Did anyone else's baby make them hate breastfeeding?

[Bumblebee413]

I'm sat here in tears. My baby is just a year old and in the last few weeks we've started to supplement with formula as she is dairy intolerant and as I've gone back to work I can't express frequently enough and my supply is dropping. I'm too exhausted to express any more either so I'm just feeling like it's all coming to a natural conclusion anyway.

Breastfeeding has always been really important to me and I always wanted to make it to a year. I did that and I'm proud, but I'm hating every feed and it isn't how I want to end things. She has gone through periods of being an absolute jerk at the breast and she's doing it now.

She pulls at my hair, scratches, pinches and plucks at me. At the moment she is nipple fixated, so whichever one I am not feeding from, if I try to feed her in bed, she will stop at NOTHING to get to the other one so she can pull, twist and pinch it. The quickest way to get it to stop, I'm fairly certain, would be to ignore it, but it hurts so much!! I lie covering it with my hand and she digs her nails in, slaps at my hand, pulls and eventually starts screaming if she can't get to it. I can't tell you how very, very angry it makes me. It feels like I'm under attack and it makes me hate her a bit.

I've had periods of this since she was born where she goes through phases and is just a nightmare to feed. We sometimes have lovely peaceful feeds and it's how I want to end things but I just feel so cheated by the whole experience.

I've rarely if ever got as angry as I get with her when she plucks and pinches and scratches at me. I know it's completely innocent and absent of malice, but it's so persistent and I've been so tired. But I haven't heard of this from anyone else. It looks so blissful and harmonious whenever you see it depicted anywhere and it hurts so much when people say it helped them bond, as it feels like it has driven a wedge between us at times and I feel awful. Does everyone else just enjoy the fighting? Is it just my baby? Is it me? I know it's irrelevant as I'm stopping any day now cause I can't take much more. I just really wanted to end on a positive note, but I just feel cheated and like the meanest angry Mum.

Bless you OP, you’re not mean, it sounds like feeding aversion which is common, especially when they start go wriggle and bite. Feeding a 1 year old is nothing like snuggling a sleepy newborn! I got terrible feeding aversion when my DS was co sleeping and wanting to feed all night, it would make my skin crawl. I understand wanting to end on a positive note because I’m in the same boat with my 14 month old but you’ve done an amazing job feeding your little girl and if the time is right to stop then that’s what you should do xx

It's not just you. I stopped at 14 months because I hated the pinching, biting, scratching so much. Just couldn't take it any more.

Presumably some toddlers are fine and don't do this. Otherwise I don't know how anyone carries on!

I didn’t get pinched or scratched but after ten months to a year I did not feel strongly about continuing and my dc ate well so I would not have tolerated pinching or scratching. I’d just stop the feed and walk away. My dc refused bottles but could drink from a cup by 9mo.

This sounds hellish and you shouldn’t beat yourself up for stopping! I wondered if it’s partly nature’s way of them growing out of it.. I don’t know as I’m no expert nor experience but maybe it’s a cue! I think you should feel very happy you did it for a year xxxx

@Poppy709 thank you so, so much. I thought it was only babies who could develop a feeding aversion. I'm sobbing with relief now. I know it's a bit of an awful thing to day but i just wanted to know that I wasn't alone. It's the weirdest thing- I love her so much and the instant she isn't feeding it's like the baby I was so angry with was a different baby, if that makes any sense? Like I get my daughter back once she's off.

I do have really lovely periods of feeding. But the bad times are so low and I just felt really alone. Thank you so much xxxz

Feeding older babies and toddlers is sometimes lovely and often an absolute chore. I think that the fact that we rarely see older babies feeding means that it all comes as a bit of a surprise after a snuggly baby!
In my experience, I've found that my toddlers' annoying habits don't change massively over time, but I go through ups and downs of feeding aversion so strong that I sit crying during every feed for a while, then I'm fine for a while again.
Don't beat yourself up if you just can't face it anymore, it's bloody torture to keep going when you're hating it!

OP don’t beat yourself up, for what it’s worth I think that sounds absolutely hellish and I don’t think I could cope with that myself. Not the feeding obviously but the nipple fixation.

Teach toddler nursing manners, any messing = no breastfeed. Or maybe a twiddle toy necklace or stop feeding altogether if you’ve had enough. It is tough.

mamajewels.co.uk/why-use-a-breastfeeding-necklace/

My DD is ten months and also is obsessed with pinching and twisting the nipple she isn’t feeding from! As you say she will stuff her hand in my bra to get to it if I try and hide it…one thing that has helped me is giving her a comforter to scrunch in her hand. I will also sometimes hold her hands which she seems to like. I’m sorry it’s affecting you so badly. I think of it as quite cheeky and sweet that she’s just intrigued by where milk comes form and how it works but I can totally see how if you got a mental block about it it would be infuriating x

kellymom.com/ages/older-infant/nursing-manners-2/

Oh my goodness you are me!

