Is being a parent awful?

[PJames84]

I’m posting this subject as it was the search I typed into google just before my daughter was born. I was petrified, and deeply worried that my life would awful with a child but knowing that I had to have a child otherwise I’d regret it. I’m writing this for anyone else searching for this topic to tell you that I haven’t regretted a single moment. It hasn’t been easy at times but I have loved every minute. It really has been a joy! I absolutely loved my sleep before and was particularly worried about this. It hasn’t been an issue at all. I think your body just knows you have to get up and helps you. You’re still tired but you can safely look after your baby. I have been lucky that my baby hasn’t had issues like colic, reflux, all the things that everyone warns you about but are actually pretty rare. I am lucky to have a supportive partner who can do all the things I can when needed. I am in absolute awe of single parents, you are warriors, because just sometimes you need someone to take the baby so you can just chill for a bit. My baby is 4 months now and I know there is so so much to come but for now, things are good, and I think it’s essential to enjoy the times when all is well. :-)

Thank you for posting this ❤️ I needed to read it! Having a wtf have I done moment 😂

This is great @PJames84 thank you. We're less than a week from meeting our baby and as first time parents it is daunting, even through we've wanted this so much for so long. Best of luck to you and I hope you continue to find the joy in parenthood 🥰

You really will love it, tough at times but so worth it, good from the start but especially so once you get to three months, then you get the smiles and almost giggles xx

Those who have wanted it for so long will particularly love it. We were the same, wanted it for so long then suddenly petrified. It is lovely. Enjoy ☺️

My son is 3 and is a total joy. Heart of gold, loves helping others, affectionate, cuddly, loves babies and animals, very gentle. Has gorgeous eyelashes that often get commented on. I am so proud to be his mum.

Omg @PJames84 Thankyou for writing this! I am 35 weeks and shitting myself that my life is gone.. not to mention despite all the courses and info given I’m still feeling really frightened about giving birth. Baby boy is predicted 4.5-5kgs at due date so possible induction on the cards too. I’m in France & there’s also no gas & air.. only epidural. So I’m nervous on all fronts. Im desperate to meet baby boy and give him a cuddle but currently in my head the birth experience seems like a really high price to pay… did you feel similar? If yes how did you accept the inevitable of getting a small person out of your body 🤪 xo

Aw this is lovely! I had this thought for quite a few weeks months when my little one was born but zero regrets. He was tongue tied, hungry 24/7, and barely slept. But he’s 10months now and my favourite person ever. In my opinion 6months to now has just been the best, so hopefully lots more good times to come for you OP

Thank you for posting this. I really needed to read this today.

Great thread OP! I gave birth to my DD a week ago today and honestly I was having so many doubts

Thoughts like - What if I don't like her, I'm not maternal! What if she doesn't like me? Can I run away? I've ruined my life. The list goes on and on and on. I'd wake up in the middle of the night worrying about it.

Skip toward a week and she is hands down the best thing I have ever done. I can not describe the love I have for her. She's perfect (imo anyway). I would happily have thrown myself under a bus for her within seconds of meeting her.

Please do not panic. You won't believe this now but the second you meet them every single doubt is forgotten.

It’s far worse but also far better than you can imagine

I was worried too before having my baby. Yes it can be hard at times but, in my experience, it’s so worth it!

I disagree about the sleep though… my body never helped me. Luckily my husband is great at getting up in the night though!

Even if you struggle with the sleep side of it, it’s a relatively short amount of time before they are sleeping though (and not too long before they are teens who sleep until lunch!).

My personal view of “being far worse than you can imagine” is not being able to cope, which may be different to how you define it. I definitely think most of us can absolutely cope and in fact thrive and enjoy it.

It’s fucking awesome!

The hardest thing I’ve ever done, exhausting, relentless and thankless at times. But above anything it’s bloody brilliant when they look at you with pure love, say something sweet/funny, give you a hug.

I wouldn’t change a thing since having my child.

Yes! Also it gets a bit easier every month (well my dd is only 16m now but so far it has got easier!). She can say a few words now, and she can toddle around and dance to music, and point at interesting things. I love her and I love spending time with her, she's so fun!!

