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Original poster

Sister is bullying my daughter

30 replies

newmuminlockdown · 09/12/2021 19:23

hello,

Just looking for some advice on the situation,
My little sister is 4 years old and my daughter is 20 months so very close in age,

My sister is a bit of a bully, she is a cheeky kid she throws tantrums if she doesn't get her way, says bad words like bitch, cunt ect. This is multiple times a day, just constantly looking for arguments

if my daughter is playing with her own toys my sister will take them off her and not give them back, if my daughter touches any of my sisters toys my sister goes crazy and actually pushed my daughter and my daughter fell and rolled across the floor the other day, she's just really nasty to my we girl and I don't like it at all, this is anytime they are together, I've tried speaking to my mum about it but nothing changes

my mum has invited us over for Christmas Eve to stay which I agree'd to but now don't want to go as I just don't like putting my we girl in those situations she's still a baby and doesn't know what being nasty is to do anything to provoke my sister so she doesn't deserve to be treated like this, we where supposed to go to a Santa dinner together at the weekend and I cancelled as it would just be a day full of my little girl being moaned and shouted at off my sister

I know this sounds petty as my sister is 4 but i just don't think it's normal for a toddler to use such bad words and bully a amall toddler so much, my mum also doesn't really discipline her when she does this hence why I have stopped going places with them as it's just not nice to watch,

Any advice going forward?

OP posts:
Rekorderlig88 · 09/12/2021 19:25

You need to speak to your mum about this.
So many things going on.
How does a 4 year old know these words?
Jealousy?

Original poster
newmuminlockdown · 09/12/2021 19:29

@Rekorderlig88

I have tried to speak to my mum about it a lot of times she says it's just because she's jealous and it's natural...
no idea where she learns the words from,
it's just starting to cause problems as I don't want to be taking my we girl around my sister which is hard because she's my sister and I love her of course but hard to deal with when your kids constantly being bullied, my we girl is so innocent she's still so young she just stoats about playing with toys, breaks my heart seeing her we face when she gets stuff snatched off her or pushed ect

OP posts:
billy1966 · 09/12/2021 19:33

Stay away and if your mother asks why, tell her.

Utterly foul language to be using at any age, but a 4 year old? Shocking.

Soon your child will be saying similar and you can be sure you will be judged.

Stay away.

What is your mother like allowing a child pick up and repeat such awful words.

Put your child first, just as your mother is.
Flowers

WisestIsShe · 09/12/2021 19:38

@billy1966

Stay away and if your mother asks why, tell her.

Utterly foul language to be using at any age, but a 4 year old? Shocking.

Soon your child will be saying similar and you can be sure you will be judged.

Stay away.

What is your mother like allowing a child pick up and repeat such awful words.

Put your child first, just as your mother is.
Flowers

I agree with this. Your DD needs you to stand up for her here.
AliceW89 · 09/12/2021 19:41

The person I feel most sorry for in all of this is your sister. Who on earth has she been around to know words like that? Of course it isn’t right that your DD gets pushed around, but your sister is only tiny herself - to describe her as cheeky, nasty and a bully is awful. She’s a child who sounds like she has had zero boundaries put in place around behaviour. Where is her/your mother in all of this?

TheRigatonini · 09/12/2021 19:44

My sister is a bit of a bully, she is a cheeky kid she throws tantrums if she doesn't get her way, says bad words like bitch, cunt ect.

😧😧😧

TheRigatonini · 09/12/2021 19:44

@AliceW89

The person I feel most sorry for in all of this is your sister. Who on earth has she been around to know words like that? Of course it isn’t right that your DD gets pushed around, but your sister is only tiny herself - to describe her as cheeky, nasty and a bully is awful. She’s a child who sounds like she has had zero boundaries put in place around behaviour. Where is her/your mother in all of this?
Totally - Who is looking after your sister???? 😢
user1491404899 · 09/12/2021 19:46

That's far from cheeky!!! Who the hell is rasing that child?!?

TrufflesAndToast · 09/12/2021 19:53

Sorry but there is absolutely nothing normal about a four year old knowing and using the c word. That’s utterly vile and horrifying Sad

MadameMonk · 09/12/2021 19:59

I’d be sticking to my baby like glue, and taking the approach of ‘it takes a village to raise a child’ with your sister. Give up on hoping your mum will discipline her, do it yourself.

Be on her back with every hurtful thing she tries- even if it leaves you with no time to chat with the adults. ‘No, Emma, we don’t snatch toys. Will you give it back, or will I help you?’, that sort of thing. Do it often enough and your sister may well get bored of this game of victimising your DD.

If you get criticised by your mum (or others), just be calm and say ‘We were going to not come because of Emma’s behaviour last time, but I thought I’d try this instead. I’m only too happy to sit back and let you sort her though?’.

