3 months old, and we are 31 and 36. There's a 5 year age gap between my eldest and our baby and it's lovely as he's so loving towards her, but we don't really want to wait another 4 years to get pregnant due to our ages. I know it'll be hard work with 2 very small ones, but would just like to hear others' experiences. Thanks !

Bumping for you. 🙂

I have a ten year and three year gap but I love it! The dynamic is great. So happy we have three.

You might as well be busy with two babies together rather than starting over in a few years. I would just go for it 😁

I have a 14 month and 3.5 year gap. Having two so close was hard and I had such guilt my eldest didn't get much attention,

Do you have enough space in the house, a big enough car? 3 is my idea of hell but each to their own

Why do you need a third child, OP? It’s the single worst thing you can do for the planet.
The carbon footprint of that child would be 58.6 metric tonnes of CO2 annually.
By comparison, flying to Tenerife is only 0.9 tonnes per passenger.

I wouldn't have such a small gap if only because all of the people I know who have small gaps have inevitably expected their other child to grow up much more quickly and seem to forget they are still a baby.

Don’t think about the baby stage - that’s the easy part. Can you afford 3 lots of uni fees? Can you afford 3 lots of helping with house deposits? Do you have the energy for helping three teenagers through very different phases in life and the difficulties that brings? What if your third is born with additional needs, and your other children get less attention because of it.

Having more kids isn’t just “how do I cope with 2 young kids” it’s everything after that.

Having more kids isn’t just “how do I cope with 2 young kids” it’s everything after that.

I agree with this. If you're thinking about having a 3rd you need to look beyond the baby stage.

Wait until your baby is a bit older before you decide. My baby is 10 months and sleep is absolutely awful. At 3 months baby slept like a dream. Couldn’t even imagine being pregnant or having another baby now.

We have 3 and it’s amazing. But we are financially comfortable. I wouldn’t have the age gap you’re suggesting, there are 3 years between my youngest two, the lowest age gap I would have have gone for is two years.
I found the baby stage with the 3rd very hard but it’s just got better and better as they’ve got a little older . We have no regrets at all, we both wanted 3

Two children is enough. The planet is overcrowded and no one needs to have more than 2.

Also I was one of three and absolutely hated it. I would never ever have had 3 children, it is unfair on them

Can you afford 3 lots of uni fees? Can you afford 3 lots of helping with house deposits?

how very Mumsnet

I have 22.5 month gap between 1 and 2. 23.5 between 2 and 3 and 22.5 between 3 and 4

I found it a great gap the toddler soon accepts the baby and they are all close (18+ now) was busy in the early years

We are lucky to be in a comfortable position with money and have a big enough car and house also, otherwise it wouldn't be an option we'd be putting any great thought into. We have savings accounts for our two children now that we put money into each month, the same would be done for a 3rd child, and both me and my husband have well paid, secure jobs.
I'm aware of looking past the baby stage and that it isn't just about having the two youngest ones so close in age. I was looking for people's experiences of such a close age gap, as we have a 5 year gap between our two children at the minute, so it'd be something totally different again. We will ultimately decide ourselves on if we have a 3rd child, just thought it'd help to get some insights from people who are in that position already or have been. Thanks again.

There is 15 months between dc1 and dc2.
Dc1 reached all development milestones early, walked at 10 months etc and was a contented toddler so that made it easier, on the plus did they were interested at same things at the same time and were great playmates and there was no jealousy from DC1 as she was so young. On the negative side I did feel guilty that DC1 had less attention when she really needed it, I can remember sitting to one side breastfeeding DC2 during a gym club activity session and DC1 had to sit with me as I couldn't help her on the apparatus etc. I wouldn't recommend a smaller gap than I had of 15 months, I think an 18 months plus gap is probably best.
It's true what people say about thinking about having DC beyond baby stage but DC1 is at uni DC2 doing an apprenticeship and DC3 who is 4 years younger than DC1 is going to uni next year and DC1 will still be at uni as she went a bit later and is doing a sandwich year, so you cant plan for everything!

@Ostryga

Don’t think about the baby stage - that’s the easy part. Can you afford 3 lots of uni fees? Can you afford 3 lots of helping with house deposits? Do you have the energy for helping three teenagers through very different phases in life and the difficulties that brings? What if your third is born with additional needs, and your other children get less attention because of it.

Having more kids isn’t just “how do I cope with 2 young kids” it’s everything after that.

All of these points could've been argued when we decided to have our first child to be fair. If we weren't in a position financially or otherwise, then we wouldn't have had children, either first or 2nd child, when we did. We are aware of life beyond the baby stage and adjustments that come with having 1 child, then a 2nd. And the part about additional needs is an unfair comment in my opinion. If we had a child with any additional needs, we would deal with it together and like any other parents, would do anything for that child. That's true of any of our kids, additional needs or not. We would also do our best to make sure all children get the attention and 1:1 time they need and deserve, like we do with our two children now.

It's really lovely to hear all of the positive experiences people have too along with the more blunt ones 😊 thank you all again

The gap for my first two is 18 months (got pregnant at about 10 months) and it's a great gap

Personally my experience with child no3 hasn't been super positive but it's more because of out living situation rather than other issues

22 month gap here, it's been great

14 month between mine. Hardest year of my life. They adore each other and I can see how it will eventually be lovely, but we're a long way (at least 18m+) from that still. I personally wouldn't recommend it to anyone.

I am absolutely sick to the back teeth of posters jumping on every thread, on a parenting website, to talk about how another child on the planet is a dreadful thing and will somehow singlehandedly destroy it. All you are doing is trying to make people feel like shit for the perfectly natural desire to have children. It's a total dick move. You make your own decisions about how many children to have and stop sanctimoniously lecturing others.

The birth rate is declining here in Scotland. More babies being to become the doctors, teachers, scientists, care workers or whatever of the future is not a bad thing.
Most of my peers (women in their late 30s) don't have children and never will. Support is needed in other countries where birth rates are not well controlled, and support given here for children to grow up to be net contributers.

Thank you both for sharing your experiences! Sorry having your living situation has made having your 3rd a bit less positive, I hope you find somewhere more suitable soon!

PS: OP I'd give it a few more months and then go for it - you might as well have two in the 'baby' stage. Once they reach 5+ it's harder to go back (as you'll have discovered).

I’d give it another 6-9 months and see how you feel then. I was desperate for a third when my second was a snuggly newborn. Not so much a year down the line when the reality of having not just another cute baby but a whole other human to bring up/worry about/finance kicked in!