That "yes" was in response to the OP's post not the title question!

And it gets better! I'm at the other end of parenting from you, my dd2 (youngest) was 18 2 weeks ago. Tomorrow ds and I are going to the cinema to see Spider-Man 3 and he's taking me for a maccys (he's almost 20 and a student nurse, it's my birthday this week and this trip is my present from him).

Enjoy every moment! When dd1 was born 22 years ago an older friend said "the days are so very long, but the years are very short". In the blink of an eye I'm 50 and have adult children. Take lots of photos, revel in every moment!

I got 2 pieces of amazing advice from NCT:

1. A scrunched up piece of tissue paper against your perineum/stitches helps you do post-partum poos.

1. If you don't love your baby straight away then don't worry, they make you love them.

I didn't love DD for a long time but I do now. As they grow there will be parenting you do well and parenting you find hard, there will be joyous moments and awful moments. If the newborn & baby stage is not for you it just means your time to shine is yet to come.

I have 3. 7, 5 & 2. They are amazing. I don't get out much apart from the 2 days a week I work but I feel like I have my own little group of friends! They really make me laugh. My 5 year ds also loves Harry Potter like me so we love to watch the films together. Also due another baby girl early March.

This is great timing. I’m 30 weeks - it was my partner who really wanted a baby, I’d always thought I wouldn’t, but decided to take a leap of faith with him as I know he’ll be an amazing dad and he doesn’t seem worried about me being a good mum. I feel like the reality hasn’t sunk in yet and I’m starting to worry I’m due a big freak out. I have anxiety sometimes and I’m also a bit disorganised and can struggle to keep on top of everything I have to do in my own life, let alone adding a baby! (My partner is super organised and does much more housework than me.)

Thank you for your positive post :)

I second the don't worry if you don't feel a rush of love immediately as it's also completely normal for it to take abit longer and believe me it comes and when it does it's just as amazing

It has crappy times but overall it's lovely.

My dh is often working away so not able to help out much but I love it so much I had 6 of them.

There's often a really damagine narrative of parenting being this horrifically difficult and neverending nightmare that is further perpetuated by assumptions that "oh, the new parents must be struggling and sufferring and quite a lot of the time, that's not quite the case.

I've found motherhood fantastic, from birth to now (11 weeks in). For sure there've been times that have been tough, but I found that people wantonly assuming that I was specifically struggling with things (e.g. lack of sleep, or breastfeeding or holding my wonderful DS in the evenings becasue that's how he likes to fall asleep) makes it difficult for me to actually open up about what I'm finding challenging or not.

Sorry about the brief tangent.

Being a parent - and being a mother (for me) has been so remarkable and rewarding. The truth is that, as soon as I look at my baby - in any situation, fun or stress - I'm renewed. I know that I can and will do anything. I certainly know that I can be his mother.

It's such a lot of fun!

@milkieway

I second the don't worry if you don't feel a rush of love immediately as it's also completely normal for it to take abit longer and believe me it comes and when it does it's just as amazing

This!!

When I first laid eyes on my baby, my first thought was, "where did this baby come from?" I was so shocked.

The coolest thing is that over time the love grows (exponentially!)

About five weeks in, I looked at him and knew that the best day of my life was when he was born.

@PJames84

My personal view of “being far worse than you can imagine” is not being able to cope, which may be different to how you define it. I definitely think most of us can absolutely cope and in fact thrive and enjoy it.

I define it as painful, sleep deprived, confusing, frightening I was able to cope fine but it was very hard in the early days, especially if you don’t feel that instant rush of love. However, I also said it was far better than you can imagine too - my dc are teens now and I think about how amazing they are every day. If you have negative feelings alongside the positive ones it’s perfectly normal and does NOT mean you aren’t coping and thriving. It just means you are a parent and there are highs and lows that come with that.

The weird thing is, lots of the things I was dreading before birth came true - and sometimes were even worse than I'd feared, particularly the sleep deprivation - but actually we were fine, we coped with the down sides and the upsides made it all worthwhile!