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Parenting

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Original poster

Am I being unreasonable?

31 replies

Fancyties · 29/10/2021 20:45

My OH kids (11 & 15 girl and boy) come round everyother weekend, they have their own rooms when here.

Usually my LO (8 months) sleeps in her room which is the girls room but she's a very light sleeper (no idea why when I used to hoover around her all the time when she was small, make loads of noise and chat away etc) so we're having to put my LO in our room in travel cot and we sleep downstairs. So can't share rooms when the 11 year old is here.

It's the first night the other kids are here in 6 weeks ( both had covid etc) we put her in her travel cot for sleep in our room, she slept 45 mins and has become upset. She's finally settled after 45 minutes of going in and out to settle her, but get occasional cry out.

Im pissed off, but I don't know if I am being unreasonable 😔 I think the girl should leave her room and stay in our room from 7pm ish. And my LO has her room to sleep in. My Oh thinks our 8 month old should adjust and be put in our room in travel cot.

I love all our kids. Our 8 month old is here permanently and lives with us and feels like right now she's second best to his other daughter.

Yes yes I know we should have thought about it before having a kid, but tbh the 15 year old had stopped coming round for a bit and the girl was going to have his room and if he wanted to stay he would have the sofa.

Please tell me it be OK and I'm being unreasonable to the 11 year old. Literally fighting back the tears as I feel our LO is going to suffer for this 😭😭😭😭

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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dementedpixie · 29/10/2021 20:51

Why are you sleeping downstairs?

Starcaller · 29/10/2021 20:51

What do you mean 'the girl should stay in our room from 7ish'? You mean the 11yo? What would she do in your room for two hours or however long she's up till bedtime? Or have I misunderstood? What's actually waking up your baby?

Just stick some white noise on and sleep in your own room?

MrsSkylerWhite · 29/10/2021 20:52

Your 8 month old does not feel she is second best. Don’t be daft.

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Pumpkinsondisplay · 29/10/2021 20:53

Older dd stays downstairs until baby is settled...
Please don't give up your room. You need your own private space too. Presumably older dd has own room at her dm's? Not unreasonable to expect her to share..

dementedpixie · 29/10/2021 20:59

I dont think the issue is that the dd doesn't want to share. OP is saying the baby is a light sleeper so may get disturbed by her. Maybe that's something the baby needs to get used to though

FATEdestiny · 29/10/2021 21:00

You are being unreasonable.

Get a second proper cot (IKEA cheapy or second hand if needed) and situate it perminanly in your room. Well, for the next two years or so.

It's absolutely fine (normal in fact) for babies and toddlers to spend the odd night in their parents room.

You do not need to be sleeping elsewhere for any of this. That's just needless dramatics. You and DH in your bed, baby in a cot in your room.

kitcat15 · 29/10/2021 21:02

@MrsSkylerWhite

Your 8 month old does not feel she is second best. Don’t be daft.

This

Original poster

Fancyties · 29/10/2021 21:05

We're sleeping downstairs as literally can't sleep in same room as our 8 month old she's that light sleeper. Before we moved her into her cot, she would wake when I moved in bed. I thought kids were meant to sleep like weights but she doesnt. Even if we're out and if she needs a nap I have to go somewhere quiet or she will not drop off.

She has pink noise, I have just gone in to get our pillows to go downstairs and she's already stirred cause she heard me.

I mean the 11 year old to go in our room to sleep. The 11 year old has a very strict routine at home, and were a little more flexible and let her stay up till 10 ish and she has a good lay in to compensate. May not be right but that's what works for us.

@mrsskylerwhite thank you. Just feel like I'm making her suffer as its not her cot 😔 doesn't have the room to move around like her cot. I feel so guilty right now.

Yeah she has her own room at her mums. 8 month old isn't sleeping through at the moment - normally she's good. But we hit a bump think it's regression a bit. And she stirs with slight noise.

OP posts:

Thesearmsofmine · 29/10/2021 21:07

Surely baby sleeps in your room on those nights and you sleep in there too. Why would you sleep downstairs? This is not the 11 year olds problem to sort.

dementedpixie · 29/10/2021 21:08

Could your dsd sleep downstairs?

MintJulia · 29/10/2021 21:08

Yabu. Your little one has no idea what room she is in, as long as you are close by.

