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Original poster

DS1 is THREE, ffs, and refuses to use the potty./loo. WTF can I do?> His pre school are getting pissy with me..........

45 replies

HappyChristmasWalrusIsOver · 18/12/2007 18:34

He refuses pount blank to the poiunt where he gets really really diressed if we even mention it, let alone put him on the loo or sit him on the potty

He has no interest

He has just turnrd 3

I feel ashamed that my 3 year old is still sitting in his own shit and piss.

I have tried to leave him naked - didn;t works, we did it for 3 weeks, and all I got was a carpet that smelt of piss

I have tried to sit him on the loo but he will kick and scream until we take him off.

Bribery has not worked./

He just doesn't seem to get it tbh.

We have been trying to get him to do it since hewas 2.1, but to no avail

I envisge him moving out as an adult still wearing Pampers.

Help

OP posts:
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Califraunkincense · 18/12/2007 18:50

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Original poster
HappyChristmasWalrusIsOver · 18/12/2007 18:52

The woman at pre school said they shouldn't really be in nappies

I know she is technically wrong, but it made me feel like a freako

No other 3 yo I know is still in fecking nappies.

OP posts:
milou2 · 18/12/2007 19:03

Ok, if this is of any help...DS1 potty trained normally with chocolate button bribes, sitting on potty....

However DS2 is a different boy

He weed on plants outdoors

He did a wee spontaneously as he stepped into the bath water

I even held him up on the side of a friend's bath and he did a wee across it!

With all those events I'd say ooh a wee!!! So he'd understand the word associated with the action.

That was the start of a long process.

I bet yours has his own ways and when you can find them you'll be so pleased with yourself. Give him time, have faith in your own supermum powers, maybe take some timeout from the issue over Xmas and New Year.

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Mincepiedermama · 18/12/2007 19:06

Only read the OP but I feel your pain. I must go and attend to mine in the bath but I will be back here with avid interest as my nearly three year old also shuns the lav and it's getting depressing.

My other three were long out of nappies by this point. Mind you they were in washables and he isn't. Hmmmm.

Off to ponder.

pukkapatch · 18/12/2007 19:07

first things first. chilll
just relax about it. it doesnt matter.
it isnt something to be ashamed off. and anyone who judges you or a three year old for this, isnt worth knowing in the first place.

second, if the preschool is being pissy, ditch them. neither one of you needs the aggro. if a five year old was in nappies in mainstream school with no sn, then fine, but not at three.

you both need a holiday from tryingin to potty train.

wheelybahhumbug · 18/12/2007 19:07

dd was like this until 2.10 (I know younger thn 3 but apparently girls are supposed to do it easily at 2.6 !). Absolutely point blank refuse to sit on a loo/potty and no amount of bribery woudl work - tried EVERYTHING. I kept mentioning the idea every so often and one day she just agreed to try and was almost pee-perfect from that moment. However, I still have the same reaction to the idea of pooing on the toilet/potty so not sure how we're going to crack that one but its only been 3 weeks so kind of hoping it will happen as wee did....

(I know lots of 3 year old boys still in nappies)

pukkapatch · 18/12/2007 19:08

both my boys trained just after there third birthdays

scorpio1 · 18/12/2007 19:09

mine was 4 before he got it at all, even though i tried aLOT.

ds2 is just 3 and we are training him next week, he is ready though, does wee on toilet etc already.

you cant force them too, and best to wait until the signs are there IMHO.

BernieBear · 18/12/2007 19:16

Sorry, not much help am currently in my 10th month of toilet training my ds (3.9). I am going out of my mind completely. I've had the HVs in once but have now called them again. You are not alone! At least there is two of us.

My ds doesn't care either. REally couldn't care. I am now ignoring ignoring ignoring. Everytime he wees his pants (about six times a day at the moment and yes I am always putting him on loo /potty) I send him upstairs to get himself changed and put his wet clothes in the laundrey basket. The poos are a different matter as I have to clean him up.

Also......I was so glad to spot your post. I was feeling very lonely in the potty training world!

coldtits · 18/12/2007 19:18

ds1 was 3.5.

Askl the preschool leader how she suggests you force the issue? She will declare "Oh I never said force him!" You can say "Quite."

Original poster
HappyChristmasWalrusIsOver · 18/12/2007 19:21

I have 2 weeks off work ( as does DP ) over Xmas, so we might give it a really gooid go then, when we canb give him lots off attention.

Fucking hell.

The mentalia thing is, I will pribably doing it next year with DS2. Fuckety fuck

OP posts:
yomellamoHelly · 18/12/2007 19:24

My ds1 was 3.9 when he "got" it. Did day and night at the same time and only one nightmare day, then clear skies. His peers who were all "trained" much earlier all took a few weeks to a few months to train and still had accidents for ages afterwards.
So I know which route I prefer!

LoveMyGirls · 18/12/2007 19:33

We can support each other if you like? I'm planning on starting training dd2 on saturday or maybe sunday?

smartiejake · 18/12/2007 19:53

I thought they were not allowed to make comments about whether a child was dry or not. The lady who ran our preschool said they were no longer allowed to refuse a child of 2.5 for not being out of nappies. (And this was quite a long time ago)
I am surprised that a trained child care professional who is supposed to know about child development would be so judgemental.

If they are so concerned, take his nappy off as he arrives and let them clean up the mess.
Wonder how long they will keep that up before begging for the pull ups!.

