So I've just got back from seeing my cardiologist and he has said..............

[GoodGollyMissMolly]

that I need to finish having children sooner rather than later due to my heart condition deteriorating. DD will be 4 weeks old tomorrow, so I think I will leave just a while longer yet.

In your opinions what is the best age gap between DC?

What age gaps are there between your DC?

If you have small ages gaps, how did/do you cope?

I have a 3 year 2 month gap. Was fab since ds2 was 2 weeks when ds1 started nursery. So ds2 and I had/have our time alone. (Only had one morning where ds1 maintained I loved ds2 more than him because he was staying at home!) However ds2 is an absolute dream baby and a total contrast to ds1, so that has totally clouded my view of the age gap. I don't know how I'd have coped if ds2 had been the same. As it is ds1 has adapted really well and I've been able to regularly set aside mummy and ds1 time, so we're all happy. Too young to know how any friendship will develop.

I have 16 months between mine. It wasnt planned and very very hard work. But I actually coped better than when I just had the 1 I suppose when you have already been through the new born stage you are not quite as panicky and on edge like with your first newborn. I felt very guilty about not giving ds1 quality time but I didnt have good support that allowed me to do that. I also found the pregancy hard looking after a toddler but then my boby doesnt do preg well.But we managed to survive and now they are 4 and 5 they keep each other company alot, play alot together and are good friends. I think if you have a bigger age gap it is easier in the beginning but perhaps more difficult when the younger toddler keeps destroying the older childs things and they both grow up having different interests due to age gap

handlemecarefully - yes i am having a bit of help! But am sure it wont be enough... I have a post natal doula who will be coming prob 4 days a week from 10ish am to 2 or 3ish pm (we will work it out once babies are here). Am not as worried about the twins as about DS, who is HARD WORK. He goes to nursery a bit, and will be doing two full days a week from Jan, which will be a godsend, but he doesn't walk in the right direction if we go anywhere, so really needs to be in a buggy if we are going more than a few metres, and I can't (don't WANT) a triple buggy, so will end up with one newborn in a sling so DS can be in the double buggy. Argh.

GGMM - just think, pregnancy no 2 could give you TWINS. Or TRIPLETS .

Egg, I hadn't thought of that and both DH and I have twins in our immediate family [worried emoticon]
But on the other hand we would like 3 kids so I suppose it would be easier to have the one pregnancy and end up with 2 more and then not have to have any more pregnancies [niaeve emoticon]

I know it will be hard, but both DH and I really do want more DC and if my heart isn't likely to cope as I get older I suppose I we will just have to have them soon.
I am thinking if we start trying for number two this time next year.
DD will be over a year old and even if I fall pregnant straight away there will be a 21 month age gap that I think we could cope well with.

DD is such an easy baby, very content and only cries for a feed, although I suppose it doesn't mean any other DC we have will be like DD.

Ooohh it's so hard to decide what to do for the best!!!!

We had 17 months between our first two, dd1 and dd2, by choice. Yes it was tiring but I didn't find it as awful as all that, partly because dd1 was a very easy child - good sleeper, eater, not jealous, not very demanding.

It was dd3 who had us on our knees, but that was because we had 3 in 4 years.

but I still like small gaps, my dds are all good friends, they are excellent company for each other. We did have a lot of childcare though and my dp works part time so I wasn't left struggling on my own too much.

I had dc4 when dc2 was 2y7m and dc3 was 15m. Kept me busy but I loved it right from the start. I prefer mine close together.

18 months between mine - it was hell for about 18 months after ds2 was born, but absolutely FAB once they get a bit older.

My s-i-l has a 13 month gap and she said much the same. I don't know how different it would be for you with a heart problem. Maybe you would need a lot of extra help at first? Good luck, whatever you decide.

14 months between my two little ones.

In the early days it is hard work, you have to try and figure out how to get down on the floor and build a tower for the older one whilst bfing the baby, but you work it out. And by the time the youngest is 2 or so, they play together, they skip around the room holding hands or they empty the contents of your kitchen cupboards onto the living room floor (rice last week, flour yesterday ) but it is so nice for them to have a sibling so close in age and I wouldn't change things.

my cousins little girls are 11months and 3weeks.
she is coping really well with the two she has lots of support the is finding the older dd is not jealous of dd2 at all dd1 loves helping and talks to the baby gives her kisses and cuddles loves her baby sis
my cousin says she loves them both and its hard work but she loving it.
would having two close not put bigger strain on your heart?

Its really encouraging to hear so many positives about having DC close together.

Stockingfiller - It probably would put a bit more strain on my heart, but I think my cardiologist is looking at the pregnancies later on in life as more of a danger.

I must add that although my heart condition has deteriorated I feel fine, still a little sore from the birth of DD but other than that I feel fab.
Maybe he's just being extra, extra cautious.

Although he did say he wanted to to finish having them before I get to 31-32, and I'm 28 and a half now. So I best get busy

enjoy you dd you must be doing really well to be feeling fine!
everyone gets bit sore after having a baby comes with the baby
so you got cpl years to squeeze cpl more in lol

I think you should heed him even though it puts you in a difficult position.I have a heart condition and my doctors were all for me having another baby in 2003 and by 2005 it was a resounding no (unless I was prepared to take a huge risk)Do you have friends and family who could help you out while they are young and life is hectic?

Thanks stockingfiller.

Noddy, yes I have a really good support network, mum is fantastic and DH is very very hands on. When he is not working he takes over when he comes in, all I have to do is feed her, although if I'm asleep DH will give her a bottle of EBM.
I agree I should heed my cardio's advice, that and plus the fact I would have another tomorrow if I could.

I think being pg with twins and a young toddler will put a lot of strain on your heart. No expert on heart conditions but when you are pg I think you double the amount of blood that your heart has to pump around your body, so when you have more than one baby this amount goes up, my heart certainly beats manically every time I try to do anything more than walk at snails pace, and it was not this bad last time (was on exercise bike 4 times a week up til day I gave birth last time, got new bike delivered yesterday so got on it for 20 seconds and nearly died...).

Hope that makes sense!

GGMM, I have four children - dd1 and dd2 are 17 months apart, then I have a gap of 6 years, then ds1 and ds2 are 2 years apart (and would have been a smaller gap if nature had played along!! ). I found the dds really easy to handle, so much so that I repeated the pattern and deliberately had the dses close together. It does, absolutely, depend on how easy they are, which of course is something you can't predict - I'm fortunate (maybe - I like to think it's my superior parenting skills ) that my dcs are all fairly "easy" children. Having dcs close together is not necessarily a bad move - it's worked out very well for us.

17 months between my two, very hard work for the first 6 months and then not sooooo bad after that!!! I would still go for that gap again, you are still in the "baby phase and geared up for sleepless nights etc".

Good luck with whatever you decide