Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Team around the family meeting.. What can I expect?

49 replies

Ilovepoppets · 04/11/2021 22:01

Hi. I'm due to have a team around the family meeting in a few weeks with my daughters nursery, health visitor, children's services and the police..
I believe it was initiated as a result of an anonymous referral that was made that described my daughter and I as being at risk from her father. We fled domestic abuse and our daughter sees him fortnightly at a contact centre.. My daughters nursery have expressed strong views on her behaviour following contact and are worried about her long term.
What can I expect from this meeting? Similarly the health visitor has expressed concerns over my daughters emotional wellbeing as when asked about her father she cowered in the corner and said she was scared.
I informed my solicitor of this meeting and she's advised that it won't look favourable to get too many professionals involved as it can be viewed as me "manipulating agencies to get involved" I didn't even know a referral had been made till I received a call and the children's services have set up this TAF meeting.
What do you think will happen?

OP posts:

Cheeseandlobster · 04/11/2021 22:04

I don't know about Team Around the Family but I attend Team Around the Person meetings as part of my role and the primary aim is for co ordinating care and support. Nothing sinister. You will look more problematic if you don't attend and actually I find it worrying that your solicitor has advised you don't engage

zippityzip · 04/11/2021 22:04

I chair TAFs. Generally they are very positive and it is usually a way of getting professionals (teachers, nursery staff etc) to implement things to support your child and ensure that happens with a record of meetings.
For example, arranging counseling.

If they have concerns re behaviours folllwing contact then something may be amiss or she is struggling emotionally with this contact and they will seek to resolve that.

The advice from your solicitor is absolutely shocking in my opinion. TAFs are designed to be child centered and your opinion in it will be crucial to her wellbeing.

Original poster

Ilovepoppets · 04/11/2021 22:13

In short, there has been multiple referrals that have been made leading up to fleeing, fleeing and after fleeing.
I engaged with a DV agency prior to fleeing who made a Marac referral, the police also did a Marac referral at the same time, this led to child protection services being involved and ultimately aiding us in fleeing and relocating. Since then, there's been multiple referrals by different professionals to Marac as I'm still believed to be at risk. My daughters health visitor called me today to say for 18 months you've been telling me you're scared and you're at risk and I'm worried it's going to be too late one day and he's already murdered you, she said she can't stand by and do nothing.
The TAF is as a result of a referral that was made to say I was at risk of harm as my ex had made a death threat to me.. Children's services have initiated the TAF meeting, my daughters nursery and hv have both encouraged me to stop taking her to contact.. I'm just worried about what my solicitor has said, my ex has made ludicrous accusations that cafcass and I are in "cahoots" so she said having these multiple referrals will add fuel to the fire. My daughters nursery are really concerned about her, they called me this week to tell me of some very worrying behaviour from her. I'm genuinely scared.

OP posts:

Birdkin · 04/11/2021 22:22

I’ve been involved from the school side with TAF meetings, it’s all about supporting the child and making sure everyone is on the same page with how best to do that.

That is shocking from your solicitor. YOU aren’t making multiple referrals, the professionals in your child’s life are. Does she want you to not engage?? How would that look in court?? Honestly it might be time to find a new solicitor…

Original poster

Ilovepoppets · 04/11/2021 22:27

I'm not sure I will get a new solicitor in time as my next hearing is at the end of January 2022, I'm legally aided..
I think I need the courts permission to change solicitors.
She keeps saying I will give the other side ammunition to claim parental alienation etc. I know she has to give me worse case scenario but it's honestly awful.

OP posts:

Original poster

Ilovepoppets · 04/11/2021 22:29

Can the TAF meeting support my decision to stop contact in the interim? Its been written on my daughters records with children's services "advised mum to stop contact and seek further legal advice" when my daughters hv team found out I was still taking her they urged me to reconsider.. But my solicitor said my hands are tied as there's a court order and if the professionals have genuine concerns then they should tell the court instead of telling me. I honestly don't know what to do.

OP posts:

Griefmonster · 04/11/2021 22:29

I'm also really confused by the "advice" from your solicitor. Is the contact with the father court ordered? (Why on earth is another question...)Are there any court proceedings coming up?

I would think as a PP has said, that it would be really risky to NOT engage with TAF.

Engage with these people. They can help you and have your child's best interests at heart.

Griefmonster · 04/11/2021 22:32

Sorry cross post. I think I can kind of understand (maybe) what your solicitor is saying in this context. That they should be trying to dire tly influence the court rather than telling you to go against the court order. But I still think some independent advice would be better. Can you contact the DV service that supported you before. Or post on legal board

ThePlantsitter · 04/11/2021 22:33

I would get your solicitor to give you that advice in writing and take it with you to the meeting. Adds an extra layer to the support needed (and demonstrates you're not making it up to avoid cooperating, not suggesting you would).

Original poster

Ilovepoppets · 04/11/2021 22:33

There's a court order for supervised in a contact centre, but this was against the cafcass recommendation of no interim contact. We have a really terrible judge. We have him for our next hearing in January.. I'm going to the TAF meeting of course, what's interesting is the week before there will be a Marac meeting and our case will be heard there. My solicitor seems to think I just "ask" for these meetings to take place, but genuinely thought you have to be in the highest risk category to even get the referral accepted? This is the seventh Marac we would've had.