DD2 was only just out of nappies at 3 and not especially reliable until 4. Wasn't dry at night till 7.
I know it's so hard when everyone elses dcs seem to be clean but as I have said before they are the ones you tend to hear about- lots of mum with late potty trainers often don't talk about it.

NotQuiteCockney · 18/12/2007 20:04

It's so so much easier when they're ready.

DS2 is 3.3 now - he started training about a month ago. I had dropped hints, generally discussed it, but not pushed it. Then one week, he decided he wanted pants. I swear, he's had one poo accident since and two wee accidents.

edam · 18/12/2007 20:14

smartie is right - comes under Disability Discrimination Act. Tell her to sod off. And wait until your ds is ready!

chocolateshoes · 18/12/2007 20:19

My DS has been refused at pre-school cos h e is still in nappies (2.6) and they have a no nappy policy. Are you saying that they have no right to refuse him and if so is there somewhere I can check this and refer them to? Thanks!

madamez · 18/12/2007 20:24

Oh, phew it's not just us. DS is 3.3 and reacts with horror to the idea of losing nappies (though the little darling will follow other people into the loo and flush it repeatedly - at least he hasn't yet done that to me when I'm, erm, seated). I am going to have a nother try after Xmas so I expect there will be more than one wailing-for-support thread...

FlossALump · 18/12/2007 20:28

Just one idea - knowing your DS - could you put a collection of his favourite toys away, perhaps somewhere out of reach where he could still see them and tell him every time he 'performs' he can have one back? He loves his toys doesn't he, and perhaps less food driven than my DS and indeed your DS2 . Twould be cheaper too. Or else are there any foodstuffs involving lots of sugar, crap and totally MN evil that he may love you could do a n attempt with? TBH, nakedness wouldn't bother DS either. I reckon keep him dressed. Does he have nice thomas underpants? That he would be pleased to wear. If you need more trousers either a) borrow a couple of pairs of ours or b) buy some cheapos from asda (I got two for 7 quid the other day) If you think about it, what is more unpleasant, weeing and it landing on the floor, or weeing on your trousers and getting cold and wet (not advocating you leave him in it mind!!)

I'm sorry I've not been more help before, I can't ever quite tell if you are keen to relax about it and let it happen in its own time or get desperate about it like I did! You've probably done all of the above. And told me about it. I know you have with the sweets, but maybe it might work this time? [hopeful emoticon]

Heated · 18/12/2007 20:34

Poor lamb. I'd personally give him a break and leave it until the Easter/summer when it's easier to potty train them since they're wearing a lot less & he's that bit older. Tell preschool that's what you intend since he's finding it too stressful and it's making him worse.

In prep for that, a month or so ahead, maybe get that book from the library for him about boys going to the potty.

and then over a few weeks buy and put in place the following: the step he needs for the toilet and let him decorate it with stickers.

:his own liquid soap (there's one with a under the ocean scene for e.g. in supermarkets) that's just for him when he's washed his hands after using the toilet.

:big boy pants with a favourite character on them.

Then turn going to the loo into a big game e.g. race to see who can get to the loo first, singing a silly loo song with you whilst sat on the loo & then play with the bubbles in the basin afterwards if he does anything at all as a reward.

I did need to put him into pants so that he would feel if he were wet. It took 8 days in total to crack, but the 1st 3 were the worst and then it dwindled to one or 2 accidents. He still isn't perfect, we've had some wet pyjamas this week at night (he's 42 months) but he's been dry in the day since 30 months.

Don't know if I'm telling you how to suck eggs, apologies if I am. But it just sounds as if your little boy needs a bit of time.

Heated · 18/12/2007 20:36

Oh, and we always rang grandma if he'd been to the loo so she could praise him too (MIL is a saint!)

MrsJohnCuSackFullOfPresents · 18/12/2007 21:15

walrus
quite similar story here but with DD who turned 3 last week and has made it her life's work to prove that it's not just boys who are reluctant
am going to have another bash over the christmas holidays. expect much wailing and gnashing of teeth on herer from me. let's form a suppoirt gruoip

holidaywonk · 18/12/2007 21:31

DS1 did exactly this. I pressurised him horribly and he ended up 'with-holding'. Believe me, you do NOT want to go there.

DS2 will be 3 in Feb and is exactly the same... but my attitude is totally different this time. I'm not even going to attempt to train him until he shows me he's ready. If he's still in nappies when he's four, that will be preferable to the really nasty experience (in terms of both emotions and hygiene) of DS1's 'training' (more like Guantanamo-Bay-cum-dirty-protest).

I really feel for you, but DON'T turn this into a battle of wills, because you will lose. Honestly - been there, done that, knitted my own T-shirt from dried faeces.

AwayInAMunker · 18/12/2007 21:37

DS1 was 3.6 when he decided he'd use a potty.

Overnight.

With no prior indication he'd ever stop wearing nappies. Ever.

If he's not ready, he's not ready. He will be. LOTS of people I know who trained early said they wished they'd waited till their children were older (especially after seeing how well DS1's done it ).

The preschool can't make a fuss - if they're Ofsted registered.

MrsJohnCuSackFullOfPresents · 18/12/2007 21:54

the thing is sometimes she DOES do it
she spent a whole day at preschool last week completely dry
she just won't do it FOR ME

and she loves going to the loo, loves sitting on it, loves flushing it - then goes off and wees on the floor 5 minutes later. Or takes her nappy off and presents me with a large turd (in a wipe though, so there is some hope) which was one of yesterday's (many) low points

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