To 3rd baby or not to 3rd baby?

[user1485115111]

I am going round in circles, any outside opinions would be appreciated. We have 2DC and around now would make sense to TTC for a 3rd.

If we stick with 2, we definitely have more time for each child, more spare money and fit the normal 2 adults and 2 kids when we go anywhere. I could potentially be career oriented earlier (once the youngest is at school). However I’m worried deep down I want a 3rd and will always regret it.

If we have a 3rd we have enough money, big enough house, will need to get a new car. I feel like I would definitely feel done and complete. However I have awful pregnancies and non e sleeping children so the idea of never doing pregnancy and the first year sounds good.

There’s something about giving away all the baby stuff that makes me sad, is that normal even if your done? I know I definitely don’t want more than 3 (and the idea of twins freaks me out). Parents of 2 or 3 kids any opinions?

We have a set of twins too, they are awesome! Not this crazy hard work like some will have you think.

We have three. Took us ages to decide but the idea never stopped lurking around, so in the end we figured that was telling us something and we went for it. It’s exhausting, I can see so many ways in which life would be easier without him. But from the minute he arrived our family felt complete and I had the absolute feeling of being done that was missing before. When dealing with the hard bits we love knowing we’ll never have to do it again but we revel in all the awesome bits. And his siblings adore him, so that makes it all feel worth it. I am not a fan of pregnancy or the baby stage but it felt worth doing one last time and it goes a lot faster.

@Rugsofhonour isn’t there other calculators that also suggest the birth rate is declining in the western society and we are going to be screwed from an economic POV with an aging population and people living longer?

Yes theres a CO2 POV but I don’t think it’s the whole story. Not a brag but if my husbands and I IQ is above average if people below average have more than 2 children isn’t that diluting and lowering the IQ of the population over time?

Just some different views I had read around having more than 2.

Defo sticking at 2- 3 is a whole Change of lifestyle- 2 kids so much easier, logistics easier, same car, same holidays pretty much as having 1 child - can divide and concur at weekends, my husband can look after two if I want to go out and vice versa. And yes I am sad throwing out the baby clothes as my youngest turns 1- I’ll miss a newborn but I don’t want more children

Note: Children only get more demanding and expensive the older they get. Stick with 2.

In an ideal world I'd have had 3 but there is a ten year gap between DC and it didn't feel fair on my eldest. I also didn't want to spend even more years of my adult life child rearing. As youngest DC gets older, I do get a pang but try to make myself feel content with two. Hole old are your DC?

Ahh I think it’s crazy when people actively try to have 3! 3 pregnancies, 3 baby stages, 3 terrible twos.

We had twins the second time (you could have twins too don’t forget!)

However, 3 is our number and I wouldn’t have it any other way. I can’t wait for the chaos and big Christmases. I adore them each individually. My twins are babies but they are all so different and whilst I was initially terrified about having enough time for everyone- I know I will but it will also take a lot more effort to make sure they get the attention they deserve.

I do sometimes feel a tiny bit jealous about how easy everyone else has it with two, but I know I am the lucky one!

We have 3 and it feels complete to me. She's made our little family and I'm happily getting rid of the baby stuff now, whereas after 2 that would have felt like a sad thing. I feel done. I'm one of 3 and so is my partner so it feels very much like the "family unit" we know. It is chaotic, some days I feel like I am not giving them individually enough but they do get a lot from each other too. There are some situations where it's slightly annoying, for example, a theme park where baby couldn't go on ride so we had to queue twice to take turns with the older children.

We did consider sticking at 2, and it would have made more financial and practical sense, we had to get a bigger house and a new car . Also, my partner had an accident when DC2 was a baby which he was very lucky not to be left with permanent disability. If he hadn't have been so lucky, it would have been different story obviously.

Those upset at the idea of 3 , do also consider that fertility rates are the lowest they’ve been since 1938 and enough young are needed to work and contribute to the elderly etc, so there’s an element of balance needed I suspect. I strongly agree with considering ones family’s environmental impact which is valid whatever the size and harder no doubt with a bigger family .

I've got 3 and she has completed our family, she's an absolute menace but is the apple of everyone's eye and yes it's hectic, yes we are permanently tired, skint and will probs never go abroad on holiday but I would never regret having her at all. She's 2.5years now and it's been the best time

The 3rd did ruin my body though don't think it will ever be the same again !

@Rugsofhonour hahahaha never said people with a low IQ couldn’t have children. Just said it was an interesting view point.

