'easy baby' Vs 'difficult baby'

[HalloHello]

In the midst of newborn bubble at the moment and am pondering what makes a baby 'easy' or not?

My 9 week old is pretty chill until I am out of his sight then he gets upset, he likes to be walked around the house, and only naps on us or in the sling, he sleeps 2.5-4 hour stretches overnight and settles well after breast feeding. He is pretty portable and just comes along with me in the sling or buggy as I get in with my life and looking after my older child. He doesn't cry that often and can be calmed with a dummy, cuddles or just change of scenery. I would say he's 'easy' but I'm just interested in what others think/what are your babies like?

I had an easy baby until 10 months in. Then he went all guns blazing into a development leap...leading to approximately 4 months of hell. I've found that there's no such thing as an easy or difficult baby - it comes and goes in waves at different times for each tiny human

It’s all about sleep. Easy is a child that sleeps for a decent stretch and happily lets you put them down drowsy but awake. Difficult is a child that doesn’t sleep and wants to be glued to you.

My DS wasn’t ‘easy’. He never napped longer than 15 minutes, and to get him to sleep at all took lots of effort. He woke every 45 mins at night for breastfeeds. He was awake for the day at 5am or earlier. He hated his sling, pushchair AND cot, and would shriek a lot in shops etc.

Thankfully he’s now a very happy, chilled and secure 7 year old but honestly I didn’t enjoy every second of his babyhood! His little sister came along when he was 2, and she was much easier as a baby - I remember her snoozing while I shopped, and feeling almost ecstatic because I’d never experienced that before

Don’t have my own but my DN was the easiest baby ever! She was in a routine from day one; naps in pram/Moses basket/cot when older. Bed at same time every night. Up, changed, fed, winded, nap. Repeat. Sat in bouncer/high chair while my SIL did chores when on mat leave. I used to walk her daily and it was feed, change, walk and nap. Home, feed, change nap etc.

My SIL was very, very organised and strict with the routine. She toilet trained her at 18 months as she said she “wasn’t going to be one of those mums carrying a potty everywhere”. DN has always loved sleep and never did the awake every hour thing. She is now a very well-behaved, delightful 10yo.

DD was very easy. Slept loads, slept well overnight, rarely cried, I could take her anywhere: out to cafes, the cinema, library, etc and she would be perfectly content to snooze in her pram. Gained weight well, took to weaning easily, very adaptable and good-tempered, happy to go to others although had the usual clingy phases all babies have. Never ill, never had signs of teething, teeth just randomly appeared and she was her usual jolly self.

She's still an easy toddler, although obviously has her moments! I think it's just temperament - she's very like her dad. He's very laid back and doesn't get annoyed or irritated and just enjoys being alive. I am much more highly strung!

Expecting DC2 and can't imagine we will be as lucky again so preparing for the worst!

I think it’s a mixture of your own expectations/circumstances and more objective factors.

I thought my newborn was easy because he didn’t cry much… but I very rarely put him down and when I did he screamed (through the day at least).

If I hadn’t been able to hold him for most of the day, I probably wouldn’t have thought he was quite so easy.

Then you have things like colic that make a difference regardless.

Sounds like you are both doing great currently. Long may it last.

I had a velcro baby. He screamed if not held. He fed every 90 mins day and night. At 5 months when he became mobile, he cheered up a lot. At 11 months, when he started sleeping for a 4 hr stretch most nights, I cheered up quite a lot! About 2.5yrs, when he started talking in sentances, he became a delight (except for potty training and sleep). I'm waiting for the teenage difficult phase to start, but he's been pretty good so far after a rocky start.

DC1 was easy. Could go a week + without hearing him cry because he was just so happy.

DC2 was a difficult baby. Cried Screamed 24/7. I had alopecia from stress/sleep deprivation. Everything that usually settles babies (car ride/pushchair/trolly/music/rocking etc) just made her scream. I actually don't know how I made it through.

I think it is all down to parental expectations/tolerance for lack of sleep.

