My one year old goes to bed so late, and it makes me feel like such a terrible parent

[Seaandshore]

I just can’t get my twelve month old to sleep. I’m really struggling with lack of time and space to myself. He’s up all evening, and only goes to bed when he caves in from exhaustion.

I feel like I’ve gone really badly wrong somewhere, and should have had more of a routine with him from the start.

Is there anything I can do?

Ah that must be so difficult. Don't worry, it's never too late to start a good routine if that's what you want to do.

What does you baby tend to do during the day/evening at the moment when it comes to feeding, naps, being outside etc?

What time do you get him up in the morning?

My 13 months old is naturally late to bed-late ish wake up if I leave him to his devices. What gets him asleep by 8pm like clockwork is going to nursery (and 7am wake up). He gets so tired at nursery that he is soundly asleep by 8pm.

He is at nursery during the day so naps and so on are variable but usually around two hours day sleep.

He gets up between 7 and 8. Yesterday he didn’t go to bed until 10 so he slept until 8. But he still wakes in the night.

He gets up between 7 and 8 normally. Usually 730.

He is at nursery during the day so naps variable but he usually sleeps for around two hours.

With mine, he didn’t walk until about 14-15 months and then he managed to wear himself out much easier and started going to sleep by 7:30. Until then no amount of routine or anything else made much difference.

If you are still on 2 naps it sounds like yours is ready to drop to 1. I find my DS can’t sleep past 2pm now or the whole bedtime routine is off

Good luck

He’s been awake since 230, though. So he’s been awake for six hours and showing no signs of giving in. I’m just a bit concerned it’s going to be a problem as he grows up. I’m having dreadful problems with getting him to sleep in his own bed too.

My DD was like this at the same age. She’s asleep by 8-8:30 without difficulty now at 4, which suits our family fine. We also had a nightmare getting her to sleep through and in her own bed, but it clicked on her own time and she sleeps like a dream.

Some babies are just like that, they don’t sleep. It’s not your fault. You could probably put him to bed at 7.30pm but then he’d get up at 5am! So you have to choose which is the lesser of two evils. I decided I’d rather put up with my DS in the evening and get up at a respectable time in the morning, instead of having the evening to myself but then having to get up at 5am.

What is he like at the weekend when no nursery?? Same sleep pattern?

My son was just under 2 when any form of daytime nap longer than 30 minutes meant he was awake until 1030pm. Brutal.

Now he will sleep from 930pm till 1030am given half chance.

This was completely normal for both my girls. Its normal for the first wake period of the day to be shorter than the second. Take the pressure of yourself and stop trying to get him to go to sleep early if its not working.

He won’t go to bed at 730. It’s an absolute nightmare because he is tired, he’s yawning and rubbing his eyes. He’s exhausted now but I can’t get him to sleep and I feel awful.

Weekends pretty much the same. I’ve always struggled to get him to sleep but lately it’s been hideous.

Mine was the same for a while. We slowly brought her bedtime forward by putting her to bed 15 minutes earlier till that worked, then keeping it up for a couple of days and then again bring her to bed 15 minutes earlier et cetera.

It took quite some time but she now sleeps at arpund 7 pm and seems happier.

Some kids need a very gradual change .

He won’t go to bed at 730
If you get him up at 5am he will. But then you have to get up at 5am.

He doesn’t have a bedtime, is the problem. I’ve had to put him in his cot screaming his head off because I don’t know what else to do.

No, he really won’t. He’d nap during the day more but he wouldn’t be in bed at 730.

I had the same, nightmare bedtimes which extended until 9 each night. I had to 'bite the bullet' when I was 6 months pregnant with number 2 (so around 14 months). I put in cot and then did the 'really boring mum' by just putting her back down everytime she sat up and tried to play, gradually got so she'd settle when I was in the room and then moved to sit by the door, then outside the door. Was an absolute Pita but actually only took 2-3 weeks, I had to be really consistent though. Was worth it in the end

also, there's def an element of over tiredness going on. Once you've got them used to it you can gradually bring the bedtime forward to around 7/8

I should try but he gets so hysterical he just works himself up. He’s still up now. So he’s been awake 7 hours and that’s surely way too long for a 12 month old?

My little one was the same at that age. Slept like a dream until the age of 1 then was a sleep demon until 3 ish. Nothing would work and I felt like a terrible mum she would go to bed 11pm every night. I must admit I had to be strict and basically use the super nanny method every night for two weeks until she eventually got it and she did. Hang in there they will sleep eventually, just do what you can to get by.

I'm in the same camp at the moment. DD 11.5 and runs on a late clock - normally 9-9. For the past week she's been going to sleep between 10-10.30. Currently she's standing next to me using me as a climbing frame :)

She's teething and I think she's trying to teach herself to walk as she is now standing up in the middle of the room unaided & so is doing that in bed.

I get your frustration. The later she goes to bed the less time I have to myself. By the time she goes to sleep I end up having to stay up until gone 12 if I want a bit of time to just relax without her around.

Is there anything going on for him at the moment - developmental leaps? Teething? Any changes to daily life or routine?

He’s very nearly walking so I wonder if it’s that?

Since he won’t sleep in his bed he also sleeps with me so I’m just a bit stressed out by him at the moment.

Also just to add she's been up since 3.30 so 6 hours. Not far behind your little one. I'm wondering if she is also trying to drop down to one nap. She has been resisting her morning nap & has been going down for it so late - but then I'm also wondering if it's due to the teething/developmental.

Will have to wait and see I think. It is frustrating though.

Haha you could be me. I've started so many threads about co-sleeping and how to get her to sleep in the cot. I've been staring at it sat empty for weeks.

Aw I really feel for you. Getting a baby to sleep can be absolutely awful. What you need is some support in getting him into his routine, but primarily the most basic thing is that you need to stick to the timings, and nursery does too.
My granddaughter is the same age as your boy. She’s woken up at 7am, has a bottle and a cuddle in mums bed, then downstairs for breakfast at 7.30. Every morning. She has a 30 minute nap at 9am. She has lunch at 12 then back down for a 2 hour nap at 1. Up at 3. Small snack. Tea at 5, bath at 6.30, followed by bottle, story and in her cot by 7.15.
It took about 3 weeks to get her in that routine. Yes, she sometimes cries, sometimes wakes in the night but she’s never taken into mums bed in the night.
When she stays with me, she follows the same routine. My dd used an app and a sleep consultant to keep track and help her.