Swimming changing rooms

[ncw1234]

Hi, I have 2 children (girl 4 and boy 8). They have swimming lessons at the same time. As it is only children's swimming lessons happening at the time, and so only children getting undressed, I have been using the male changing rooms. One of my sons friends (girl) is in his lesson and so it felt a bit awkward making them get naked in the same changing room. As my daughter is only 4 she is more than happy to use the male changing room. A father approached me yesterday though - and said I should be using the female changing rooms. Not sure what's right? I can't leave my son alone as the changing rooms have exits on opposite sides of the building and it's dark when we come out. What are your views??

Are you male or female?

If you are male - crack on.
If you are female - you need to go into the female changing rooms. Ds at 8 is old enough to go into the Male changing rooms (unless he has SEN).

It's gender of adult, not child so if you're a man, you're fine. If you're a woman, get out of the men's changing room.

I think the general rule is children 8+ do not need to be supervised unless they have additional needs.

I would worry leaving my son to change alone at that age, I like places that offer family changing rooms so it's not an issue.

I can't leave my son alone as the changing rooms have exits on opposite sides of the building and it's dark when we come out

So you and ddwalk round to the male exit after changing and meet ds there.

As a swimming teacher we had this all the time you need to go in the female changing as the adult you is female. Same if a man was in the girls changing rooms it's inappropriate.

Are you male or female?

Kind of the most important point of the thread don’t you think?

If you’re male then carry on. If you’re female then get the hell out of the male changing rooms. That’s unacceptable.

As above

If you are an adult female you should not me in the men's changing rooms. He either goes to the female changing room or in the male one by himself

Please don't tell us you sit there reading a book aswell.......

I think the other thread going on this topic has answered this well. If you are over 8 you can only go into the changing rooms that match your sex. How you solve the rest of this problem is up to you.

If you are female you need to be in the female changing room. You can take children under 8 of either sex in there. Your son is 8 so needs to be in the make changing room. My daughter is currently 6 and although I'm in the changing room with her she requires no help. I think she'll be fine on her own at 8 - she knows to go out of the correct exit at the correct time.

He is 8 so he goes in the male changing rooms himself. The changing rooms exit surely isn't on to the street so when he leaves the changing room he waits in reception for you, by the desk if it makes you feel happier.

Op I agree with the if you're female you shouldn't be in the male room but I disagree a child of 8 is fine to be in with strangers. We generally do an awful in between thing where if eldest is there he keeps everyone near the door and I shout in to see are they okay, if he's not they get into the car practically wet and we get dried and changed in car. Mn is literally the worst place to ask this question, common sense goes out the window

If you are female you use the female changing rooms. Is there not cubicles your son could use within the female bit if you don't want him in male one alone?

Thanks all. I should have said, I'm female! And also given context that the lessons are at a school, so there are never adults getting changed. I don't feel comfortable leaving him on his own (he's only just turned 8 and quite anxious about things like that), so we'll go in the girls changing room and just be as discreet as possible! Unfortunately there are no cubicles.

You're seriously planning taking your 8 year old DS into the female changing rooms, even knowing he has female classmates in there? Let's just see how long that lasts before you're all thrown out 🙄🙄🙄 I'd be flipping fuming if I was his classmates mum.

It's tricky as I understand your worry about your son. But you can't take him into the female changing room now and expect the girls to just suck it up. You've said yourself that it's awkward for female friends.

I think what I'd do, assuming the exit from male side is to the outside rather than into an inside space, is tell him to wait inside his exit door once he's dressed. Then I'd go to that exit and knock (3 times or something), or open it a crack and call his name. Then he can safely come out.

If the lessons are at a school pool you have even less to worry about than if they are at a public pool. The only men in the changing rooms will be Dads, Grandads, Carers of the bkys using the changing rooms. Of course nothing is ever no risk but this is certainly low risk. What do the other mums who take 8 year old boys do?

Op it's not ideal but I think he needs to go into the boys alone.

It's really not right for you to be seeing boys getting changed nor is it right for him to be seeing classmates.

I felt worried about my DS going in alone and it wouldn't be unusual initially for me to be shouting into door "are you ok" or on the odd occasion asking if one of the teachers could check on him.

At 8 he should be able to get changed on his own. Our children did school swimming lessons from year 3. Is there really nowhere he could wait for you?

I agree that the parent should be in the changing room for their own sex.

Once children reach the age where they would be uncomfortable changing naked - or make their opposite sex classmates who are changing naked, then they need to be in their own sex changing rooms.

It is tricky when they are at an age that feels young to be unsupervised, but choices are to let them get on with it, have a male adult take them, or find lessons at a pool with unisex changing facilities.

You taking him into a male changing room (where there could be 10+ 12+ year old boys changing even if no adult males) is not acceptable. Him being in a changing room making his 8 year old female classmates uncomfortable is not acceptable either.

What do the other female parents of 8 year old boys do?

I wouldn’t just be concerned about the door if there is any chance of strange men being in the men’s changing room when your little boy is alone.

Either way, this NSPCC guidance suggests that a members of staff with DBS should go in with an unaccompanied child.

Would that be possible?

thecpsu.org.uk/media/445544/safe-use-of-changing-facilities-lg-july-2020.pdf

Goodness, this is a minefield!! Maybe we'll just put onesies on and go straight home!

Some of the replies here!! He's only 8, he's a little boy! It can't be right to make him go in the men's on his own.
Grateful that our local pool has cubicles.

Wow! I never realised this was a thing! 8 years old is too young in my eyes to be in a changing room alone with other adults.