Reading this thread, I am struck by 2 things:

1. People are happy with whatever they decided;
2. If you have a third, it's almost certainly a girl! Ultimately only you can decide. Money, house, car, blah, blah, blah - if it's what you want, it'll work itself out. If you wanted money and riches you wouldn't ever have had kids lol.

@TataMamma 💯 spot on! No one regrets family. Whether that be 1, 2, or 3.

I only wanted 2 and stuck with that. Best thing I ever did as now able to concentrate on my career and feel more fulfilled as a person because of it.

I have a 5 year old dd, 4 year old ds and an 8 week old dd2. I was happy enough with dd1, then had a surprise with ds. The second pregnancy went well apart from the last trimester where everything went downhill. I had lots of post partum complications and declared myself done. It took dh 4 years to convince me to try again. He made it clear from the outset that he wanted 3 and then mentioned it a few times over the years but ultimately said he would respect my choice. His cousin had a baby girl and when I held her and saw dd1 with her I knew something was missing.

We have a 4 bed home, we do need a bigger car but can manage for now and finances are fine. Dd2 wears her sister's and brother's clothes and has been gifted lots. We had all the big purchases already and finances are such that I can indulge spending on her when I want to. We lead a simple life though, no holidays abroad since our eldest was born instead trips in the UK. Our kids are still young and apart from swimming and football don't do any other clubs, I don't have the time to ferry them both to different places nor do I want to.

Even with the baby I can still do homework with dd1 and play with her and ds. I do have a dh that is an equal parent and partner though which makes life easier. I enjoy them all. I have no intention of paying for anyone's uni fees should they hopefully go (free where we live but that might well change). Nor do I intend to provide them all with deposits. Dh and I hope to raise them all well, to give them the tools to make their own way in life and succeed on their own merit. So these things didn't put me off. I also wouldn't sweat them sharing rooms should they want to.

My elder two were bad sleepers and didn't sleep through till the age of 2. This time around I have low expectations and will keep them that way. At the moment she sleeps really well but I know not to count my eggs before they hatch. I'm much more chilled as a parent now and she is a happy baby who apart from reflux is getting on well. The only negative was more to do with myself, once again I had a tricky last trimester, I ended up with pgp, needed an iron transfusion and had liver issues at the end. The birth was my 3rd section and the recovery has been tougher.

*cont my chickens even!

I was discussing this today with a friend. I think if me and DH had started our family a few years earlier we'd definitely have had 3.

But now that they're older (12 and 10) I am so bloody glad we only have 2. We're pretty knackered, pretty skint, and there are only so many activities you can fit in each week. And I have the end of primary school in sight which feels like a huge milestone.

Just to say: that feeling of being 'done' or 'complete' also comes when you decide to stop having babies IME. It's not exclusive to those who go on to have the third child.

No 3rd for me. I am happy with two and want to give them everything I have.
I think they deserve the extra curricular activities, nice holidays, a bedroom each, 1:1 time with parents, university fees, first home deposit.... all of these would be a financial strain with another and i'd be run ragged.
I'm also looking forward to no longer doing the school run, having time for a social life, taking care of myself, enjoying arts & culture again, studying, working on my career and working on the house.

Babies are amazing but it's not all fun. There are other things that are enjoyable and fulfilling.

@Rugsofhonour

Also nope, never said people with lower IQ couldn’t have kids, you assumed that which I’m guessing is triggered from a previous experience?. Maybe reread my comment around other studies and view points (yes I know it’s different to yours so this might be difficult for you) I still think it’s an interesting view point. I wonder if they will ever do any scientific studies. I would be interested to know the results. Again not saying I agree, just a different opinion which has been stated before.

On a personal note, are you ok? You sound a bit wound up?

Enjoyed reading this thread, I have 2, we have always only wanted 2 but then the strangest thing happened, literally the day dc2 was born, I got the strongest feeling this couldn't be my last and I knew I wanted another.

I thought the feeling would maybe fade over time and after stopping feeding etc but it hasn't, it has just got stronger. I know to stick at 2 makes so much more sense for many of the reasons talked about in this post but the heart feeling I personally have is unfortunaley stronger than my sensible head, so I would like a third, and I think I would feel alot of regret in years to come if we didn't.

I am being a bit sensible however, I think ...as holding off for as long as we can to have a bigger gap hoping this makes things easier... and now were onto the best age gap between 2 and 3 and a whole other thread. Lol.
Sorry I haven't been much help but you aren't alone, I think alot of people are in the same boat, all the best in whatever you decide OP x