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Parenting

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Original poster

DS1 is THREE, ffs, and refuses to use the potty./loo. WTF can I do?> His pre school are getting pissy with me..........

45 replies

HappyChristmasWalrusIsOver · 18/12/2007 18:34

He refuses pount blank to the poiunt where he gets really really diressed if we even mention it, let alone put him on the loo or sit him on the potty

He has no interest

He has just turnrd 3

I feel ashamed that my 3 year old is still sitting in his own shit and piss.

I have tried to leave him naked - didn;t works, we did it for 3 weeks, and all I got was a carpet that smelt of piss

I have tried to sit him on the loo but he will kick and scream until we take him off.

Bribery has not worked./

He just doesn't seem to get it tbh.

We have been trying to get him to do it since hewas 2.1, but to no avail

I envisge him moving out as an adult still wearing Pampers.

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Hunty · 18/12/2007 22:17

Stop worrying, he will do it when he is ready. Your ds does not mind still being in nappies, so it is only you that has the problem and of course the Pre-School, not very professional of them to be pissy! Mothers are made to feel so embarrassed if there son or daughter is still in nappies at a certain age..........he really will do it when he is ready so please do not panic and also the more you make an issue of it the more he will fight against it.....let him tell you, just try periodically every now and again when he is in the right mood and see his reaction, he he screams etc, just leave it for a bit. Honestly do not enter what I call the baby olympics, each child is different. If it makes you feel better I know a girl who still wears nappies at night at four......Honestly chill xx

KateF · 18/12/2007 22:24

You are not alone! dd3 is still in pull-ups at 3.4. She said she wanted pants today - 8 times I have changed her . I have said no more nappies as this is our 4th try at toilet training but I don't think the washing machine can take the strain!

juuule · 19/12/2007 08:25

Don't feel bad about this.
My dd just decided at 3y4m that she wasn't having nappies anymore. 2 days later she was completely dry during the day and using the toilet. Up to that point she gave no indication that she had any intention of giving up her nappies.
We didn't do anything but remind her that she had some lovely new knickers if she wanted them and as she was getting older wouldn't she prefer to use the toilet like everyone else. We didn't go on about it too much though.
They do it in their own time. Ignore the pressure from the nursery. Tell them you are well aware of the situation and want to do it your way.

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lovemybabes · 19/12/2007 09:57

My DS is three and three months and has absolutely no interest in potty or loo, despite loving and gentle encouragement over the past year or so, bribery, charts, funky new 'big boy pants' etc.

In fact I was just about to start a thread on this when I saw yours! I'm really glad to hear encouraging words that he will start when he's ready. That's my instinct too as he was the same with walking and everything else, everything in his own time. But it's getting tricky to hold my own when partner is starting to panic about DS not growing up quick enough.

Mikamakamoo · 19/12/2007 10:39

Hi,

Just wanted to say that all these posts have made me feel SO MUCH better. DS1 is 3.3 and is totally anti potty/toilet, have also tried everything but just shows no interest. Have felt like every other child of his age is toilet trained and had similar sceptical looks at nursery and felt like some people thought I just couldnt be arsed to try. We are not alone - hooray!

JodieG1 · 19/12/2007 10:41

I wouldn't push him. My ds1 was over 3 before he was interested in potty training. The benefits of being older were that he got it very quickly and it took about a week, if that. I didn't want to upset him so left it up to him. His pre-school were fine about it and they have to be now afaik because of recent law changes.

He is now 4 (was 4 at the end of Oct) and still wears pull ups at night, he's not ready yet to not be wearing the.

SatsumaMoon · 19/12/2007 10:51

Ds2 was 3 1/2 before he was trained - but then he got the hang of it really quickly and had very few accidents - also he was then tall enough to wee standing up so didn't need the potty. Did go through a phase of only doing poos in his night-time nappy though but thankfully that has now stopped!

Original poster

HappyChristmasWalrusIsOver · 19/12/2007 12:33

Wow, lopads of replies

Well,. twas pre school christmas thingy today, and no comments were made (although I expect that is because he didn;t poo as he did yesterday)

Please pray for DS2 to be easier

Anyway, I will give him a go over Christmas, but if it doesn;t work out than I won; beat mysef up about it.

So who's up for a bit of support through the comiung months with potty training a 3 year old!

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Niecie · 19/12/2007 13:03

My DS2 was exactly like that at 3 and we were getting comments from nursery too. Fair enough, none of the other children in nappies and they didn't really want to be changing him. He was incredibly strong willed and simply refused to play ball. I kept mentioning, getting no response and then leaving it.

In the end he was 3.7 yrs. Enough was enough and I realised he wasn't going to do it any time soon and quite frankly, he is a large child and the nappies didn't fit very well any more - too many leaks! Maybe I should have been more thick skinned but going into changing areas with a child who looks like he is 4 or 5 was getting embarrassing.

He got nothing in the potty or toilet for 2.5 days and seemed to be deliberately waiting until I said he could get off and then weeing.

