So I've just got back from seeing my cardiologist and he has said..............

[GoodGollyMissMolly]

that I need to finish having children sooner rather than later due to my heart condition deteriorating. DD will be 4 weeks old tomorrow, so I think I will leave just a while longer yet.

In your opinions what is the best age gap between DC?

What age gaps are there between your DC?

If you have small ages gaps, how did/do you cope?

No advice goodgolly, only got one but just wanted to answer your post. What a stressful decision for you to make.

TBH I think other people' experiences are irrelevant in your case. It sounds like you will have to have any future children close together, if indeed you want more.

Good luck from a Mum of 3 which at this moment in time is baout 2 kids to many!

What a lot of pressure you must be under, GGMM.
We have two boys with a 23-month age gap.
It has worked out brilliantly for us, as they got on really well - most of the time.
The first two or three years were very tiring though, so you need to make sure that you have plenty of support if poss.

I have 4 1/2 year age gap and it's too much. Most of my friends had them close together and got it all out of the way. I started to get my life back then had to start all over again. I wish I had two together rather than 2 going through totally different stages in life at the same time. Plus my house has been trashed twice rather than just the once!

Gosh poor you having been told that...

We will have about 23 months between DS (who is now 22 months) and twins (due in a few weeks). I have to say I have found it hard being pregnant with a toddler of DS's age, but that might be because a) being pg with twins is bloody exhausting or b) because DS is quite a handful, to put it politely! No idea what it will be like having three kids under 2 .

A lot of people do only have 18 months or so between DCs and find it hard at first but very rewarding and usually say the children play well and entertain each other after a year or so.

Hard decision for you to make, but maybe see how you feel when your DD is 6 months old or so?

GGMM - I'm sorry that you are in this predicament. Small age gaps are very hard imo (and I had a whole 21 months between mine! - conceived when dd was 12 months old). If you go down this route - I hope you either have close relatives on hand nearby to help out, or you can pay for some help

Sorry to hear about your heart condition

Egg if you find it hard now, just wait until the baby is born (she says encouragingly)

Or 'babies' rather. Eeeek - will you have help?????

There are 11 months between two brothers I know. They get on fine. Their mother said it was tiring, but then parenthood is.

GGMM - so sorry to hear - the last thing you need is pressure when you have a four-week old.
Like others have said, no specific advice, bu Ihave two boys exactly two years apart and it is fantastic. If i had been younger would have kept going @ two year intervals.
My boys a re best friends, and do similar things, like same toys (they are now nearly 10 & nearly 8) My DSDs are three years apart - which becuase of timing meant four school years,and have never got on, tho' obviously that may just be personality clashes.

2 within a year is possible .. my sister has 2 within 18 months .. it has it's advantages

I think it's a moot point (or as Joey from Friends says a 'moo point' .. it's a cow's opinion .. not relevant .. you know 'moooooo') what other's experiences are .. you cope with what you have and you love it for what it is

good luck

I agree a 21 month age gap is great now (ds 3.8 and dd 5.5) but it was shit for the first couple of years. An 18 month gap also drove my friend around the twist.

Not saying don't do it - just be sure you have a support network in place. You will need maternal 'respite' care, unless you are super woman

I had 14 months between ds1 and dd and although the first year of dds life is a bit of a blur it was fantastic as soon she could crawl. They really entertained each other, always had a playmate and are still good friends now they are 6 and 7.

I found it really hard when i had ds2 when dd was 3.5 as she went to school when he was 7 months and i found it really hard work entertaining him by myself!. I started childminding soon after so he always had someone to play with!

i also know someone with 11 months between DCs, she had to have IVF for the first, presumed she could not conceive without help, hence DC2 followed very quickly

lots of people seem to find an 18 month gap is good, you don;t get out of the baby phase and they play together nicely when they get a bit bigger.. but is is more tiring..

i have almost 6 years between mine!

if time is of the essence, then i guess what works for others is irreleavant

get as much help as you can

Thank you for replying BUMPERLICIOUS, fortunately I dont find it very stressful, I didn't originally want to have DC too close together, but I suppose this way I get it all done and over with sooner

Lol NAB at 2 kids too many. DH has said he would like 3 kids, I'm not too bothered about the amount of kids we have, but 3 does sound nice. [niaeve emoticon]

Thanks Humphery, nice to know they can get on together.
There is only a couple of years between me and my DB and we clashed awfully when we were younger. We get on great now though.

Sarah, interesting to hear that, I suppose it would be so much easier.

Thanks

I feel like I am in altered reality.....

why, hMC?

I'm am very lucky in the sense that I have a great support network, my mum is the best. DH is a wonderful dad and does pretty much everything for DD when he is here, so all I have to do is feed her and sit back.
Both DH and I have wonderfully big families that all chip in to help. TBH I couldn't have got through these first few weeks without my mum though.

Thank you all for your experiences and advice.

Well because everybody seems to be advocating how great it all is.

I am not being a harbinger of doom or suggesting that GGMM doesn't go for a small age gap - but I think she should proceed with a realistic perspective about what is involved. I know many mums with a small age gap - and they all without exception found it very challenging.

Dd at 21 months was still a baby when ds came along. She felt marginalised and peripheral when I spent hours breastfeeding him as a newborn (you know how they constantly feed when they are tiny until it gets established)....I also had a 1 year old and a 3 year old both kicking off at the same time with tantrums from hell and had a period when frankly I was scared to leave the house without another adult on hand to help me.

I am level headed and not poor at coping. It is just difficult - which is why I am banging on about GGMM would be well advised to have a proper support network on hand to help her with 2 pre-schoolers at home full time

x-posts.

Am happy now that I have read that GGMM does have that vital (imo) support network

i have 22mths between DD1 and DD2......fab gap and they love each and get on great (most of the time)

DD3 came when DD2 was 2yrs 10mths and DD1 was 4yrs 8mths. wonderful gap for me but the older two do leave out DD3 a lot.

DS1 came when DD3 was 17mths.......by far the nicest gap in my opinion as they are like twins with each other

DS2 came when DS1 was 2yrs 2mths and they are great together now but was harder when they were smaller, but then would they have been had DD3 been so close to DS1??? will never know, but the smaller 3 are now great friends.

one thing tho......pregnancys close together are hard work emotionally as well as physically, and close age gaps can make it really hard as there is always a 'baby' feeling slightly pushed out. I am lucky that mne are great together, but that isn't just me, it is luck and their personalities.
friends of mine find it hard having many close.....but is that because their kiddies are just hard or do the mums make it hard?

I would not change any of my age gaps, and would certainly not have had them bigger as the room sharing and likes/dislikes are easy to handle. OOh, and when you go out, there isn't the worry of different ages making things harder to cater for IYGWIM.

HTH, and good luck

i see HMC. i personally could not have managed 2 under 2, but i know i was in the minority...

glad GGMM has the support

Thanks Handleme, this is what I wanted from this thread, bascially the pros and cons and peoples experiences for and against.

To some extent, you may find it depends on how 'easy' or otherwise your first child turns out to be.

Ds1 has been very easy - good sleeper etc, hence the fact that when ds2 arrives there will be a 25 month gap b/w them (originally I thought 3 years ideal).

A friend of mine who wanted an 18mo gap (age and fertility issues) has recently decided to wait a little cause her ds is such a poor sleeper (still doesn't sleep through etc)

Course, now its occurring to me that just cause ds1 was easy doesn't mean ds2 will be ..but that's another matter.