If you feed lying down then you should be able to position yourself so that your body is pinning down her lower arm and your upper hand is free so you can fend off her upper hand.

I stopped bf on ds 1st birthday as the biting was getting too much and was really upsetting me. It wasn't how I wanted it to end either but I couldn't relax having him near my breast and had already had an infection so was worried about another.

Even now at 16m he's a terror for pinching, grabbing and jabbing his fingers right into our flesh. It's horrendous and I also feel under attack. It seems to be his way of soothing but it does infuriate me. I try having long sleeves over my arms, hood up etc to stop him grabbing at my neck. It's horrible, so I'm relieved to hear other babies are like this. I just hope he stops soon!!

Your not alone. I had to google this because I had the same feeling. In my head I would feel like screaming ‘ leave me alone’ but then after some time I would go back to feeling normal again. Anyways I had to stop bf at 17 months due to this but I made sure I was in the right head space and not going through a temporary aversion

Just find it really hard to understand why women would persist in feeding toddlers while finding themselves pinched, bitten and left in tears. Who is this benefiting? Sounds awful for both mother and child. I can understand battling through a feeding aversion with a one month old but why put yourself through it with a much older child?

@N4ish because a breastmilk is still very beneficial for a toddler . Regardless of the feeding aversions If I could go back in time I would do it again knowing my son got the nutrition and benefits breastmilk provides

[quote Mamacarrot]@N4ish because a breastmilk is still very beneficial for a toddler . Regardless of the feeding aversions If I could go back in time I would do it again knowing my son got the nutrition and benefits breastmilk provides[/quote]
Completely agree that the nutritional benefits continue for toddlers but I think that has to be balanced with the mother’s wellbeing. Ending feeds in tears might be tolerable in the early days when feeding is getting established but surely not a year in. I was someone who stopped breastfeeding once teeth came in and the biting started, just wasn’t willing to put myself through that.

It’s a phase just like everything else. I fed to 26 months and around 12 months it was really hard. I also hated the last few weeks before we stopped. I didn’t intend to keep going, it was accidental really.
Stop if you are ready, I’m not suggesting you should carry on, but it’s entirely normal to have bad patches.

The nipple tweaking is the absolute worst. I find I'm more annoyed by it at certain times of the month, so there may be a hormonal component . For example, around ovulation time I have the least tolerance as my nipples are too sensitive.
I tend to grin and bear it to avoid

a melt down and because it means DS will be asleep soon but sometimes it's really hard to ignore.

Oh gosh, what?! No, I never had this

Ohhh the twiddling! Like they're trying to tune a radio with it! I think I experienced proper aversion a few times and it was awful, the rage like I wanted to throw her off me (obviously I wouldn't, but I was occasionally in tears as it was so hard) You are not alone, aversion is real and horrid! You have done amazingly to get this far, you definitely don't need to feel bad if you choose to stop.

From 1 year you can use normal milk not formula, we found the Alpro soya growing up milk was good (it has a giraffe picture on the front and gets called giraffe milk in our house which then has to be explained to people...) I introduced a cup of that before bed, which then meant I knew she'd had a good amount of milk so I could shorten the bedtime feed if necessary, as that was the worst for aversion for me - she got used to me doing a count down for each side and accepted that was it.

I'd also say if you decide to continue there's no need to express, your supply will still be there when she needs it - and you set the boundaries about when/ how long feeds are. At this age she's not so dependent on milk anyway as she's getting lots of her nutrition from solid food. I've found the Facebook group 'breastfeeding older babies and beyond really helpful - they have lots of tips for coping with twiddling, gentle weaning and so on.

Finally I just wanted to say that for me, it was worth continuing (which doesn't mean it will be the same for you!) as the number of good memories I have far outweigh the bad, and sometimes it was so useful to be able to feed her eg when she got hurt, or when she was poorly in hospital. We found a pattern that suited us and gradually cut down fees until just the snuggly morning one was left, and eventually we stopped when she was 3. To be honest I'd never dreamed we'd continue that long, but I'm glad we did. However, breastfeeding is a relationship that needs to work for both of you, and at the moment it's clearly not working for you, so don't feel bad about changing or stopping. Sorry for my waffle, sending you hugs!

@N4ish I don’t think every feeding ends in years . From my experience it was a temporary aversion which didn’t last long and majority of the times I felt very happy to feed my toddler . I think everyone’s tolerance is different . What you may not tolerate others can

Mine does this too. I had a twiddling necklace but one day it took her about three seconds to wrap it around her wrist so tightly it cut off circulation so I threw it away. I am trying different techniques to get her to stop, right now a combo of wearing a shirt and only pulling up one side and covering the opposite nipple very firmly with my hand. When she bites I tell her no very sternly and she stops right away.