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Original poster

Ex husband and family dog - what would you do?

61 replies

courtrai · 26/10/2021 08:35

So exH and I split 3 years ago. We have 2 DC - 18 & 16. He is quite frankly a woeful father. Initial plan (suggested by ExH) was 50:50 split for kids and family dog who is 8y/o so was very much a family pet who we got mainly for my DS who had at the time been struggling and was subsequently picked up as dyslexic

18 y/o was kicked out of her dads house twice and has now chosen to be estranged from him for 20 months.

16 y/o was kicked out by him in September.

Both are now fully resident with me.

16 y/o is desperate to see the dog. We had her for a day a couple of weeks back - picked her up and dropped her back as arranged. But now exH is refusing to let us have her.

ExH's witch of a mother tells me it's because I've got the kids and the dog is all he has left. They fail to realise at 18 and 16 the kids are choosing this living arrangement after he kicked both of them out (he failed to tell her this part)

I cannot fathom why he'd want to cause further upset to his kids. I'm torn between just going and taking the dog which will hugely inflame already dreadful relationships or just letting it go which is breaking my 16 y/o's heart.

What would you do?

OP posts:
FictionalCharacter · 26/10/2021 15:54

What’s with all the pp saying she’d be stealing the dog? It’s legally OP’s dog!

I’d take the dog, sounds like it’s the best thing for DS and dog. The only worry would be the possibility of either exH or nasty exMIL doing something horrible in revenge. Hopefully the deterioration in the already bad relationships will blow over. Though is there any relationship left worth salvaging?

Original poster
courtrai · 26/10/2021 16:07

@FictionalCharacter

What’s with all the pp saying she’d be stealing the dog? It’s legally OP’s dog!

I’d take the dog, sounds like it’s the best thing for DS and dog. The only worry would be the possibility of either exH or nasty exMIL doing something horrible in revenge. Hopefully the deterioration in the already bad relationships will blow over. Though is there any relationship left worth salvaging?

I don't honestly think there's much more he can do - he doesn't provide support in any shape or form and to be frank if his parents disappeared in a puff of smoke I'd not give a shit! I think this is his last bit of control over the family hence his reluctance to budge on letting us take the dog for a walk. A bloody walk! It's not much to ask

I'd like for the kids to have a good relationship with their dad - it would be such a relief if I could trust him to not screw things up but I don't think he's able to do so

OP posts:
RandomMess · 26/10/2021 17:22

I'd take the dog and go to CMS and start claiming maintenance.

He's a nasty selfish man isn't he.

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FleasInMyKnees · 26/10/2021 17:28

Can the police offer any advice about taking your dog safely without the possibility of him kicking off or threatening to sue you.

RunningFromInsanity · 26/10/2021 17:37

So you want the dog but only after you’ve gone away because that’s when it’s convenient for you?

His reasons for doing it all wrong but it does sound like he is the better residence for the dog

As a PP said with the ages your sons are, they are not going to be living with you for that much longer and I bet the 16year old won’t be taking the dog with him.

I think you would be taking the dog to prove a point and not actually for the dogs best interest.

DebbieHarrysCheekbones · 26/10/2021 17:38

@Chelyanne

A dog may legally be a possession but any good dog owner will not see them as one. My point is you all need to factor in the dogs needs as well as your own here.
That’s a bit silly because if you own a dog you legally are absolutely responsible for them and on your own private property now too.

My dog is part of my family
She ultimately does belong to me however since I paid for her and pay for her upkeep, insurance, vets bills, regular treatments, grooming, etc. She is registered and chipped to me. Where I go she does. I can assure you I am a very good dog owner, she wants for nothing, is well cared for well exercised, seldom alone, well fed and totally loved. To say she is mine …l well I have earned that.

DebbieHarrysCheekbones · 26/10/2021 17:40

@RunningFromInsanity

So you want the dog but only after you’ve gone away because that’s when it’s convenient for you?

His reasons for doing it all wrong but it does sound like he is the better residence for the dog

As a PP said with the ages your sons are, they are not going to be living with you for that much longer and I bet the 16year old won’t be taking the dog with him.

I think you would be taking the dog to prove a point and not actually for the dogs best interest.

I did think it was a bit 🤨 to say that about after the holiday. You either want the dog back totally or you don’t
Original poster
courtrai · 26/10/2021 17:55

@RunningFromInsanity

So you want the dog but only after you’ve gone away because that’s when it’s convenient for you?

His reasons for doing it all wrong but it does sound like he is the better residence for the dog

As a PP said with the ages your sons are, they are not going to be living with you for that much longer and I bet the 16year old won’t be taking the dog with him.

I think you would be taking the dog to prove a point and not actually for the dogs best interest.

What I've said is that I'd like the kids to have access to see the dog. Without the unnecessary nastiness.

If he can't commit to giving his own kids access to their family pet then I would consider taking her. I booked a holiday before all of this kicked off so don't go flaming me for doing that thanks!

I've had to arrange for grandparents to cover childcare whilst away and I don't want them to have to deal with the idiot ex too

OP posts:
HeartsAndClubs · 26/10/2021 17:56

Reading your posts it sounds as if you don’t actually want the dog, you just don’t want your ex to have him.

So you want your children to have contact with the dog. You can’t have the dog back because you’re going on holiday, you think the ex should agree a contact schedule between the kids and the dog. And in fact you said upthread that the dog spent most of its time with your ex anyway, so while legally it might be your dog, emotionally it is his dog. He’s the one who feeds it, walks it, looks after it, takes it to work.

At the end of the day, your children’s relationship with their father has broken down. it needs to be him and them who fix it. The dog is irrelevant here. If the relationship with the kids hadn’t broken down and they weren’t there full-time now you wouldn’t be seeking to see the dog, so this just sounds like something to get back at your ex with.

Leave the dog with him.

HeartsAndClubs · 26/10/2021 17:57

I've had to arrange for grandparents to cover childcare whilst away and I don't want them to have to deal with the idiot ex too childcare? They’re 16 and 18. Why do they need childcare?

girlmom21 · 26/10/2021 18:36

@FleasInMyKnees

Can the police offer any advice about taking your dog safely without the possibility of him kicking off or threatening to sue you.
That'd be an incredible waste of police time considering he's cared for the dog for a prolonged period of time and the OP only wants to walk it occasionally
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