At Breaking Point With Breastfeeding :(

[MintGreenLife]

My DS is almost 15 weeks and I’m struggling so much with breastfeeding. We have two issues going on, and despite having his tongue tie snipped and support arranged by the HV, things haven’t improved at all and I’m finding it so hard.

One of the issues is how long he feeds for. He’s never faster than 40 mins, average is an hour, but he can feed for you to an hour and a calf at a time. I feel like all I’m doing is feeding him. Monday was particularly bad and I fed him for a total of 8.5 hours (am keeping a feeding diary to help me figure out what’s going on). Last night he fed from 12.45am, and after an hour spent just on one side I dared to try and unlatch him so I could get some sleep. He woke up right away and cried until I put him on the other side, and it was gone 2am by the time he had finished. I spend several hours in the night feeding snd it’s completely exhausting.

He also fusses while feeding quite often during the day. This started happening when he was 6 weeks old, and can happen anything from once to twice a day, or all day for every feed. He latches on and off every 10 seconds or so, sometimes crying in between, sometimes beating his fists into me and scratching at my chest. Some days it can be a battle just to get a decent feed into him. I can’t workout why this is happening, but sometimes rocking and feeding at the same time helps to get him back on track.

I desperately want to keep breastfeeding, but I don’t know how we can carry on like this. It’s really starting to take its toll now 😢 I do also feel like at what point does it actually become irresponsible to choose to exclusively breastfeed him when we’re both having such a bad time with it!

@Couldhavebeenme3 thanks so much for your kind words. Wow I didn’t realise they could have a reaction to so many foods in our diets! I will try the food dairy for sure. We tried infant Gaviscon and tried to give it to him in a number of ways, including syringing which he screamed throughout. I only used it about 5 times and didn’t think it was making any difference so stopped, but maybe if he starts having a bottle or two a day I could try it again then and see ☺️ X

@Luckytattie

Hi *@MintGreenLife* first of all you are doing soooo well to do feeds for so long etc it must be very draining.

I just wanted to say you don't need to sterilise bottles or pumps with Breastmilk.
Your breasts are not sterile and neither is your milk. I was sterilising stuff myself until my cousin pointed it out. NHS need to update the guidance but there's many articles online stating it's not required. Just got soapy water is sufficient.i would try even a bottle of BM or formula a day and see how that goes.

I was determined to BF bit tool ages to get established then had a bottle refuser so I was stuck
I actually hated BF but had to carry on until he was almost 2!
Now I'm 8 months pregnant I am almost certain I won't BF past the initial few weeks then move to expressing or formula. I was convinced BM was best but my son's had every cold under the sun so far!

There's a lot of misunderstanding around sterilising (and the use of boiled water to make up formula, but that's another story). The reason you are advised to sterilise bottles for infants, whatever the type of milk, is because the milk is likely to sit around in there, warm, for anything up to an hour (that's the officially advised max) - milk is great bacteria food, so this creates risk of nasty bugs growing if there's anything on the bottle/pumping equipment. The fact that your breasts aren't sterile is beside the point as milk doesn't sit around on the surface of your breasts for ages before being drunk (breastmilk does contain bacteria, but the good kind). This is not to say that you definitely should sterilise, I believe other countries advise stopping at a lower age (I've heard in France it's six months) and there are obviously those out there who don't think it's needed at all. It all depends how risk averse you are, given how miserable a small baby would be in the unlikely event that they did get food poisoning from this source.

That aside - my two cents is just to recommend that you do a bit of soul-searching to figure out why you want to continue and if it's worth the trouble, on balance. I spent the first ten weeks of my baby's life in an all-consuming effort to get breastfeeding to work. I was lucky that it eventually did, but if I have another I would set myself a deadline of six weeks to get it working or stop - in retrospect I know I stuck with it for so long because of the immense pressure that women are under to breastfeed as the best option, and I wish I had had some headspace in those early weeks that wasn't consumed by it. So persevere if that's really what you want, but don't do it because you've internalised that's what you need to do to be a great mum

