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Parenting

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Original poster

Considering a 3rd child already

45 replies

dani9031 · 21/12/2021 10:24

Me and my husband are considering having a 3rd child. Our youngest is 3 months old, and we are 31 and 36. There's a 5 year age gap between my eldest and our baby and it's lovely as he's so loving towards her, but we don't really want to wait another 4 years to get pregnant due to our ages. I know it'll be hard work with 2 very small ones, but would just like to hear others' experiences. Thanks !

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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SleepingStandingUp · 23/12/2021 09:45

A year gap? Have you forgot how hard work 1 year olds are?? I'd wait another year.

craftyminer · 23/12/2021 09:52

I have a 19 month age gap between my two and it was hard hard work when they were little but now they're 6 and 7 and life is so easy. They're the best of friends which helps and i know is just luck of the draw. But because they're close in age they're into the same things and activities and have always had the same bed time etc. I think having them close together is great.

mintbiscuit · 23/12/2021 09:56

20 months here between Dc2 and dc3. We kept dc2 in nursery part time for consistency when I went back to work. Made it a lot easier having a newborn and toddler by doing that.

Don’t regret it at all as they entertained each other when they were v young. Still do now they are 6 and 8. It’s very sweet seeing them together (except when they have the odd fight and even then they are like an old married couple!)

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PinkWaferBiscuit · 23/12/2021 09:57

@SleepingStandingUp

A year gap? Have you forgot how hard work 1 year olds are?? I'd wait another year.

Agreed. Even those posting their experience of having small gaps have all had a much larger gap than 12 months. Having a new baby when your youngest is potentially just 12 months old is madness.

Greenmarmalade · 23/12/2021 09:59

Pregnancy with a baby is HARD.
Could be multiples…

sparklytriceratops · 23/12/2021 10:04

Another one saying please wait just a few months and then reassess how you feel. 3 month old babies are easy peasy in comparison to toddlers.

I have 16 months between mine. When I was about 7 months pregnant with DC2, DC1 just stopped sleeping. He didn't start sleeping again until a year later. It was completely brutal. Please don't underestimate how hard two under two is!

BlueJag · 23/12/2021 10:05

@Ostryga spot on. We have one teenager and he is expensive. We are glad we only had one as we can afford to give him all the attention and cover his needs.

SleepingStandingUp · 23/12/2021 10:10

@Greenmarmalade

Pregnancy with a baby is HARD. Could be multiples…

Oh yeah. Pregnancy with a 3 turned 4 year old was hard and I sent him away to nursery 😂 and it WAS multiples.

sydenhamhiller · 23/12/2021 10:10

OP - I have three, beyond the baby stage. They are 18, 16 and 9.

I love it. I found 2 only 2 years apart tricky, really enjoyed number 3’s baby and toddler stage this time round.

I guess the downsides are: holidays are structured around families of 4; if we had not had child 3, DH and I would almost be ‘done’; sometimes it’s tricky to find/ do an activity for everyone.

But these are small things compared to all the pluses!

As for the bad thing I did for the planet: my brother in law and his wife don’t have kids, so I have carbon offset against them…

Bellafrenum · 23/12/2021 10:15

I honestly don't think there is a right age gap. There are so many positives and negatives to all. If you are sure you want a 3rd, go for it.

Original poster

dani9031 · 23/12/2021 10:16

Thank you all I do really appreciate hearing all your experiences 😊

OP posts:

SleepingStandingUp · 23/12/2021 10:21

@dani9031

Thank you all I do really appreciate hearing all your experiences 😊

I suggest every time you have sex, think "what if I conceive twins??" 😂😂😂

RTHJ14 · 23/12/2021 10:23

We left it too long after our second (mainly because of a horrendous pregnancy) and missed the window really… and whilst our younger child would love it our oldest is now too old (IMO) to have a baby sibling to deal with so I’d say go for it if you think you can manage. I’ll always feel a little sad I didn’t have another one xx

Original poster

dani9031 · 23/12/2021 10:28

I know, I worry I'll always wonder what if, if we don't at least try!
@SleepingStandingUp hahaha I'll bear that in mind 😂🙈

OP posts:

Missmonkeypenny · 23/12/2021 10:31

I have recently had a 3rd OP. DC1 is 7, DC2 is 2 at the end of next week and DC3 is 2 weeks old. DC2 was IVF after 3.5 years of trying and DC3 was a surprise bonus ball we were told would never happen ( male infertility, BF DC2 and no periods return ).

Three kids feels like LOADS. Especially when the second one is so tiny still and needs help. I'm sure it'll get easier in time and i might be anle to be awake past 7pm again but I tell you now, the larger 5 year gap is way more appealing. I had an emergency section under general with a horrendous pregnancy too ( 18 hospital admissions ) which are things to consider as well with your DC2 being so small.

stuckinarut21 · 23/12/2021 11:17

25 months between mine so fell Preg when he was about 17 months. It's been hard I won't lie but so lovely as well

Not sure how a gap smaller than that would work, it would almost be like twins? Do you have access to help/ family/ childcare ?

ViceLikeBlip · 23/12/2021 11:42

I've got various age gaps from 18 months to 6 years- there are pros and cons of everything! I thought it was tough having a baby, toddler and preschooler all at home all day, but actually it got harder once there was a school run thrown into the mix as well. I spent much of those years just surviving, but we did all survive!

I think there's not much point trying to be too rational when it comes to babies. Like, we all look for examples and "evidence" to convince ourselves we're not making a mistake, but we were pretty much always going to do it anyway 🤷‍♀️🤣🤣

grey12 · 23/12/2021 11:56

@dani9031

Thank you both for sharing your experiences! Sorry having your living situation has made having your 3rd a bit less positive, I hope you find somewhere more suitable soon!

Thank you

with brexit we had to move in with inlaws and it has been tricky everyone together. We're hoping to buy a house very soon.

But tbh if I were wealthy enough to have a big house, enough to help the parents, enough to be comfortable, I'd probably go for no4 the older kids love their sister and she's such a lovely person and easy baby

mishmased · 23/12/2021 12:05

@dani9031 my first two have exactly 30 months between them. It was great as eldest walked and talked early and was very sensible for his age. My second went through the various baby, wobbler and toddler stages. I remember saying to DH when second turned 3 that with DC1 we already had a 6 month old baby and I couldn't imagine the same with dc2.
Our third was born when DC2 was 5.5 and it has been great so far. Older two are 6 and 8 and baby is 7 months.
I would wait until baby is closer to 9 months or ideally a year. There's a huge difference between a 17 month old and a 21 month old baby. You also want to enjoy your baby as once the new baby is born regardless of if you want to or not the toddler has to grow up a bit and there is no way to give enough attention especially in the early days of newborn. There is also letting your body recover from the last pregnancy and birth to prevent the likes of prolapse, diastasis recti.
Also if you're taking a year Mat leave you could go back pregnant depending on the enhanced payment stipulation. Congratulations on your baby.

IsabelHerna · 27/12/2021 10:33

Not a personal experience, but my sisters have 15 months between them, and they're like twins. They have the same friends, they were together at school and they are very close they have a different kind of bond than what they have with the rest of us.

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