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Parenting

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Original poster

Would you leave dad and daughter asleep?

46 replies

lollipoprainbow · 21/12/2021 08:17

My dd's dad looks after her in the holidays a couple of days a week while I work. He is a terrible sleeper and often doesn't get to sleep until the early hours, he also has to sleep on my front room floor due to lack of space. He always requests that I leave him to sleep when I leave for work. My dd9 loves her bed too and sleeps late. I feel uneasy leaving them both sleeping when I leave. She's 9 and pretty independent despite being autistic but what if something happens? Am I being a fussy mum?

OP posts:

00100001 · 21/12/2021 08:18

YABU.

How is you all being asleep any different to the two if them being asleep?

LittleBabyCheeses · 21/12/2021 08:20

So when you’re all there asleep it’s fine, but when you leave and it’s just them asleep it somehow becomes a problem?

Snow1n · 21/12/2021 08:20

Surely it's no different than during the night when you're also asleep?

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Shallysally · 21/12/2021 08:21

What is the difference between her dad being in a bedroom along the landing as opposed to on your front room floor, distance wise?
Leave the front room door open so that he would hear her if she needed him for anything.

PotteringAlong · 21/12/2021 08:22

What do you do at night? Sleep in shifts so one if you is awake when your daughter is asleep?

MintJulia · 21/12/2021 08:22

Is your ex likely to wake up for the smoke alarm? I think that's the important bit.

DogCatBoysAndMe · 21/12/2021 08:22

What is it that's bothering you?

I don't understand what the issue is. Surely you sleep when your dd sleeps too?

xyzandabc · 21/12/2021 08:23

How is it any different to when you are all asleep at night? Really not fair to say just because you are awake for work, everyone has to wake up before you leave.

Pegasussnail · 21/12/2021 08:23

I think it would be mean to wake them up. He would hear her waking I'm sure.

AllThingsServeTheBeam · 21/12/2021 08:23

Leave them asleep! I am working today, at home, but when the world was normal and I went out to work I'd leave both DSs and DP asleep. They're all still asleep now

MerryMarigold · 21/12/2021 08:26

I think OP means, what if her DD wakes up first and is then 'alone' of her dad is asleep. OP, she is 9. I know you said she's autistic but unless this is combined with significant learning disability (mental age of toddler), then she is going to be ok. Let them sleep.

MissLucyEyelesbarrow · 21/12/2021 08:26

I was expecting you to say your DD was a toddler. She’s 9. I get that she has additional needs, but you say she is independent, so what’s the problem?

santaclothes · 21/12/2021 08:26

This is really weird tbh. Lots of parents leave each other and the DC asleep because of shift work or early starts.

santaclothes · 21/12/2021 08:27

Our DC just woke the other parent up when they woke up. Your 9 year old could surely do that?

LakeShoreD · 21/12/2021 08:28

Sorry but I don’t follow why you would want to wake them and how it’s any different to when you’re all asleep overnight

romdowa · 21/12/2021 08:28

Is her dad easy to wake should she need him? Or is he out cold. That would be the deciding factor for me. I used to hate being alone and awake in the house when my mother would be asleep as she was extremely difficult to wake if anything went wrong.

Hercisback · 21/12/2021 08:28

Let them sleep!

Original poster

lollipoprainbow · 21/12/2021 08:30

He wears earplugs so I worry that I'll leave for work and my dd will wake up and I'm not there. What if she chokes on a sweet or something and he doesn't hear her. Worse case scenario I know but I've already said I'm a worrier !

OP posts:

santaclothes · 21/12/2021 08:32

Oh earplugs are different, he can't be shutting the world away when he is responsible, he needs to be able to hear what going on. That said choking is silent - can you not ensure the sweets are away though?

toomuchlaundry · 21/12/2021 08:35

Why does he wear ear plugs when sleeping on his own?

LittleBabyCheeses · 21/12/2021 08:35

I wear earplugs to bed. Keeps the background noise out but I can still hear when the kids get up.
They know not to eat sweets when I’m asleep though, even the 2 year old.

Original poster

lollipoprainbow · 21/12/2021 08:36

@toomuchlaundry he's just an awful sleeper so blocks out all noise and light. Pita really just wish he could sleep normally.

OP posts:

skaiak · 21/12/2021 08:41

I wear ear plugs but still wake if my kids cry. I think it's fine to leave him asleep.

Original poster

lollipoprainbow · 21/12/2021 08:42

@MerryMarigold that's exactly what I mean !! My dd doesn't have any learning difficulties.

OP posts:

pickingdaisies · 21/12/2021 08:42

But OP what happens when DD wakes up while YOU are still asleep? You can't live like this, it's bad for everybody. So, take steps to minimise your fears, but lets him sleep. So keep sweets where your DD can't get them. Tell your dd that if she wakes up first and wants to get up she has to go and shake her dad awake. And you can open the door to the living room when you leave for work, so it's easier for her to do that. Btw I think it's wonderful that you and he are working together to look after your daughter like this.

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