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Parenting

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Original poster

Swimming lessons. 5 year old driving me mad! Should I wait until he's older?

51 replies

Indiekid84 · 10/12/2021 18:11

We recently moved my son to a new swimming school because previously he had been in a class of 9 kids and spent the whole time pissing about! He is now in a class of 3 with 2 adults. At first this was so much better. He was listening and taking part and learnt more in the first few weeks than he did in a year at the other pool. However the last few weeks he has gone back to old habits.... constantly under water, not listening, putting no effort in etc. It is so embarrassing and frustrating. Generally he is pretty well behaved and has no issues with behaviour at school. It's seems that the slightly more relaxed teaching style at swimming makes him think he can get away with murder. Week after week I remind him of the expectations and he just reverts back to messing about! He is currently upstairs crying because he has missed out on a chocolate from the tree and is having his dinner and going straight to bed..my husband is livid and wants to just cancel. I want him to learn to swim but at the moment it feels like we are just throwing money away. I've asked the teachers to be strict with him because as soon as you give him an inch he takes a mile! I just don't know how to get it through to him! He nods and says the right thing and then gets in the pool and does the complete opposite!

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Set a reminder

WoodenReindeer · 10/12/2021 18:15

Id give it a break for a bit. For some reason he's not engaging and bed on a friday is harsh. Hes only 5 and probably shattered rrom the week.

Maybe give it a few months and do some 1-1 sessions with the saved difference. They make so much more progress that way!

Mudflaps · 10/12/2021 18:17

Pay for one to one lessons. I did large group and small group with my son and neither worked, he wasn't a messer but was very nervous, one to one was so different I think it'd work for you.

Hellocatshome · 10/12/2021 18:17

If you can afford 1 to 1 lessons even just for a term it will do wonders. My son refused to let go of the side, hyperventilating and all sorts had a term of 1 to 1 lessons within a year is swimming competitively, mind you I dont advise competitive swimming unless you have a money tree!

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Original poster

Indiekid84 · 10/12/2021 18:18

Thanks for the reply. I know it seems harsh but he needs consequences because he is definitely pushing it and thinking he can get away with it. I was so hopeful that the smaller groups would help him 😢

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InTheLabyrinth · 10/12/2021 18:20

Can you or DH swim? Could you just take him weekly for a bit, and let him mess about? DS2 learnt to "swim" without lessons, just spending time in a pool. Swim is in quotes, because it wasn't a stroke that would be recognised, but he could get across the pool.

Original poster

Indiekid84 · 10/12/2021 18:21

Oh and it's definitely not a confidence issue. It's the opposite...over confident! Wanting to go under water, somersault, play for the whole lesson instead of actually swimming

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Em2122 · 10/12/2021 18:26

Probably tired on a Friday after school, had enough of concentrating in school. I would just wait till he starts learning in school.

Hellocatshome · 10/12/2021 18:27

Oh and it's definitely not a confidence issue. It's the opposite...over confident! Wanting to go under water, somersault, play for the whole lesson instead of actually swimming

1 to 1 will help with that, there will be no time to get away with it and they can incorporate underwater and somersaults etc into the lesson. My DS learned to swim underwater before he ever learnt to swim at the surface.

WoodenReindeer · 10/12/2021 18:30

I think consequences for an activity you've asked him to do on a friday after a week at school is harsh! He needs to recouperate after a week at school. Movie night/saisage and chips/whatever your tradition is. Being pushed into something he doesnt want to/cant cope with really isnt going to help.

Play the long game. You want him to swim and this isn't working. Getting into a battle doesnt help.

Greenmarmalade · 10/12/2021 18:31

Yes, leave it for a while.

SkiRun0077 · 10/12/2021 18:36

Sensory overload especially on a Friday after a week at school. I’d just take him yourselves at the weekend instead until he’s abit older. Or 1:1 but not on a school night. My youngest can be like this but raced through 7swim levels in 2years once we changed time, she was 6yr and I took her weekly to have fun.

Original poster

Indiekid84 · 10/12/2021 18:39

The consequences are for the disrespect he showed the teacher. However, I can see that maybe it's too much for him at the moment. It's a shame because he wants to do it and looks forward to going but there is absolutely no point him going if this is how he is going go behave.

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Original poster

Indiekid84 · 10/12/2021 18:41

Myself and my husband can both swim. It's just difficult at the moment with covid restrictions to take him on a regular basis.

OP posts:

GordonPym · 10/12/2021 22:13

Pool is fun and it seems he really enjoys it. Could you add a 20 min "fun" time after the lesson for him to play and do all the things he enjoys?
Explain that certain situations call for certain behaviours. Running at the park or soccer field is great, running crossing the street or inside a supermarket is not.
In the same way, during a swimming class, there is no playing, but after the lesson, he can play as long as he wants, and you will even buy some cool pool toys, such as the small tubes he has to collect from the bottom of the pool.

He is 5 so use examples of appropriate/not appropriate he can relate to. If he has identified the swimming pool as " fun place to splash around", practise the settings. Invent a free / rules game: when you are in the car, ask free or rule? The answer is rule, because you have to wear a seat belt. You are in the park, free or rule? You enter a bakery free or rule? playtime at home free or rule? And then move it to the swimming lessons vs swimming pool .

