AIBU- why do parents plaster their kids on social media when they are ill

[Tirediam]

Just that really. Not just “oh Ben has a cold today” but “we’ve been in a and e for 4 hours”
I follow someone (will be unfollowing today) who has given us an hour by hour update of their child who has been in a and e with something the GP missed. This child is seriously ill (and thankfully will get better now) but there are photos and stories of them both looking rough as shit with a step by step of what has happened and what will happen next.
I’ve taken my son to a and e twice, and the last thing I thought was to get the phone out and take photos of him when he was distressed.
Why do people do this???

Attention.

Some people do it for attention
I think some people do it for support too
Depends on how the post is

Support. To try to get a bit of company while you’re sat in hospital with a sick child. It can be cripplingly boring at the same time as being terrifying and lonely.

My kid had cancer and though I didn’t share things openly I did in closed groups and the support and company meant a lot.

For attention. People post things for attention. A lot of people think people posting things for attention is pathetic. I don’t that though. They’ve got a sick child so they’ve made a post so that they can get responses from people acknowledging they’re going through a hard time, and get a load of support, sympathy and potentially useful advice. It makes some needy people feel better when they get attention when they’re feeling like shite. I used to do it a lot myself about 4/5 years ago when I had no family and friends irl, I had no one to talk to so I was a massive over sharer on social media. I’ve connected with people since I’ve moved to a lovely new area and made friends with neighbours and through my new job, I don’t even go on sm much anymore now that I have support from them. I think it’s best to not judge what other people do, it’s not affecting you.

Alot of people use social media to keep everyone up to date all at once rather than having to message everyone individually, im not on social media so if i want to let family members know how my poorly kid is doing i have to message each one so i would say they do it for convenience xx

I don't know why anyone ever posts their kids on social media, it seems insane to me! I agree it's especially distasteful with a sick child.

@User5252727

I don't know why anyone ever posts their kids on social media, it seems insane to me! I agree it's especially distasteful with a sick child.

Why?

I was having this very conversation last night with a friend. I removed a guy from my Facebook, he couldn’t post a picture of his little girl without having a dig at the child’s mother. What made me block him was he posted a selfie up of himself with a forced out concerned look on his face and in the background was his little girl lying flat on her back on the floor with 2 paramedics attending to her, this was about midnight. I was so disgusted, I nearly wrote a comment saying would it not fit you better to see your wee girl is ok instead of posting selfie’s on Facebook but I thought fuck it, and blocked him instead.

It's attention seeking. I have a friend who I've known since we were small, who is the most dramatic person ever. Her DH being late home from work because of bad traffic is such a blow to his restful evening - she will post ranty stuff about other people having the audacity to drive home at rush hour

Anyway she had a minor argument with her 9 year old last week and he stormed out of the house, this was at 17:30. By 17:35 she had posted a "missing" post on FB with a photo of the child, tagging the police FB page, asking people to share the post. By 17:40 he had returned home of his own accord after walking round the block - she hadn't even bothered to look locally because she was so excited to have an opportunity to post that dramatic shite. I'd unfriend her if it wouldn't cause a diplomatic incident (our parents are friends and she would exaggerate wildly).

It just got my back up. I thought "put your bloody phone down". As for updating people.. family whatsapp? your 2000 followers don't need to see your child at their worst, struggling to breathe.

Different people use social media for different things.
Same as different people use telephones and real life socialising for different reasons.
If you dont like someones social media activity, just unfollow them

It depends on the situation really, my DD having an asthma attack, rushed to resus, admitted to the ward. I popped a post on the next morning so people knew we were in and could send her their best wishes.

Earlier this year, she had a problem that we had been back forth to several docs about, people could see she had something wrong. We went for a scan and got admitted. It was a pretty scary time. We had distant family, school mums, hobbie friends, my work friends, all messaging to say hope she’s ok etc. So I did pop an update on each time something developed just so I didn’t miss anyone off who was asking about her.

No need for hourly updates in a&e though.

Yeah, weird.

Why?

Because children can't consent to a social media presence. Because parents have no idea how their kids will feel about their childhoods being posted online when they're older. Because all people should have the right to decide for themselves what their online presence will be. Because it can endanger your children. Because I used to be embarrassed when my mother shared family albums with my friends, and social media amplifies that tenfold. Because it has been reported that pedophiles have stolen family photos from social media and doctored them to look like images of child sex abuse.

I think it's also worth asking the reverse question - why would one put one's kids on social media? What benefit does it have for the child? Is it just being done for the benefit of adults, in which case what is the justification?

We're very used to putting our whole lives online and we already know how harmful and damaging that can be. Knocks to self esteem, chasing the empty validation of 'likes', identity theft, manipulation of vulnerable people, grooming, etc. I choose not to expose my child to that until he is old enough to decide for himself if he wants an online presence, and can be taught how to protect himself online.

Attention seeking.
I refused to allow someone to take a photo of my child in hospital as I didn't trust that photo wouldn't end up round the social club or on FB.

I absolutely hate this and I don't understand the need to share it with everyone!
Also the photos they upload with it of the poor children when they're unwell or have have a bump/fall etc.
Who wants a phone shoved in their face when they're lying in bed feeling sick!?
I actually saw a post yeeeaaarrs ago on Facebook that a woman I knew took a photo of her daughter going into an ambulance!?!???!!

I don't know why anyone ever posts their kids on social media, it seems insane to me! I agree it's especially distasteful with a sick child.

Why?

If you have to have it explained to you, you’re never going to get it.

It’s obvious, surely. Consent? Privacy?

Depends on the nature of the post.

“Currently in a and e as Little Jonnie fell out of a tree and hurt his arm”

• could be posted due to boredom whilst waiting, or to let people know where they are. Not so bad if it’s only a couple of posts, ie initial visit then post visit summary.

Repeated posts, and especially posts of sick kids, I’m not so keen on.

Twenty years ago, pre-Internet days, my eldest dc was seriously illmin hospital. My em visited and took a photo of him. I was horrified - he was poorly, plus I don’t want a photographic memory of him being that I’ll (all now recovered and a six foot plus twenty one year old).

Dm

DM? @Riverlee

My kids have had various serious incidents over the years. I have never posted at the time, but I do post once the danger is over just to say "Charlie recovering from his appendix operation well" with him looking well doing a thumbs up; I guess it's for support at that point. Would never post pictures of my child looking sick on an open forum.

They've got a seriously ill child and they're looking for someone to "talk" to.

It's not what I'd do, but I do think I'd find some compassion and understanding for any "friend" that did it.

You're clearly not a friend of this person, so I think you should unfollow them.

People do this because many people live their lives on/through social media these days and this is what is happening in their life. They don;t have to only post happy news.

I have never posted anything about my kids on social media - but that does not mean I can't understand that other people routinely do.

@rrhuth I have unfollowed them. I started following as we had something fairly big in common and was nice to see/discuss etc but since then it’s everything and yes share everything to do with your life, crack on. But your child doesn’t need a phone in their face in a and e. Or a photo of the two of them hugging with the mother having a sad look on her face posing for photos.. again in a and e. I just don’t understand.
But yes, agreed, I have unfollowed.