To 3rd baby or not to 3rd baby?

[user1485115111]

I am going round in circles, any outside opinions would be appreciated. We have 2DC and around now would make sense to TTC for a 3rd.

If we stick with 2, we definitely have more time for each child, more spare money and fit the normal 2 adults and 2 kids when we go anywhere. I could potentially be career oriented earlier (once the youngest is at school). However I’m worried deep down I want a 3rd and will always regret it.

If we have a 3rd we have enough money, big enough house, will need to get a new car. I feel like I would definitely feel done and complete. However I have awful pregnancies and non e sleeping children so the idea of never doing pregnancy and the first year sounds good.

There’s something about giving away all the baby stuff that makes me sad, is that normal even if your done? I know I definitely don’t want more than 3 (and the idea of twins freaks me out). Parents of 2 or 3 kids any opinions?

We had an accidental 3rd dc, and she’s the best thing that ever happened She’s definitely completed our family.
When I found out I was pregnant the 3rd time, I was horrified at the idea. I couldn’t see how I’d possibly cope with 3, couldn’t see how I could split myself 3 ways etc, but she just slotted into the family perfectly.
And I know it’s anecdotal, but she’s been the easiest, most chilled baby/toddler compared to my other 2 DCs!!

The world is on fire and we don’t need more than 2 children per family. Then again, I’ve only been able to have 1 so I suppose we could balance each other out!

@piglet81 I know, I feel selfish having more than 2. I will take your offer on balancing out if we do go for it 😂🤣

@SlamLikeAGuitar it’s so scary isn’t it. Much easier decision to have 1 then 2. Three children seem scary I guess only time will tell if head or heart wins in this battle

We have 2 and it's a juggling act for giving them both enough time, taking them to activities etc. Will be worse when dc2 starts school when 2 sets of home work to get through.

I think if you need to ask thdn its a no. Or at least defer the decision.

I was in almost the same situation but we had a big enough car but not a big enough house. We decided against a third and I was pretty devastated. A year later I had got used to the idea and was actually quite glad as it would have complicated things, and I was jist getting my life back. My second was very clinging and my mental health hadn't been great. 6 months later I was pregnant. I was the worst pregnancy I've had so far. I was so ill and had no option of cutting back hours or going off sick because I'm self employed. She's here now and she really has completed our family. I just love her so much and so glad she's here. We were still in a house that's too small but hopefully that will change soon.

And now, if we had a big enough house, I would love another 🤣 couldn't put my body through that again though.

I thought about a 3rd but DH was against it and I'm glad now. The further I get from the baby days the more I'm able to reclaim me and look forward to much better finances, much more freedom as a family. I think if I'd had 3 I would be completely tapped and would always feel I wasn't parenting in the way I wanted and would have to compromise what we can offer the existing 2. Also increasingly glad I don't have to go through the whole TTC, miscarriage worry, stillbirth worry, birth damage, body damage, etc etc etc.

If I'd accidentally conceived I would have had it and we'd have coped, but it's absolutely possible to be glad you stuck at the smaller number.

I wanted three but thought two was more sensible.

However, my second one was twins so that decision was made for me!

It's much harder than just two. It's not just one harder, it's exponential if you think of how many different relationships there are within your family.

However the joy and love is exponential too, and there's always an atmosphere wherever we go.

It's tipping into 'big family'; noisy and hectic and full of activity and love. I love it.

But Christ knows I relish my down time too!

We ummed and ahhed but ended up having the third and it was the best decision we ever made. Worrying about having to get a bigger car in the context of creating my beautiful daughter seems ridiculous now I think about it.

Yes life is easier with two, the world is kind of set up that way, but I wasn't really done at two and knew I would regret it. I've got two none sleepers and my third pregnancy was the most difficult, but I wouldn't change it. DH would have another to be honest, but I'm done and I'm 41 now so the shop is closed!

We had our afterthought when the other two were 6 and 8. She has been a complete joy. She had 3 Mums, as the older ones got stuck in very merrily with her care when she was a baby. Best thing we ever did.

