Team around the family meeting.. What can I expect?

[Ilovepoppets]

Hi. I'm due to have a team around the family meeting in a few weeks with my daughters nursery, health visitor, children's services and the police..
I believe it was initiated as a result of an anonymous referral that was made that described my daughter and I as being at risk from her father. We fled domestic abuse and our daughter sees him fortnightly at a contact centre.. My daughters nursery have expressed strong views on her behaviour following contact and are worried about her long term.
What can I expect from this meeting? Similarly the health visitor has expressed concerns over my daughters emotional wellbeing as when asked about her father she cowered in the corner and said she was scared.
I informed my solicitor of this meeting and she's advised that it won't look favourable to get too many professionals involved as it can be viewed as me "manipulating agencies to get involved" I didn't even know a referral had been made till I received a call and the children's services have set up this TAF meeting.
What do you think will happen?

the court won't be interested in the domestic abuse perpetrated towards me

This isn't true - or it should not be true.

The courts will be interested in the violence towards you because that also affects your daughter irrespective of the actual abuse to her as well. I’d do as the agencies supporting you say; they are the experts here Your solicitor sounds as if they lack the knowledge to help you. Good luck

Well cafcass took it very seriously and said the court wouldn't put me in a position of unsafety to facilitate contact, but they did.

I had one about 12 years ago when my DS1 was very small. It had a different name but the same thing, I remember they changed the name. It was really helpful and such a great initiative to get everyone involved with the situation talking to each other in one room.

Shame your solicitor can't be involved really to hear it first hand! I think unfortunately they are correct that the DV towards you is seen somehow as a totally separate issue to any risk to DC. It's crazy because the family courts and social services have such a different outlook on it. Also surely it's completely obvious that DV is a risk for children/harms them but apparently not. There needs to be an overhaul of the family court system with proper education about abuse.

I suspect your solicitor may be thinking of the Court and may be right. We had 7 years in the Family Courts and their disregard of violence is horrific. It may be that to square the circle it is these professionals who need to contact the Court. Give them the problem. I was in your place and repeatedly instructed by the professionals to stop contact and by the Court to support it despite horrific adverse effects on my child. Good luck OP

My solicitor said it will all come together for the section 7 but it's this interim period that we need to be careful, what am I supposed to do if the agencies are engaging with me of their own accord?

What you need is recommendations in writing from these professionals. It's all very well them verbally telling you to stop contact, you don't know that they aren't going to throw you under the bus later denying that they ever said that, which might be where your solicitor is coming from. If you have it in writing - perhaps the minutes of the TAF meeting - where it states that all of these professionals state you must stop endangering your child by taking her to access - then surely that holds weight? If you are causing the harm - by taking her to contact against their recommendations - don't you run the risk of her being removed from you?

I would add, please do cooperate with this Team and hopefully they can help your child

I think getting it written in the minutes is a good idea.. My only issue when it comes to disclosure of information, my ex doesn't know where we are in the country, we relocated to a protected address.

Is there anything anyone can advise as to what I should be saying or asking for at this meeting, ultimately I just want DD to be safe, and don't feel she is at all.. I feel like i can't protect myself from him either.

@IntemperateSpirits

What you need is recommendations in writing from these professionals. It's all very well them verbally telling you to stop contact, you don't know that they aren't going to throw you under the bus later denying that they ever said that, which might be where your solicitor is coming from. If you have it in writing - perhaps the minutes of the TAF meeting - where it states that all of these professionals state you must stop endangering your child by taking her to access - then surely that holds weight? If you are causing the harm - by taking her to contact against their recommendations - don't you run the risk of her being removed from you?

Not at all They do not have the right or the jurisdiction to tell her to stop contact. How could she have her child removed by the court for following a court order? Think about it.

OP make sure you are not asking (even unintentionally) for HV and SW to recommend to the court for no contact. It needs to come from them and not you in any meeting minutes.

Of course, I have never asked them to tell me to stop contact, I've kept on going, we're just in a very upsetting and potentially dangerous situation. I honestly don't know if I'll be able to hide where I live forever from him.

I didnt say that you did OP.

Have you got a safety plan? Has your dd got a safety plan? Is your house fitted with alarms, is your address flagged by the police for quick response? What measures have ss put in place to protect you and dd. I'm not sure why you can't keep your address hidden? Surely SS have made that a priority in keeping you and dd safe?

Yes all of this. Children's services say repeatedly that I'm the safeguard and there is no role for them etc etc, there is going to be a social worker at this TAF meeting however.

@Ilovepoppets

Yes all of this. Children's services say repeatedly that I'm the safeguard and there is no role for them etc etc, there is going to be a social worker at this TAF meeting however.

The reason there is no role for them is that there is a court order in place and you have separated. They cannot overrule a court order and any assessment they do would be a waste of time unless requested by the court. They do not need to intervene as you have already taken protective action.

I have taken protective action from fleeing and putting my daughter first, but we're not safe. I've repeatedly told them that.

@Ilovepoppets

Is there anything anyone can advise as to what I should be saying or asking for at this meeting, ultimately I just want DD to be safe, and don't feel she is at all.. I feel like i can't protect myself from him either.

Can you approach from a position of 'My hands are tied due to the court order which will be reviewed in 8 weeks. In the meantime I am just as concerned about dd and recognise the harm being caused to her, and would like your advice on how best I can mitigate the impact that contact has.'

Some sort of therapy for her just after contact for example?

@Ilovepoppets

I have taken protective action from fleeing and putting my daughter first, but we're not safe. I've repeatedly told them that.

But there is nothing further they can do. Social services don't have special powers to stop abusive men. Everything is already in place to safeguard you both. You just need to present the evidence to court and hope for the right outcome.

I have tried to seek therapy for her but was told because she's having contact it's not appropriate as she will not be able to deal with the root cause of the trauma etc.
I'm very careful not to project my anxieties onto her as she's been through so much, but it worries me, it really does, I'm not actively making these referrals myself, I attended an appointment with a Nurse a few weeks back, and when asked about my history (I've had two terminations in the past as I couldn't continue with the pregnancies in an abusive relationship) i told them everything, she was so horrified she immediately made a referral to Children's Services without even telling me, she said she was going to refer to my HV, but she also made a referral to the local authority. I am really unsure what to do.

Can anyone else share any experience of TAF meetings?

Hi there I chose this one to respond to as I am in Genuine need of advice, from a schools point of view.

Long story short relationship ended due to DV, a non harassment order has recently ended my child is struggling at school with Autism and a TAF meeting has been arranged. I am expected to sit with my ex at this. They have previously stated these meetings won't be held separate regardless of my situation. Is this correct?

You should start a new thread rather than post on a 2 years old one of someone else's. My professional view however is that if you've had a non molestation order in place they should really offer you separate meetings. Have they said why they won't?

Sorry I'm new here and not sure how it all works..I'll bear that in mind.

They said they just don't offer them separately.