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Parenting

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'Play Date' Etiquette

37 replies

ChooseAnotherUsernameAgain · 22/10/2021 17:57

Apologies as I know the term ‘play date’ is cringey as hell, but I don’t know how else to phrase it!

I’ve loosely arranged (as in, nothing properly set in stone just yet!) for dc (4) to go to the park with a friend he’s recently made in reception during half term next week.

I’ve never done a play date before so I don’t know how to approach it. I don’t really know the other parent, we’ve said hello a couple of times, but bar us both having a brief conversation about how our DC’s would like to see each other outside of school and then exchanging numbers, that’s about it.

I’m not sure whether it’s the norm for both myself and the other parent to stay at the park while our DC’s play, given it's the first time for the both of us, or if that would be weird?

For what it’s worth, if my dc and their dc play well together, I’d have no issues with leaving my dc with this other parent a little further down the line, and of course, would happily return the favour.

But seeing as it’s the first time, would I come across as odd for staying?

Truthfully, I’d also quite like to become ‘friends’ with this parent as I don’t have any mum friends, but I’m unsure how to handle this!

OP posts:
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rosesandsalvia · 22/10/2021 17:59

I would read this as you both stay and chat whilst your children play

rainbowandglitter · 22/10/2021 18:02

You both stay unless one of you specifically says they'll take the other child.

Wagglerock · 22/10/2021 18:03

Yeah you stay, why would you think you'd leave your child in a park with a person you don't know?

Interested in this thread?

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TurnUpTurnip · 22/10/2021 18:05

You are both meant to stay Confused

PennyWus · 22/10/2021 18:05

Hi,
Check the weather forecast, then send a cheerful WhatsApp suggesting a few times to meet. I would definitely expect to stay for a park playdate.
I might say:

"Hi, looks sunny on Mon and Tues, we'd love to meet up with you at X park if you're free? Or you could come to my place and stay for a cuppa while the kids play?"

The only thing to try and understand is if there's another sibling they need to entertain... that can make things a bit more complicated ( easier at a park than at home).

KatieKoala · 22/10/2021 18:06

Park play dates with young dcs, I'd normally assume parents stay Smile

At each others houses maybe leave, but not necessarily.

ChooseAnotherUsernameAgain · 22/10/2021 18:06

@Wagglerock

Yeah you stay, why would you think you'd leave your child in a park with a person you don't know?
I browsed a few older threads on here that talk about how to handle play dates, and the vast majority skewed more towards it being ok to leave your child once they're at school age. I don't yet feel comfortable leaving my child alone, perhaps after a few more 'play dates' I will, but seeing as how most people seemed to think it was fine to drop off your kid then run some errands, I didn't want to come across as some odd, over protective parent for staying.
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Idontgiveagriffindamn · 22/10/2021 18:06

Both stay. If someone left me with their 4 year old in a park it would be the last play date I’d have with them Grin

Spudina · 22/10/2021 18:07

I try and find a bench in playground. Close enough so I can watch them but not hovering over them either.

ChooseAnotherUsernameAgain · 22/10/2021 18:08

@Idontgiveagriffindamn To be honest with you, I'm slightly worried about that happening to me! Grin
But I'm not sure how I can put 'hey, please don't leave your kid alone with me just yet?' in to a text that doesn't sound rude!

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NoSquirrels · 22/10/2021 18:08

I think you’d be massively odd NOT to stay.

This is what reception is for - making connections. Park, coffee & cake - text them to arrange and don’t overthink it.

RobinPenguins · 22/10/2021 18:10

I’d expect to stay. Sit and chat while your DC play and hopefully you will get on Smile

Idontgiveagriffindamn · 22/10/2021 18:10

[quote ChooseAnotherUsernameAgain]@Idontgiveagriffindamn To be honest with you, I'm slightly worried about that happening to me! Grin
But I'm not sure how I can put 'hey, please don't leave your kid alone with me just yet?' in to a text that doesn't sound rude! [/quote]
Just say at the start shall we grab a coffee and sit over there. It’s lovely to meet another mum from school.

NoSquirrels · 22/10/2021 18:11

I'm not sure how I can put 'hey, please don't leave your kid alone with me just yet?' in to a text that doesn't sound rude!

“What time’s good to meet up with you and X - DC is looking forward to seeing his friend and it’ll be nice to grab a coffee with you while they play.”

MajorCarolDanvers · 22/10/2021 18:13

At age 4 at least one of you must stay.

Choices are you both stay and chat or one of you offers to mind both children.

Take a flask if coffee with you would be my recommendation.

TheWayTheLightFalls · 22/10/2021 18:16

What everyone else said. Fwiw my DD has just started at school nursery at just 4 and (because she’s got new siblings at home) we’ve had offers from other parents to have her round to theirs/outings/playdates - which is very kind but I can’t comfortably wave my preschooler off with another (certainly absolutely lovely) parent who I’ve known three weeks. I’d be assuming you stay. Hopefully there’s coffee nearby.

ChooseAnotherUsernameAgain · 22/10/2021 18:16

@MajorCarolDanvers

At age 4 at least one of you must stay.

Choices are you both stay and chat or one of you offers to mind both children.

Take a flask if coffee with you would be my recommendation.

I'm aware that at least one of us must stay! I wasn't expecting the pair of us to dump our kids in the park and both toodle off and do our own thing! Grin

There are lots of benches at the local park, so I think I'll offer to grab us both a coffee when we first arrive, and hopefully have a nice chat while the DC's play.

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desperatelyseekingcaffeine · 22/10/2021 18:16

Playdate at a house is hit and miss whether to stay at that age, but probably stay for first time anyway. Playdates meeting at a mutual place then default is you both stay unless it's been made clear otherwise

ChooseAnotherUsernameAgain · 22/10/2021 18:20

Thank you so much for all of these replies!

I read so much online about how it's fine to leave your kids with other parents once your dc are school age, but it didn't seem right to me.

I also didn't want to come across as weird as I would genuinely like to make a mum friend. So fingers crossed it all goes well, and this will be the first of many!

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BrilliantBetty · 22/10/2021 18:25

I would think it was really weird if I arranged a park meet and the other parent just up and left.

Absolutely you both stay. It's chilly though, would a cafe with toys or a soft play be better. Or if park, is there a cafe you can get tea / coffee

Bryna · 22/10/2021 18:31

@ChooseAnotherUsernameAgain I still stay at my DS play dates and he's 7, nearly 8! He isn't confident with other adults and the mums I've met respect this and always invite us both, all children are different. So please don't feel weird for staying with your 4 year old!!!

ChooseAnotherUsernameAgain · 22/10/2021 18:32

@BrilliantBetty I toyed with the idea of suggesting soft play, but the closest one is in town and I don't drive! I'm also wary of soft play lasting a lot longer than a trip to the park, I don't want to seem like a planning this long day out with a parent I don't know, if you see what I mean!

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Bluskyenonstop · 22/10/2021 18:34

It would never in a millions years occurred to me to leave my 4 yr old child with someone I don’t really know and walk away.

TurnUpTurnip · 22/10/2021 18:35

No one is going to leave a 4 year old with someone they don’t really know at the park

pompomsgalore · 22/10/2021 18:37

At 4 I'd be staying especially if you want to be friends.