Hopefully she'll sleep soundly soon, like most toddlers, and the girls can share a room comfortably. Don't worry, it'll sort itself out,

Theunamedcat · 29/10/2021 21:08

Pink noise? Is that like girly white noise?

AliceW89 · 29/10/2021 21:09

Why are you sleeping downstairs? Can’t you sleep in the same room as your 8 month old? DS was in and out of our room until he was 15 months despite 2 spare bedrooms. Her sleep is light and she wakes up easily because she’s an 8 month old, not because she’s been displaced from her room by her half sister. I really appreciate that a none sleeping baby is frustrating, but I think you should stop overthinking this as much really.

dementedpixie · 29/10/2021 21:09

Or go back to the plan of your dss sleeping downstairs and your dsd having his room

MrsSkylerWhite · 29/10/2021 21:10

@mrsskylerwhite thank you. Just feel like I'm making her suffer as its not her cot 😔 doesn't have the room to move around like her cot. I feel so guilty right now“

Honestly, 8 month old little ones really don’t have the capacity for such deep thought. Yes, she may be disturbed by other peoples noise but that’s really all it is, there’s no emotional damage being done 💐 no need for guilt, for/from anyone.

DuploSubmarine · 29/10/2021 21:16

Agree with others. I think you're overestimating your dd's capacity for deep thought! She doesn't feel second best. You have no reason to feel guilty. She is 8mo and she lives with you and her dad full time. Even if she was capable of feeling like second best, she would have no reason to

Do not ask your dsd to sit in another room for two hours doing...? You will look honestky a bit unhinged.

DuploSubmarine · 29/10/2021 21:17

Also agree that she may feel more reassured if you sleep in the same room as her. She is only 8mo. Loads of babies sleep with parents longer than this. Only if it works obviously.

00100001 · 29/10/2021 21:26

So, you want 11yo to sleep in your bedroom with you and her dad? Where is she actually sleeping? In your bed? In the floor? Pop up bed?

if she shares with you, it would mean her brother gets his own room? Her half sister (a baby) gets her own room, but the she has to share with Dad and Step Mum? How long do you envisage this lasting for, as she's due to hit puberty pretty damn soon if she hasn't already.

How often does the 15yo boy stay?

00100001 · 29/10/2021 21:28

Also, your baby may well go back to being a good sleeper, they go through little blips like this.

Let's assume she goes back to being settled. Was it that 11yo and baby were always going to share? I could imagine that being difficult in about 1-2 years time.

Duxiejhrhrvjz · 29/10/2021 21:32

I feel like everyone is being a bit harsh. My DS literally had to be in his own room at 4/5 months as he was waking from us turning over in bed. He slept through once we put him in his own room and never woke in the night again.
Have you tried putting baby to bed in the shared room, DSD stays downstairs with you guys until bedtime.
Presumably she wakes baby when she sneaks in? If not that would be the obvious answer.

CantBeAssed · 29/10/2021 21:38

Sounds like you are at your wits end with your lo sleep habits....I can sympathize..my Ds was a nightmare at 8months. I can understand it feels a bit like your lo is being "kicked" out of her room...you just want to get them in routine and settled in there surroundings and if spending a night in your room is disrupting what your trying to achieve it can be frustrating.
I am going against most of the pp's and would say your lo needs to remain in one room, babies do pick up on their surroundings and can sense if the surroundings aren't as familiar, especially if they have sleep problems. I would agree with the suggestion of DSS sleeping downstairs and dad sleeps in the room he currently takes.
Not an easy situation..hope you find a solution..

CantBeAssed · 29/10/2021 21:39

*dsd sleeps in room dss currently sleeps in

Plantsandwine · 29/10/2021 21:43

I would feel the exact same as you op. You want your baby to be in a routine, not going to a different room every time your step children visit.
I would get one of your step children to sleep downstairs.

SickAndTiredAgain · 29/10/2021 21:48

@Theunamedcat

Pink noise? Is that like girly white noise?

Pink noise is a different type of noise.

I think brown noise also exists.

MilkCereal · 29/10/2021 21:49

Both children het own rooms, you both deal with baby walking in your room until she gets use to it. Not the childrens fault and they shouldn't have to tiptoe around a baby, babys wake all the time and my dd has always been a light sleeper we just had to deal with it and so does she as shes older now- no one else had to change routines for her.

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