Can school do this?

[TurnUpTurnip]

A couple of years ago I left dd 9 home alone for half an hour to take my other children to school (dd had chicken pox but was fine in herself) This was a one off as I don’t usually leave her, my son told the school that I had left dd alone and school reported me to ss... anyway nothing came of it but I was a bit surprised to be reported. Anyway my son is now 9 (10 in a couple of months) I occasionally leave him alone to nip to the shops as he hates coming, anyway the other day he was a bit unwell so I left him alone to take the others to school, anyway I mentioned it to my mum and she said you better be careful the school don’t report you again, I don’t see what there is to report? The school is 15 mins walk each way and there is no legal age for leaving a child home alone, my son has his own phone and can contact me if there is a problem. Are school right for reporting this?

School can report anything they want. Its up to SS to decide what to do with it.

As someone who works adjacent to safeguarding, there's a lot of talk about puzzle pieces. Lots of people from different teams have small pieces of a puzzle. Individually they're innocent but when you put them together it leads to an worrying picture.

Eg you leave your 9 year old home alone occasionally, which is probably fine, the school holds this piece. The GP knows that your 9 year old is being treated for anxiety and has been suicidal. The GP holds this piece, but the school doesn't know this as the kid is fine in school. The hospital has seen the child a lot recently for frequent minor injuries (hospital piece of the puzzle).

I'm sure this isn't the case for you. But that picture is very different from simply leaving a child home alone for the odd 30mins. The school wouldn't know if there's more they don't know. The people who are supposed to hold the full puzzle is social services ie everyone is supposed to feed the little niggles to them so they can put pieces together and decide if innocent or not.

Well I think it is pretty bonkers that you need to worry about this sort of thing. I was left alone for short periods from about 6 and by age 10 was home alone all day when poorly when my parents had to work

Looks like my mum was right. I will be cautious not to let them find out again ( my son already knows not to say anything to them now ) he's happy and comfortable being left alone and he's at that age now where he often doesn't want to come out with me, I think it's unrealistic to expect a single mum to never leave her child alone ever especially when child is almost 10!

The school are just covering themselves and in the light of recent events it’s probably the best thing.

IF there were anything untoward and this was part of a bigger picture, there would be many questions asked as to why they didn’t bring it up.

@Frazzled2207

Well I think it is pretty bonkers that you need to worry about this sort of thing. I was left alone for short periods from about 6 and by age 10 was home alone all day when poorly when my parents had to work

Same my mum use to leave me alone from around 7 if I was sick. for much longer.

Why is it a problem if they do report it? You said "last time nothing came of it", what's changed?

Telling your DS to lie to the adults looking out for him would cause a lot more concern than being honest about it. If it's ok then it's ok to be honest about it.

@GingerbreadandJellytots

I don't see a big problem with Leaving a 9 year old home for short periods of time for a good reason. I have been teaching mine recently about safety when home alone as I thought it was a good age and as you said, as a lone parent in case I need to take their sibling to school. I was left from younger than that and also used to walk to school from 8. I'm now wondering if I've got it very wrong. But surely a 9 year old is old enough if not when? Obviously depending how sensible the child is etc.

Sorry, 9 is not old enough to recognise let alone deal with, either a first-time medical emergency OR a first-time doorknocker con-person.I learned that the hard way. Please don't put your child in a position he does not have the maturity , experience or capability to deal with .

  How many times have you seen  <strong>grown adults</strong>  posting on MN, some  medical  emergency  or social scam they had totally failed to either recognise or take the necessary  action?

@LordEmsworth

Why is it a problem if they do report it? You said "last time nothing came of it", what's changed?

Telling your DS to lie to the adults looking out for him would cause a lot more concern than being honest about it. If it's ok then it's ok to be honest about it.

I don't think any one wants a social services report do they? He's not lying, just not mentioning it to them 🤷

I think you need to have much more confidence in your parenting. You post loads about your mum and every time everyone says that she is wrong, but if anyone says she might have a point you point out you’ve no other option. Totally reasonable but the point is your mum is trying to goad and wind you up a bit. Ignore her!

9 is fine, I cannot see SS being remotely interested and school is being ridiculous. Sadly your mother is also right and you can't risk it. Anyone can make a report, and many people make malicious reports - clearly, if SS were so willing to dismiss the numerous reports made about that poor baby.

This isn't about my mum it's about the school I just added that bit as it's relevant to why it was brought up recently but this thread is nothing about her specifically 🤷

Sorry just read your update. Teaching your son to lie to those in positions of authority is a very bad idea. I think there's quite a bit of research into "transgressive" behaviour and how it seeds in small children. If they see adults lying, adults telling them it's ok to lie if it's in their own interests, then as teenagers they are constantly pushing the boundaries and failing to recognise when they're potentially committing a crime. Really, don't do that.

He's not be an told to lie 🙄

Being*

son already knows not to say anything to them now

What’s that if not encouraging him to lie?

Your mum is always having a pop about your parenting and doing fuck all to help, though. Have some confidence. You are the parent, you believe he is fine left home alone, end of discussion.

You wouldn't leave a child who is 10 in a couple of months home for half an hour?

Nope!

And on mn I'm one of the more lax ones on this kind of thing I very much believe in raising kids to be confidently independent but this IS too young.

I've a lot of experience with kids inc this age from voluntary work and childcare work

No she doesn't live near by, the school is just closer to her than my house as she has to pass the school to get to mine

Meaning if you're 1 Mile from school and she's nearer to school than you she's less than 2 miles from you - that's pretty nearby! In an emergency I'd expect her to be able to either watch the sick kid or take the others to school

A Kid not wanting to go to the shops? Tough luck on the kid! We all have to do stuff we don't like sometimes you're the parent and adult here!

It was 2 years ago the report, not recent

Irrelevant mostly as far as safeguarding concerned

I will be cautious not to let them find out again

That's your takeaway? "Don't get caught"?! And teach your kids to lie?!

Good grief!

No t mentioning something is not lying 🤦 not mentioning something that isn't relevant or the schools business isn't lying . Being asked if something is happening and saying no is lying. But that's not what happened .

So if a staff member asked him “are you left alone” you would - from your prompting to say nothing - expect him to tell the truth? Or would he do as you told him and lie?

Meaning if you're 1 Mile from school and she's nearer to school than you she's less than 2 miles from you - that's pretty nearby! In an emergency I'd expect her to be able to either watch the sick kid or take the others to school

You've misunderstood, she's closer to the school than she is to my house, you pass the school to get to my house, her house is further away from my house and the school. Is that clearer for yo u?

@Graphista in what way is 10 too young? Surely it depends on the individual child.

@Sirzy

So if a staff member asked him “are you left alone” you would - from your prompting to say nothing - expect him to tell the truth? Or would he do as you told him and lie?

No of course I don’t expect him to lie to them! But they won’t ask him that, he volunteered up the information as when he was younger he use to tell people everything without prompt, that’s how it came out, he’s now grown out of that and knows that you don’t need to tell everyone everything and there no reason why a child needs to go to school and say mum left me alone to nip to the corner shop! Most kids wouldn’t tell anyone that?! So not sure why you are twisting it.

However you try to twist it you have encouraged him to lie. If your so confident in your actions why?

Ok.

I wouldn't have left my kids at that age but at the same time I think it was total overkill of the school to report it to SS. Wasting their time on stupid shit means they have less availability to look into kids showing up at school covered in bruises!