On the third day, I loaded him up with fluids and took him to the toilet. Again, he refused to sit down for more than 5 seconds. However, I would not let him out of the bathroom on the grounds that I didn't want him to wee on the carpet anymore. He still refused to go. He held out for more than an hour. I know I sound really mean but it wasn't torture as we were playing games and chatting (and I kept giving him drinks) but I simply refused to let him leave until he had done something in the toilet. He held out until I had to get DS1 from school and got my mum in to keep an eye on him. The minute I was out of the front door, she offered the toilet and he sat on it and did a wee. He never looked back after that - very few accidents and reliable within the week.

I don't know if he thought he had won some private battle by seeing me off or whether he just didn't know what it felt like to 'let go' and do it in the toilet until he managed it the first time. He always wants to shut the door when he goes to the toilet. Maybe he just didn't like me hanging about (unlike DS1 who loves to have the toilet door open for a chat with anybody who is passing). I don't know, but that hour or so was the turning point for us. He knew then that he could do it. I think it sometimes takes just one success and it snowballs from there.

If I were you, I wouldn't do it just yet as he isn't that old yet but it may be your DS is not going to be one of those children who does it of their own free will and you will have to take the lead. Wait until the Easter holidays and have another go then if he doesn't do it voluntarily before hand.

For what it is worth I think potty training is absolutely the worst part of parenting a pre-school child. Knowing when to do it and when they are ready and then the whole process of learning and the smell and the mess - no fun at all. He will get it in the end though so really, don't beat yourself up about it. Some of them just take longer than others.

lovemybabes · 19/12/2007 14:42

Hooray for not being alone in this then.

Does anyone know what happens in school if your child has an accident? I mean are teachers in reception allowed to change kids, and are we allowed to leave spare clothes and wet wipes in his bag?

With an August birthday, my DS is going to be starting reception at just over four years old, so even if he takes to the loo (I'm assuming we will!) by then, I can't imagine he'll be 100% reliable...

Niecie · 19/12/2007 15:34

They all have accidents at sometime in infants - even those who have been trained for 2 or more years by the time they start school. You don't need to pack spare clothes as most schools will have a box of spare clothes that your child will be able to borrow. They are very used to changing children in school and don't even mention it at ours - the first thing you know is when the children wander out of school at the end of the day with a bag full of washing. I am sure they would mention it if it became too frequent but otherwise it causes no comment.

My DS1 is an end of July baby and so only just 4 when he started school too. He wasn't trained until 3.4yrs and was fine at school, 10 months later. If you do leave the training late you do often find it is over in days instead of the weeks it can take with a much younger child. I bet your DS will be absolutely fine.

PeachyHasAFiggyPudInTheOven · 19/12/2007 15:37

None of mine were trained by 3 IG, don't worry (DS3 still isn;t due to Sn but others trained at 3.2 nd 3.5 respectively, trained overnight and haev never, ever had an acicdnet at school or nursery)

Until their brains and sensory bits aready there's nothing anyone can do- bar instill a fear which is what too much rpessure from Nursery will do.

he's a very small boy, and its not up to the Nursery to dictate.

lovemybabes · 19/12/2007 18:41

Thanks Niecie and Peachy for the reassurance.

Original poster

HappyChristmasWalrusIsOver · 24/12/2007 11:27

HE IS USUING THE POTTY!

It's great! I can't believe it - he's doing it without being prompted, and we havne't had a single accident since yesterday morning.

I just left him with no nappy, and he decided for himself he was going to use the potty - he normally pees on the floor if I do that

I'm not going to be too smug though because inevitable we will have a few backwards ste[ps

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Original poster

HappyChristmasWalrusIsOver · 26/12/2007 18:02

He is still doing it

Only accidents we have had so far have been when he's waering pnts - how can we get him in pants? He can't go to pre-school bollock naked

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cheapslutonjunk · 26/12/2007 18:40

Hasn't been long. Don't despair.

Original poster

HappyChristmasWalrusIsOver · 26/12/2007 19:19

UI'm not particularly worried - I am just pleased he is weeing and pooing ion the potty at all (he was a refusenik less than a week ago!)

Is there owt I can do to help him get the hang of it while wearing clothes?

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CharleeSawMummyKissingSanta · 26/12/2007 19:28

My DS is 3.4 and goes on the toilet when he feels like it but soesn't really care if he poos or wee's his pants, if he is doing something fun he will just go where he is standing, but he is slowley getting there, he has been several days at playshcool with no accidents and that is because i told them to put him on the potty/toilet every 20 mins without fail and they did and it worked. At home he is ok it's just wen we are out if we can;t find a public loo he will have accidents most the time.

Don't stress you will all get there, it is ok to be the last one potty training at playschool ds is the only one at his school that still wears nappies ocassionally.

TheChristmasFaggot · 26/12/2007 19:39

Yay for Walrus-boy! And long may it continue!

Another one with late learners, DD1 was 3.5 and DS1 was 3.1. DD2 is now 3.3 and although she occasionally uses the potty when she feels like it, she is far to unreliable to go nappy-less and I am way to busy to change her clothes every hour.

If she doesn't miraculously & suddenly 'get it' (like her sister did) I suppose I will have to devote a week or two to training.

Original poster

HappyChristmasWalrusIsOver · 27/12/2007 09:46

woohoo, he took huis trousders off this morning to wee!

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