I would say DS was a dream. He was cheerful, smiley, slept loads. However he only slept on me, and was only cheerful and smiley in the sling/in my arms/lying in my lap. That was fine with me - he was a rainbow baby and I was pretty glued to him as well for the first six months. But if he’d been a second child, or if I had wanted to be a more hands-off parent, I’d probably have found him pretty hard work.

took to weaning easily

This has just sent a bad memory crashing back - starting solids was a nightmare for both of mine. They just were not interested until well after 1. I remember I got chatting to another mum in a cafe and both our babies were exactly 9 months old - mine screamed and struggled in the high chair and didn’t even try anything, while hers happily accepted spoonfuls of food, had a little pouch, working that sippy cup like a pro

It was all about sleep at night for me. I had one dho didn't sleep for more than a (rare) two hour stretch until he was nearly 3.

However all mine were happy as long as they were in my arms or breastfeeding - a baby who couldn't be settled despite a parent being happy to hold them would be a difficult baby. I looked after a baby as a childminder who didn't like being held at all, and that makes it very hard indeed to comfort an under one year old!

It's in the nature of most infants to want to be in physical contact with their mother/ parents during the first three months especially, so not being able to put a very new baby down just makes them an ordinary newborn IMO.

I ponder this in relation to my DD sometimes. In many ways she was 'easy' - no colic or reflux really, didn't object to the car or the pram. BUT would not sleep unless it was on one of us (at some point that switched to me specifically) or in moving car/pram. Still only contact naps (if at all) at 15 months. Coslept as it was the only way in the end. Hated being put down ever until well beyond the 12 week mark, the day we were able to sit her in a bouncy chair long enough to eat dinner at the same time rather than having to take it in turns was truly wonderful. I didn't think too much of it, just assumed all babies were like that, but spending some time with relatives with a newborn a few months ago I was absolutely open mouthed with amazement watching them put the baby down in the moses basket awake and shed lie there happily, maybe even drift off to sleep. Just wasnt possible with ours. And the clinginess/ separation anxiety has always been off the charts, I do find it quite draining still.

DC1 was difficult: peaceful, happy to chill, fed well, didn’t sleep.
DC2 was easy: colicky, reflux, easily bored, slept great.

DD was a bloody hard baby. Screamed in the buggy. Screamed in the car seat. Wouldn't sleep for more than a couple of hours at night. Took ages to get to sleep. Refused naps in the day, only ever napped on me. Refused a bottle, refused a dummy, refused to be apart from me for any time at all. I was on my knees with exhaustion. It got incrementally easier with every developmental stage, and (oddly) easier still when she dropped her nap and we only had to get her to sleep once a day. She still loathes sleeping at 7.

DC2 fed, burped, smiled, had a nappy change then dozed off sucking a dummy wherever you lay him down - literally anywhere, I lay him on a towel on the bathroom floor once for a minute when I was toilet training DD and looked down to see him fast asleep. Couldn't believe my eyes.

I don't believe for one second its down to the parents. Babies are born with their own personalities. DD was desperate to not be a baby and DS was perfectly content to have everything done for him, right from day one. They haven't changed much!

Very interesting to see the difference for each person. Sleep is definitely key isn't it? My eldest is now 3.5 but as a baby wasnt great at sleeping, would only feed to sleep until she was 16 months but I had no other chidlren, took a year mat leave then quit my job to become a SAHM. I had all the time in the world to cuddle her and feed her to sleep and sit on the sofa while she napped, and get up 10 times a night with her then we both slept until 11am. Never made a morning baby group but k was so so happy and in my absolute element. This time I don't have the same time because my daughter needs me so my poor boy goes in the sling and we get on and are so busy. It's so different.

My boy is so good though, can't complain really once you read others stories and I can cope with relatively distrjbed sleep as long as I am getting 6 hours at least and a big coffee in bed before my daughter gets up haha

@AliasGrape

I ponder this in relation to my DD sometimes. In many ways she was 'easy' - no colic or reflux really, didn't object to the car or the pram. BUT would not sleep unless it was on one of us (at some point that switched to me specifically) or in moving car/pram. Still only contact naps (if at all) at 15 months. Coslept as it was the only way in the end. Hated being put down ever until well beyond the 12 week mark, the day we were able to sit her in a bouncy chair long enough to eat dinner at the same time rather than having to take it in turns was truly wonderful. I didn't think too much of it, just assumed all babies were like that, but spending some time with relatives with a newborn a few months ago I was absolutely open mouthed with amazement watching them put the baby down in the moses basket awake and shed lie there happily, maybe even drift off to sleep. Just wasnt possible with ours. And the clinginess/ separation anxiety has always been off the charts, I do find it quite draining still.