Plopcorn · 09/12/2021 20:02

I work with children that age, it is NOT normal for them to use words like that. She has heard it from somewhere way more than once, and I would not let it go. I’d consider reporting your mother if it continues, as it sounds very concerning. Your sister needs help. She is only 4!

Plopcorn · 09/12/2021 20:04

@MadameMonk

I’d be sticking to my baby like glue, and taking the approach of ‘it takes a village to raise a child’ with your sister. Give up on hoping your mum will discipline her, do it yourself.

Be on her back with every hurtful thing she tries- even if it leaves you with no time to chat with the adults. ‘No, Emma, we don’t snatch toys. Will you give it back, or will I help you?’, that sort of thing. Do it often enough and your sister may well get bored of this game of victimising your DD.

If you get criticised by your mum (or others), just be calm and say ‘We were going to not come because of Emma’s behaviour last time, but I thought I’d try this instead. I’m only too happy to sit back and let you sort her though?’.

Very good advice.
LadyMonicaBaddingham · 09/12/2021 20:10

I see it as a huge red flag if a child knows those words and, even worse, knows how to apply them. Keep your daughter safe, OP, that's your job 💐

Santahatesbraisedcabbage · 09/12/2021 20:10

We had similar with my ds and dgc. Dgc was actively encouraged to batter my ds by his df(my older ds). Sadly we had to stop having dgc here as much. Ds also was abusive to ds so they are both not welcome here now.
Yabu to accept this. Keep away and keep your dd safe if that is the only option..

Original poster
newmuminlockdown · 09/12/2021 20:11

Thank you for the advice everyone,

I am going to have a chat with my mum about all of this again tomorrow and sit down and talk through everything,

Hopefully the issue will be resolved and can hopefully get to the bottom of where the issues are starting reading over the comments I think this is the best thing to do

OP posts:
Outlyingtrout · 09/12/2021 20:13

She's not a bully. She's four. She is innocent too. Something is very clearly going on for her to be hearing words like that, using them in context and learning the kind of behaviour she is demonstrating. You can easily protect your daughter by reducing the amount of contact that she has with your sister and by cutting visits short when this kind of thing begins to happen. The child who really needs someone to worry about them is your sister. What on earth is that poor little girl being exposed to?

Plopcorn · 09/12/2021 20:14

Did you grow up with these words yourself op, or do you have an inkling where it might come from? Take care of your daughter, sounds like she’s got a lovely mum.

Ozanj · 09/12/2021 20:16

I would call social services. There are huge red flags here.

LetHimHaveIt · 09/12/2021 20:19

'I am going to have a chat with my mum about all of this again tomorrow and sit down and talk through everything'

Well, I wish you luck OP, but the cynic in me has grave doubts that you can have a cosy chat about different parenting styles, with a woman who has brought up a four-year-old to use the word 'cunt'. Sounds like you're doing an infinitely better job than your own mother. I'd go LC, honestly.

peboh · 09/12/2021 20:21

I completely understand wanting to safeguard your child, but I'd also be looking at whose safeguarding your little sister. She's four, her behaviour and language are learnt. Who is surrounding her that speaks like that? I'd be very confident in my assumption that it isn't coming from nursery or school if she attends? I'd really consider reporting this to social services, as your sister is clearly not in a good environment.

MrsTerryPratchett · 09/12/2021 20:22

@peboh

I completely understand wanting to safeguard your child, but I'd also be looking at whose safeguarding your little sister. She's four, her behaviour and language are learnt. Who is surrounding her that speaks like that? I'd be very confident in my assumption that it isn't coming from nursery or school if she attends? I'd really consider reporting this to social services, as your sister is clearly not in a good environment.
This. Who are her caregivers if that is her language?
Outlyingtrout · 09/12/2021 20:25

Yep. Another vote for social services. It almost certainly won't be enough to trigger any action on its own, but may form part of a bigger picture. Especially once she starts school and they are hopefully flagging any safeguarding concerns too.

Original poster
newmuminlockdown · 09/12/2021 20:27

sorru I can't figure out how to reply to everyone at the same time

no I wasn't brought up around those words and I don't hear them being spoke in my parents house either, we don't use swear words at each other, I don't remember once being called a word like that, even as an adult if me and my parents have had a bicker they haven't swore at me or called me a name, maybe picking it up somewhere else I will have to speak to my mum and see what's going on... we obviously have the same parents so I know she isn't a " cheeky sweary " mum if that makes sense

OP posts:
Couchbettato · 09/12/2021 20:35

I swear like a flippin sailor and even I can't imagine swearing and saying those words around a child.

How awful.

Something is clearly going wrong in that little girls life.

Don't put your daughter at risk at your sisters expense but please do some investigating because that's not normal for a 4 year old

Luredbyapomegranate · 09/12/2021 20:48

How bizarre. Could it be she's picking this up from someone who is babysitting her? I'd have a chat with your mum. But I wouldn't let your daughter anywhere near her until it's resolved, there is something seriously awry in how your sister is being brought up.

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