We always said we wanted three but while I was pregnant with my second we started thinking we would be fine with two. We just wanted our DD to have a sibling. When my Ds was about six months i started thinking that I would like to try for the third. My husband wasn't convinced at first but then we decided when Ds was a year that we would try for a third. We gave ourselves six months to try and said that if it was meant to happen then it would if not we have two amazing children. I just knew that I would always regret not trying. In the end I found out I was pregnant three months into ttc, never thought it would happen so soon. I'm now 32 weeks and we are so happy but this one is definitely our last!

We already had the large family car (DH bought it when our first was on the way, mainly because he loved the size of the boot) so that was never a worry. Although it did take me three hours to figure out how to get three car seats across the back.

@stalkersaga

I thought about a 3rd but DH was against it and I'm glad now. The further I get from the baby days the more I'm able to reclaim me and look forward to much better finances, much more freedom as a family. I think if I'd had 3 I would be completely tapped and would always feel I wasn't parenting in the way I wanted and would have to compromise what we can offer the existing 2. Also increasingly glad I don't have to go through the whole TTC, miscarriage worry, stillbirth worry, birth damage, body damage, etc etc etc.

If I'd accidentally conceived I would have had it and we'd have coped, but it's absolutely possible to be glad you stuck at the smaller number.

All this is very valid too. The third pregnancy has done for my body in a way that the other two didn't (and she was the smallest baby!), money is tight and I constantly feel overstretched as a parent. I wouldn't change it but the negatives certainly do exist.

Ours are close in age really 2, 4 and 6, I wouldn't have gone back to the baby days again after a large gap - I just couldn't do it.

We have three and it is amazing! Also three bad sleepers as babies/toddlers but I wouldn’t change a thing.
This is not a decision you can make on practicalities, either you want a third or you don’t.
We wanted three and it’s a joy

Following. I've got two children and expected to feel finished after my second baby was born. She's 7 months old. We waited 4 years to try for another as I found first time motherhood very challenging and had no desire for any more children for a long time, and I find it extremely odd that I'm contemplating one more already. The sensible decision would be to stop at two and we may well come down on that side of the fence. I keep reading about people feeling done and I haven't really got that yet, although my baby is still very young and perhaps it'll come soon, so I'm interested to read replies from people who felt the same and made perhaps a more "rational" decision to stop.

Just to say my 3rd turned out to be twins. Having four is a challenge!

@womaninatightspot nooo I think I would rather stick at 2 than have 4. Not sure how you cope with twins….you must be super mum!

My 3rd is 6 months old, she's a joy and definitely has completed your family perfectly

Three littlies might be OK. Three teenagers is a whole other ballgame. Can I suggest that you read a few teenager/secondary education/higher education threads before you go ahead.

Basically the mental load and expense of teenagers cannot be underestimated.

@winteranimal

Following. I've got two children and expected to feel finished after my second baby was born. She's 7 months old. We waited 4 years to try for another as I found first time motherhood very challenging and had no desire for any more children for a long time, and I find it extremely odd that I'm contemplating one more already. The sensible decision would be to stop at two and we may well come down on that side of the fence. I keep reading about people feeling done and I haven't really got that yet, although my baby is still very young and perhaps it'll come soon, so I'm interested to read replies from people who felt the same and made perhaps a more "rational" decision to stop.

I do think that our bodies/hormones do something, once we are recovered from the immediate birth, to make us have some sort of biological impulse to have another baby. I had that at 6 ish months every time so made myself wait until a year to see if it would pass!

[quote user1485115111]@womaninatightspot nooo I think I would rather stick at 2 than have 4. Not sure how you cope with twins….you must be super mum![/quote]
Much easier now they are all primary school age. The first few years were brutal though I was so tired.

I'm in the exactly same predicament as you. I would like a third as I'm one of three and we are all so close (like a team). Although I definitely struggled with 2 young children at first so wanted the third to have a bigger age gap. Barely 2 years between my two. My youngest is 2 1/2 now so if we had another he'd be 3. I'm more tempted to leave the third until my youngest is at school but I'm starting to get broody for another now. My head is scrambled with it really. I'm sure what will be will be in the end though 😂.

I'm usually a for more vote. We are a large family though and I love pregnancy and the baby stage, the back chat stage not so much lol.

Only you can decide if it is right for you as a family. You can figure out all the details and make it work if you want to.