Am I being unreasonable?

[grace1991]

Hey everyone.
I need honest opinions.

I work part time, and my husband works full time. We have a one year old and a mad house.

Husband has a week off this week and hasn't got much planned. I got home from an early shift today to the following: (bearing in mind baby has been in nursery all day so he's been alone)
Nappies on bedroom floor
Soaked gro bag left in cot cos baby had peed through in the night
Cat poo in literbox which stunk
Bed not made
Glsss from the night on the side
Wee on toilet seats
Washing up in sink
Babies breakfast crumbs and biscuits still on high chair

I then had to clean the kitchen and do all the washing up. Fairness to him he then cooked dinner but I had to clean that up and I'm on another early shift tomorrow. I then had to bath baby boy and get him to bed.

Am I being unreasonable to sort of expect this to be done while I'm out? I would always make the house spotless for when he got home and do everything for baby boy. I'm a mother I get it but I'm not a maid and a cleaner as well.
He said to me I'm being unrealistic of what men do and all women do this. He said no other man would be expected to do that much.

The things he did today is walk the dog, go to the gym, change a light switch, and send a couple of emails. He hoovered too.

Please be honest am I expecting too much? I walk the dog every day I am off as well as look after bubba and get the house sorted.

Thankyou in advance

Why is your first reaction like this
I then had to clean the kitchen and do all the washing up?

Nappies on bedroom floor
Soaked gro bag left in cot cos baby had peed through in the night
Cat poo in literbox which stunk
Wee on toilet seats
Babies breakfast crumbs and biscuits still on high chair

I would expect most of these things to be sorted.
Glass on side & bed not made are more personal preferences.

Maybe ask him to do washing up tomorrow?

@Prokupatuscrakedatus what do you mean? Xx

@FestiveMayo yes I suppose some of it is personal preference. We live in a brand new gorgeous home and I love making sure it is clean and tidy and hygienic all the time. Maybe My expectations are just too high..

Read up on Wifework.

This is why most women end up happier after divorce!

@felulageller I don't want a divorce! X

PP means you didn’t HAVE to clean the kitchen, do the washing up, bathe baby and put him to bed. You both HAD to do these things. Not just you.

Anything wee or poo related I would expect to be sorted basically

He was waiting for the maid to turn up

He said to me I'm being unrealistic of what men do and all women do this. He said no other man would be expected to do that much. I would have laughed for a long time at this. My first reaction would have been to drag his backside off the sofa, not walk in and start washing up! Don't allow this entitled male attitude to womens work.

Sorry, yes (English is not my first language and I was at a loss to say what I would have said in your place - they do not teach you that kind of language).
Anyway - by starting to clear the mess you have basically accepted that it is your job and he can sit surrounded by dirty nappies until you come and do it.

[quote grace1991]@Prokupatuscrakedatus what do you mean? Xx[/quote]
Why did you do those jobs ?

Some of the stuff on your list is downright disgusting and absolutely should have been a priority ahead of all the other stuff he did namely the nappies, piss soaked bedding, cat litter and loo seat. Some of your stuff is petty and comes down to personal preference. I couldn’t be annoyed that someone hoovered but didn’t pick up a glass or make the bed. Breakfast crumbs and washing up, meh, maybe he was getting to it, I certainly wouldn’t have jumped straight to doing it myself. By mixing up really truly grim stuff with the totally petty you’re loosing the high ground especially as he isn’t a total lazy arse given he hoovered, cooked, walked the dog and did a bit of DIY. Maybe a chat about priorities is in order but I’d definitely focus on the hygiene element.

He said to me I'm being unrealistic of what men do and all women do this. He said no other man would be expected to do that much.

My DH does vastly more. All while being gorgeous and earning more that me (currently).

Any man who leaves pee-soaked bedding because he thinks you as a woman should sort it is a misogynist and an arsehole. It's got URINE on it.

He said to me I'm being unrealistic of what men do and all women do this. He said no other man would be expected to do that much.

Wow. He needs to meet a few more real men and fathers.
In fact, a lot of that is just about living as a human being.

However, I do agree with other posters that you didn't "have to" do everything when you came in - your time would have been better spent making him do them.

Yeah, he’s been lazy.

If either of us has a day off when kids are at school & nursery, we’ll blitz the chores and then then find time to chill. Usually we’ll ask the other person if there’s anything else that needs doing other the obvious stuff just in case we’d not been aware of it.

Why were there nappies on the floor in the first place? I hope they weren’t used ones 🤢

Lazy swine.

@BingBongToTheMoon because I went to work at 5am (emergency services) he got the bubba ready and changed his nappy then took him to nursery. Leaving the nappy on the floor.
We have such a clean pristine home it just winds me up why he would do that. MEN!!!!!!!

Thankyou all for your responses.
I think I do have a bit of pettiness when it comes to certain chores. I do think I need to chill about the stuff like a glass on the side etc but the other ones like bedding and nappies isn't acceptable. He knows I wash the gro bag and cot sheet every day if it's even got a bit of drool on it. So I don't know why he just left it.

Thankyou. A lot to think about.

He should have done more, ignoring the wet baby stuff & car poo is not ok.

Mainly His comment about women doing the work is sexist & annoying! If he'd apologised & come up with a decent explanation id have more sympathy for him. I know there are plenty of men out there that would have wanted to do their fair share of the jobs.

@

@magicstars yes I know there are men who do more. I've just tried to explain to him I appreciate all the house bits he does but I need him to do more for ME. Take a bit of pressure of me. I don't care if a shelf isn't up or a light bulb isn't changed. I want him to help with the baby and keep our home lovely. X

You wash a gro bag every day. That's insane.

@Hercisback I meant every time it's yucky with wee or drool. He does have more than one. Sorry I wasn't clear x

@grace1991

Thankyou all for your responses. I think I do have a bit of pettiness when it comes to certain chores. I do think I need to chill about the stuff like a glass on the side etc but the other ones like bedding and nappies isn't acceptable. He knows I wash the gro bag and cot sheet every day if it's even got a bit of drool on it. So I don't know why he just left it.

Thankyou. A lot to think about.

You need to lower your standards just a tad and he needs to raise his a mile haha!

Seriously though think about the environmental impact of washing things when they don't need it. Wee, sure it needs a wash. Drool, not so much if it's just a small bit and will dry up.