I've had people comment on the fact we had to eat separately or in bed beside the baby before, thinking we were absolutely mad when actually it was just what we had to do because that's the only way we'd eat. Your little one sounds just like mine used to be and honestly I thought I was being a massive PFB mum with it all but it's so nice (not nice but you know!) to know other people have been in the same situation and I wasn't being a drama queen as one "friend" put it

DD would get up 10 times in a night then start her day at 7am. I looked like absolute shit for the first few years of her life!

@TeddyBeans

I had an easy baby until 10 months in. Then he went all guns blazing into a development leap...leading to approximately 4 months of hell. I've found that there's no such thing as an easy or difficult baby - it comes and goes in waves at different times for each tiny human

I disagree. There is such a thing as a difficult baby. My second was inconsolable from birth. Screamed day and night it did not matter who was holding him. I remember someone saying that once and I'll never forget it 'he cries all the time and it doesn't even make any difference if his mummy holds him, he still cries'. I can't look at photos of him as a baby still as it brings back such sad memories. I thought of hurting myself just to get to hospital so I'd have a break from it. He slept for about 3 broken hours a night until he was 1. He still doesn't sleep much better, 4 years old now. It has fundamentally changed me as a person. I can't do the same job, I have no confidence and I am sad about the damage its done to mine and my DP's relationship.

@ChrissyPlummer

Don’t have my own but my DN was the easiest baby ever! She was in a routine from day one; naps in pram/Moses basket/cot when older. Bed at same time every night. Up, changed, fed, winded, nap. Repeat. Sat in bouncer/high chair while my SIL did chores when on mat leave. I used to walk her daily and it was feed, change, walk and nap. Home, feed, change nap etc.

My SIL was very, very organised and strict with the routine. She toilet trained her at 18 months as she said she “wasn’t going to be one of those mums carrying a potty everywhere”. DN has always loved sleep and never did the awake every hour thing. She is now a very well-behaved, delightful 10yo.

No offence meant in the slightest but your sils routine had a miniscule role in how easy your dn was, her baby was happy with that routine and that was incredibly lucky! Im very jealous because only now at a year are we able to get ours to follow any routine (not through lack of trying 😭).

Our son had reflux, wouldn't sleep on his back, only on us or in the wrap, that included at night time, hated the pram and the carseat and would scream after a minute of being in either. He slept in 45 min cycles, day and night, and once awake took 45 minutes to settle again. Hes now 3 and while he is a wonderful child, he is very headstrong and has strong opinions on most things!

My friends baby slept through from 3 weeks old, fell asleep at the drop of a hat, was happy to be in the baby bouncer for hours on end while they had friends over to play board games.

Its 100% just lucky, having an easy child doesn't make you a good parent, it maybe makes you a lucky parent!

Or maybe having an easy baby gives you the ability to be a good parent, as I know I'm much more patient and fun with my son when I'm well rested, had food and am not thinking of all the housework thats badly overdue!

My baby is easy in a lot of ways. His personality is pure sunshine, he never ever whines or grizzles, he’s cheerful and easily entertained. He eats brilliantly and picks up new things very quickly.

In other ways he’s tricky! Terrible sleeper. Woke hourly until he was 9 months old, wouldn’t nap unless held until about the same age. Now 11 months old and still a pretty rubbish sleeper.

Overall I’d still say he’s easy because temperamentally he’s such an easygoing joy, but the sleep is a bit of a killer.

My easy baby turned into an absolute nightmare toddler, and my difficult baby was a dream, easy toddler

DD was challenging. She just never seemed happy… if she wasn’t asleep or in the pram she was screaming for the first 3 months. Very refluxy, it was hard bloody work.

Months 3 - 6 were tough, but not as tough as the first three.

She crawled at 6 months and things got LOTS easier, and walked at 10 months and suddenly became this sunny little girl!

She’s 16 months old now and starting to have temper tantrums but I’m actually finding it so much easier than most of my NCT pals! Their babies were objectively easier than mine but now they’re doing lots of screeching and they’re wondering where their cute babies have gone whereas I spent the first six months of DD’s life panicking that there was something really wrong, so I just find it vaguely amusing when she has a strop because I won’t let her lick the bin Honestly, I just think she hated being a baby!

Ha, x post with @ouchmyfeet!

Oh and for what it’s worth yes - I truly believe it’s the luck of the draw.