Sister is bullying my daughter

[newmuminlockdown]

hello,

Just looking for some advice on the situation,
My little sister is 4 years old and my daughter is 20 months so very close in age,

My sister is a bit of a bully, she is a cheeky kid she throws tantrums if she doesn't get her way, says bad words like bitch, cunt ect. This is multiple times a day, just constantly looking for arguments

if my daughter is playing with her own toys my sister will take them off her and not give them back, if my daughter touches any of my sisters toys my sister goes crazy and actually pushed my daughter and my daughter fell and rolled across the floor the other day, she's just really nasty to my we girl and I don't like it at all, this is anytime they are together, I've tried speaking to my mum about it but nothing changes

my mum has invited us over for Christmas Eve to stay which I agree'd to but now don't want to go as I just don't like putting my we girl in those situations she's still a baby and doesn't know what being nasty is to do anything to provoke my sister so she doesn't deserve to be treated like this, we where supposed to go to a Santa dinner together at the weekend and I cancelled as it would just be a day full of my little girl being moaned and shouted at off my sister

I know this sounds petty as my sister is 4 but i just don't think it's normal for a toddler to use such bad words and bully a amall toddler so much, my mum also doesn't really discipline her when she does this hence why I have stopped going places with them as it's just not nice to watch,

Any advice going forward?

Your poor little sister, she is being badly let down by your DM if she's talking like that at 4, she's hearing that language somewhere & it's either your mum or the company she keeps. God knows what she is witnessing to talk like that. Kids this age mimic, she isn't evil, it's a cry for help

Not dealing with her behaviour is letting you & your DD down too. You are right to stay away, but do tell your mum why, it really isn't normal that she just blames her age... 4 year olds do not do this without mimicking that behaviour from somewhere... big red flags

Look after your own DD first, but honestly think of helping your poor sister too by talking to social services

Does your mum have a partner? Could she be picking it up from them?

I would also call social services - these are huge red flags.

Your mother needs to parent her child, seems like she doesn’t care about the child’s behaviour or language or more importantly-where has the child been exposed to those words? Huge safeguarding concerns.
Keep your daughter away, it’s not fair to allow her to be attacked just for the sake of you visiting your mother.

Just a thought, if you're certain it's not coming from her home environment, could it be nursery?

My DD went through a phase of telling everyone to "piss off" at about 2,1/2. Turned out she was copying a lad at nursery😏... we found the best way to deal with it without her thinking it got her attention, even if that was a telling off, was to laugh & then say "aww, how sweet, you said that wrong, it's really "fish fluff" ... she switched to saying "fish fluff" & soon grew out of it when she no longer got a reaction

At four it‘s not really difficult to direct a child’s behaviour by lavishing attention for the right sort of behaviour. Don’t tell her off because that’s giving attention and rewarding misbehaviour. But model how to play with your daughter and tell her how good she is with her.

This will sort out jealousy, because your dd will become a way for her to get praise and affirmation. And you’re not relying on another adult to step in and discipline.

Show her how to play peekaboo or some simple rhymes.

Social skills are something that need to be nurtured. If you can think of her as a kid who lacks some skills and guidance it will give you more ways to change what’s happening.

It takes a bit of practice to switch to positive language but you’re trying to say things like “she likes it when you’re gentle, like this” rather than “don’t be rough with her”.