OP posts:

Poppins2016 · 04/11/2021 22:41

my ex has made ludicrous accusations that cafcass and I are in "cahoots"

Your ex is only saying that because he's worried... It's not actually ludicrous. It's a good thing if you do engage and if you are 'in cahoots'!

I'm not sure why your solicitor is suggesting not to engage with the people who are trying to support you. The whole point of these people is to enable you and your daughter to be safe and to move on and rebuild your lives with support. You'll be at a disadvantage if you don't engage.

Queenie6655 · 04/11/2021 22:43

@Ilovepoppets

I'm not sure I will get a new solicitor in time as my next hearing is at the end of January 2022, I'm legally aided.. I think I need the courts permission to change solicitors. She keeps saying I will give the other side ammunition to claim parental alienation etc. I know she has to give me worse case scenario but it's honestly awful.

No sorry she is wrong

Follow the advice from professionals here

Some solicitors can get it wrong at times

You also need to stop contact for the time being

Please get more legal advice re this

Queenie6655 · 04/11/2021 22:45

@Ilovepoppets

Sounds like you have a better idea than she does

Awful

Are you pushing for prosecution also?
He threatened to kill you !!!

Original poster

Ilovepoppets · 04/11/2021 22:48

But if I stop contact with a court order in place it could potentially blow up in my face (quoted by my solicitor)
My solicitor has basically said she's not worried about the section 7 as all the professional recommendations will come together and they are all saying the same thing, however it's this interim period between now and our next hearing, if i don't abide by the order I could potentially ruin things for myself.. But I challenged her and said if I continue to take her against professional advice then I'm basically saying I'm ok with everything and believe we're safe.. When I don't. I know that the TAF will a good thing, my daughters Hv is really advocating for her.

OP posts:

HunkyPunk · 04/11/2021 22:55

Can you say to the professionals at the meeting that you haven’t stopped contact as advised by hvs, as the contact is court ordered, so you feel your hands are tied? Ask them if there’s any help they can give you to end contact. I don’t think you should worry. You and the other meeting attendees are on the same side.

Original poster

Ilovepoppets · 04/11/2021 22:59

I'm not worried about this meeting as I know it's to provide us with support, however my solicitor has basically now put the fear of God in me.. My ex has a terrifying barrister, she's literally a wild animal.. But then I keep thinking, men like that need someone like that, detracts from who they actually are.

OP posts:

Original poster

Ilovepoppets · 04/11/2021 23:26

Is there anything I can request from this meeting in terms of support?

OP posts:

zippityzip · 05/11/2021 06:56

The TAF has been arranged due to to worrying behaviour from your daughter following contact. Am I getting that right?

What exactly is she displaying for them to feel the need for a TAF? Because it sounds like you have a case to stop contact if they are flagging safeguarding concerns.

You need another solicitor ASAP. You're not in cahoots ffs. You're protecting your daughter. Do you still have social care working with you? The TAF is designed to holistically support you both and they are on your side.

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 05/11/2021 07:07

Your solicitor has told you that these meetings will go against you??
The more professionals who are worried about you and DD (and will put it in writing) the better.
However in the meantime your solicitor is right that you do need to keep sending her for contact. You cannot stop court ordered contact on the advice of a social worker or health visitor. If the risk has increased that much you should be going straight back to court to request to stop contact not stopping it yourself.
I think you just need to keep on until January. Gather as much evidence as you can. The TAF meeting is good. Find out who will be minuting it and make sure the minutes are sent to you and reflect the reasons for the meeting and the risk.

Original poster

Ilovepoppets · 05/11/2021 07:46

That's what i thought too.. My solicitor has really scared me. The health visitor said she will write directly to the judge with her concerns, will that count for anything?

OP posts:

NoSquirrels · 05/11/2021 07:51

It’s hard to tell if your solicitor is shit or if you’re overreacting to her informing you of worst-case scenarios.

I’d ask her to put in writing that she is advising you to keep taking your DD to contact against the advice of the other authorities.

I’d ask the people at the TAF meeting to note that your solicitor is directly contradicting their advice to stop contact.

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 05/11/2021 08:04

Your solicitor should be gathering statements as evidence.
The health visitor can direct her statement directly to the judge if she wishes.

SnowWhitesSM · 05/11/2021 08:05

If you have been discussed at MARAC 7x then you and your dd must be very high risk.

Engage with SS as much as they need you too. Don't not attend meetings. They also need to be the ones advising the court. I can see what your solicitor is saying about parental alienation (I'm 100% not saying you're doing this) so definitely don't break the court order.

I find it really worrying that CAFCAS have advised no contact and it's still gone ahead. I'd be worried about the judge. Gather as much evidence as you can. I'm sure it will all be OK. Our family courts really need to change their practice when it comes to abuse. We know DV from one parent to another causes emotional harm to children, it's awful and not in the best interest of the child.

Original poster

Ilovepoppets · 05/11/2021 08:11

Basically my solicitor is doing her job by advising worse case scenario, but i also think she truly doesn't believe to really advocate for me that it's been horrific domestic abuse and its on going, she said it doesn't matter how many Maracs there has been etc etc it's about proving that contact is emotionally harming DD as the court won't be interested in the domestic abuse perpetrated towards me, he has been proved to have abused our DD :( findings were made against him. Just feel anxious about it all.

OP posts:

NoSquirrels · 05/11/2021 08:38

it's about proving that contact is emotionally harming DD

This meeting is surely a great step in that direction, then.

keep going.

Flip

1 2