Swimming changing rooms

[ncw1234]

Hi, I have 2 children (girl 4 and boy 8). They have swimming lessons at the same time. As it is only children's swimming lessons happening at the time, and so only children getting undressed, I have been using the male changing rooms. One of my sons friends (girl) is in his lesson and so it felt a bit awkward making them get naked in the same changing room. As my daughter is only 4 she is more than happy to use the male changing room. A father approached me yesterday though - and said I should be using the female changing rooms. Not sure what's right? I can't leave my son alone as the changing rooms have exits on opposite sides of the building and it's dark when we come out. What are your views??

@Motherchicken

Wow! I never realised this was a thing! 8 years old is too young in my eyes to be in a changing room alone with other adults.

Then he comes into the female changing room with his.mother.

@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz your missing the bit about making his female classmates uncomfortable.

8 is young but their is no simple answer my answer was to hover at the door occasionally I'd ask a Dad or instructor to check if he was taking too long

Like I said, children here go swimming in school from year 3 so 7 and 8 year olds change themselves. One of my children who has hypotonia and dyspraxia managed from that age so neurotypical children should manage just fine.

Practice at home.

@Motherchicken

Wow! I never realised this was a thing! 8 years old is too young in my eyes to be in a changing room alone with other adults.

And the OP has said it's only children getting undressed. Not adults.

It’s definitely the changing room of whatever sex the adult is. Once at our swimming lesson a man with his two very young daughters came into the woman’s changing room. Where adult women were also getting changed. He was yelled at and pushed out of the door. He didn’t want his daughters to see any willies in the male changing room but had no concept that adult women wouldn’t want him seeing them naked either.

Sorry OP but you shouldn't be in the men's changing space. Just like dad's shouldn't be in the women's changing space.

Nor is it really OK for your ds to be in the women's because there will be girls in there and it isn't fair for them.

It is tricky. I have a 12 yo ds with asd and he can't be in these spaces by himself. However, there are plenty of times where there is no provision or I'll be directed to a very grim accessible toilet. 🤮

You'll find a work around I'm sure.

He is capable of getting himself dressed, but would be uncomfortable being in a room on the other side of the building to me, with a room full of strangers.

@ncw1234

He is capable of getting himself dressed, but would be uncomfortable being in a room on the other side of the building to me, with a room full of strangers.

So either: a) your husband comes and takes your son to get changed b) you buy your son a dryrobe and he waits in the car while you change your daughter c) you buy both your children dryrobes and take them home.

Your son is too old to be in the women and girls changing room and you absolutely shouldn't be in the men and boys.

Up to you how you resolve it.

@ncw1234

He is capable of getting himself dressed, but would be uncomfortable being in a room on the other side of the building to me, with a room full of strangers.

OK

You stand with your dd outside the men's while he gets changed. Your dd can put a towel robe over while she's there so she'll be pretty dry by the time he's done.

Then he comes back out and he stands outside the women's while you change dd.

Then you either both go out the main exit if there is one or you give the nod and you'll both go out of your respective exits and meet up outside.

Adults have to use the changing room of whatever sex they are. So, as you are female, you should take the 4yo into the ladies' and the 8yo should change on his own in the men's.

He is too old to go into the female change rooms. You are not male so can’t go into the make change rooms.

Those are the base rules. It’s up to you to find a solution that fits within those rules. There’s been lots of good suggestions on here. Others are to change him poolside with a poncho, go to a different pool, ask staff if there is another solution.

@Motherchicken

Wow! I never realised this was a thing! 8 years old is too young in my eyes to be in a changing room alone with other adults.

Sounds like he is just changing with other 8 year olds from his lesson though, which makes it pretty different in my eyes.

Sounds like he is just changing with other 8 year olds from his lesson though, which makes it pretty different in my eyes.

While they might just be kids some will be 9, 10, 11 and really not comfy changing with opposite sex.

I think even if it’s only children get changed, I would be uncomfortable with my son getting undressed, alone in front of strangers. I wouldn’t be able to see him or hear him if he needed me. If you know one of the other parents who can keep an eye on him then do that. Otherwise for me, I think we would all just, robes on and in the car.

Another thing that doesn’t sit quite right with me, is I wouldn’t leave an 8 year old alone anywhere else. A bit dramatic but what if there’s a fire alarm, or they think they saw you go out the door. All sorts could go wrong.

I agree I wouldn't want my son at 8 changing unsupervised. I assume there's no family changing. Can he go in women's but use a cubicle? Tbh the set up sounds not child friendly, this could be brought up with management. Agree tho not appropriate for you to use men's.

he's old enough to get changed by himself- you don't have to be on the other side of the building- you can just wait outside surely?
It can be nervewracking- Ive had to ask Dad's/lifeguards to check on DS before (in toilets as well as changing rooms)

DS quite often goes to the pool with his kit on underneath his clothes (to speed changing)- and comes home with just a robe on over his kit- again more for speed than anything else

I don't think that him being nervous is a good reason not to do something. Give him lots of reassurance, wait by the exit, and praise when he does it. He'll get used to it.

You're the adult, so the changing room has to match your sex, not the children. If at 8 he is too old for the female changing rooms, I'd assume he's so used to the mens change room you will be able to arrange where to meet and he won't wander off- he is 8. I don't blame a man being uncomfortable- if a man was entering the female change rooms for the same reason I'd complain.

I would assume it's the sex of the person getting naked that counts, so would think the boys changing room more appropriate. We've been to school swim classes like this - so a boys room and a girls room, adults in both of them with the relevant dc. I was in the boys, along with lots of other boys, mums and dads, and a few younger babies and toddlers. Ds was under 8 at this point though. It's not the same as an adult or mixed swim session in a public pool.

@Tailendofsummer it's not really appropriate for the mum to be in the boys changing room with 8, 9, 10 year old boys getting changed.
My own 10yo doesn't want me seeing him naked never mind some random woman.

Think how you'd feel if it was the other way round you were the 8, 9, 10 year old and some other girls Dad was loitering around in the changing room?

Our pool has two disabled/family change rooms that we use when we get there, then after lesson DS will just come home wrapped in his towel in summer or a hooded dressing gown over his swimmers in winter, then straight in the shower when we get home.

Boys in with the boys. Girls in with girls. It's a school. What's the issue?

Lockdownbear, where are you reading there are also 9 and 10 year olds there?
If the ages are that mixed then absolutely. The class I was in had much smaller dc and changing was arranged as I said, boys and parents all in one room. There would need to be a cut off age wise.

We all argued about this around two weeks ago and came to an impasse. There is no right or wrong. You have to do what you need to do to keep your child safe. Personally I would approach the company and ask for guidance.

@Tailendofsummer

Lockdownbear, where are you reading there are also 9 and 10 year olds there? If the ages are that mixed then absolutely. The class I was in had much smaller dc and changing was arranged as I said, boys and parents all in one room. There would need to be a cut off age wise.

I'm taking a guess that they'll be older kids also using the changing room.

I've never seen a swim school which doesn't have mixed ages in the lessons, and I've tried out about 4 different places they are done on ability not age. So I very much doubt that the oldest kids in this swim school are 8 years old.