Some boys get really excited and happy and boisterous . It is also not really his fault. He got into an habit from a previous lesson-style and unlearning an habit is hard. It will be fine.

Casmama · 10/12/2021 22:25

My son was similar and we took him out for a while because he just ended up miserable getting into trouble every week. He's now seven and after some time off due to covid he has come on loads in the past 2-3 months.
I would take a break for a while

ratussbaguss · 10/12/2021 22:30

I echo consequences as being harsh. His 5 year old brain doesn't have the architecture yet to override strong impulses - like having fun in the pool, especially when overtired from a week at school. Connection before correction - something is obviously going on for him. Take a break from the lessons and start back in the spring 1:1 like others have said.

ColdTattyWaitingForSummer · 10/12/2021 22:31

Definitely take a break! 5 is pretty young, and the punishment sounds pretty harsh (respecting the teacher is a pretty abstract concept at this age, especially in a context like swimming lessons). Maybe missing the chocolate from the tree (although that’s still pretty arbitrary) but definitely not straight to bed! He’s showing you - and I’m a firm believer that all behaviour is communication - that he needs to be having fun and relaxing at the end of a week, not being tied to a set of rules he doesn’t have the maturity to follow.

RestingPandaFace · 10/12/2021 22:34

Can you switch him to a weekend morning or an evening earlier in the week? I bet on Friday afternoon he has used up all his concentration.

Onemorebaby · 10/12/2021 23:06

@ColdTattyWaitingForSummer

Totally agree. Thats a LOT of punishment. He was enjoying it so much and couldnt control himself. He's only 5! Is this the only time he gets to go and fun in the pool? Be careful or you will put him off. It's great that he is confident and enjoys it. He sounds like he has loads of potential. It made me smile thinking of him enjoying it so much. Maybe follow his lead and nurture it and go at his pace rather than trying to use punishment to force him to control himself when he cannot. Get a 1:1 or put the time in yourselves and take him swimming. That's a lot of punishment, and so drawn out. What a rubbish end to the week for him

Anomelettefortheroad · 10/12/2021 23:17

What on earth has him messing about at swimming got to do with his bedtime?! What do you think he's going to learn from being made to go to bed early? He won't even remember it this time next week. Stop the swimming for a year or two and save the poor child the stress of both his parents going nuclear on him because he's acting like a 5 year old!

TomRipley · 10/12/2021 23:30

My son is the same age and does the same thing in swimming but he's 5 so I expect it to some extent.
Don't know what there is to be 'livid' about and I agree the punishment is too harsh.

I'd persevere, I think swimming lessons alone (30 mins a week) won't teach most 5 year olds to swim very quickly anyway. You need to supplement with taking him swimming too, they actually learn a lot from fun swimming.

My 15 year old son swims at a competitive level now. His swimming lessons started at age 4 and he didn't really make much progress until he was around 8. Now he's a county champion, it takes time.

SkankingMopoke · 10/12/2021 23:49

Mine both went through a stage of this at around 5yo too. They both love being in the pool, so the threat of cancelling lessons and no more fun swims if they didn't do the teacher the politeness of listening and behaving worked well. I take them swimming for fun swims so they can get all the jumping/diving in, somersaults, getting hoops off the bottom etc out of their system.
As a PP said, it is about stressing the difference between swimming lessons and general swims. I'm sure your DC does PE in his school playground, but I bet he understands he can't run around as he chooses like he would at playtime.

TheSmallAssassin · 11/12/2021 00:11

What were you expecting to get out of these swimming lessons? I'd be happy that my child was confident and enjoying being in the water at 5, making steady age appropriate progress, albeit slowly. It seems a bit weird for a 5 year old to be having lessons with adults, he's hardly going to have the same attention span or to engage in the same way, especially on a Friday near the end of term!

Go and have fun with him in the pool instead, make the swimming a game and practice in small chunks. I don't think you can really blame covid restrictions any more.

(I also agree that your punishments are inappropriate and being "livid" is way over the top, he's just being a five year old!)

minipie · 11/12/2021 00:19

Agree you have way overreacted

Also agree that Friday afternoon for a 5 year old is bound to be difficult. See if you can switch to another time.

Lastly my DD was just like this at the same age despite her lesson being a weekend morning. She just loved mucking about in the water. We did get cross but no way would we have imposed punishments for it. She was 5 🤷‍♀️

SwumMum · 11/12/2021 00:34

Poor little boy.

You're cross and frustrated but the issue is your expectations being unrealistic, not him.

Are the teachers worried? Is he actually bothering anyone else?

Swimming is a really sensory experience and loads of little ones enjoy putting their heads under and splashing as they experiment with how the water feels. Swimming teachers expect that.

It depends what you see as the point of the lessons as. If it's to regularly expose him to the swimming pool and water in a controlled and safe way then it's achieving that. Reset your expectations maybe?

And it's really both pointless and unkind to enforce random 'consequences' after an event that won't come back round for another week. It won't have any effect except to make him feel generally bad about himself for a situation he now can't redeem.

I'd give him a massive cuddle and try and turn his association with swimming lessons into a positive one.

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