@Etherealhedgehogyhstd really good advice, thank you xx

[quote MintGreenLife]@KatieKoala sorry you had a bad experience with the TT! To be fair it was very casually mentioned to me by a midwife in the hospital when I had him, but I was told unless it was causing an issue with feeding/weight gain it wouldn’t need to be addressed. The problems we are having didn’t start until he was 6/7 weeks, and we got some help through the HV at around 9 weeks, and it was then that the TT was brought up again and I was asked if I wanted to be referred to see if it needed snipping, which of course I said yes to. That’s amazing you pumped and fed that way for so long! I find pumping a faff, but that’s mostly because I can’t put baby down (he will only contact nap in the day) and so struggle to see how I could get started properly with pumping! Which is why I’m thinking maybe of trying formula once or twice, during which time I can pump while DH feeds him x[/quote]
Yes, I had to buy a wireless, portable pump and a special bra to hold it on 🤣

Very sexy, I'm sure you'll agree. But honestly, it was a godsend because I could pick him up, walk around, make a cup of tea etc.

But God knows I'm not against formula! My older one had formula from really early on due to being tube fed and me being too sick to express. We mix fed and it was great. She's fit as a fiddle, very clever, rarely sick etc.

Just checking in for bedtime, hope you're feeling more reassured tonight.

It may be comfort sucking, my now 14 month old dd does a lot of that. If you can persist with a dummy.
Reflux could be an issue or allergies soya is a common allergy after dairy then eggs.
Hakka pumps are great and I think you’re at the worst stage it does get easier.
Sometimes out of hours gps are a faster way to get referred to the consultant. And it’s saturday tomorrow and you’ve got a very restless fussy baby not feeding well at all.....

I had the exact same with my son, gosh I could’ve written this myself. I didn’t understand it and was convinced I must’ve had a low supply or something.

Have you made sure tongue tie snip hasnt reattached? I’ve heard of this happened.

I tried everything, suspected reflux, silent reflux, omeprazole, tongue tie snip even tho it was borderline (he was just so unsettled and nothing seemed to be helping’ I ended up just making my life function with the constant feeding. Brought a baby carrier and learnt to feed him in there. That way I could leave the house! I also started cosleep and feeding a lot lying down feeding!

I just focused on getting through each day as hard as they were. My son is now 1 and we’re stiil breastfeeding! I found an LC do so helpful too xxx best of luck

I had this with my dd and she had tongue tie sorted early on but bf was still hell because it seemed it's all she ever wanted to do. In the end it turned out she had silent reflux and I'm sure that she was getting comfort and pain relief from bf so was just getting on to me 24/7! Was so hard and like you it would literally be hours and hours of feeding and I was so exhausted.

I swapped over to part feeding formula and breast at 4 months. The doctor offered us non dairy formula as well as gaviscon.
After these things all happily went into the schedule I was able to take a break but continued to bf to a year alongside the formula.

Might be worth asking your gp or hv if there might be something else at play?

@KatieKoala sorry to hear about your difficulties Wyeth your eldest initially, but great news that she is thriving!

@Couldhavebeenme3 thanks so much for checking in ☺️ I’m feeling much better. He was fussing this afternoon and we had two instances (across about 4 hours) where I just couldn’t get him to feed properly. In between I took him fit a walk in the carrier and then gave him a bath to try and break the cycle, which didn’t work, but then by his evening feed he was much better. I did admittedly let him stay on a while in the evening as I was just sat on the sofa anyway. This evening however we seem to have had a bit of a breakthrough with getting him to sleep in his crib. He’s not slept for more than half an hour in there since he was about 4 weeks old. However this evening he slept 3.5 hours initially, I fed him at 1am and unlatched him after half an hour and a little while of fluttering/pauses which he furnished protest to. He then slept another 2 hours, woke, I rocked him back to sleep and put down again (twice) and he slept another hour. He’s feeding again now. I’m going to leave the formula for now as don’t want to rock the boat now we may finally have him sleeping in his crib, but may try and express a few times so I have some milk in the fridge as a backup for when he’s fussing x

@mayblossominapril thanks for your reply, I’m going to use my Hakka at his next feed and start getting a little stash going ☺️

@Latinorapida sounds like we’ve had an extremely similar experience! That’s amazing you’re still BF your son, well done for persevering as I’m finding it so hard to continue. I was looking at his range of movement with his tongue earlier, and I’m pretty sure it hasn’t reattached. We’ve actually managed to get him to sleep in his crib tonight, which is huge progress, so feeling a bit more positive ☺️ X

@lemonlimetree sorry to hear you had such a tough time, but that’s good to know with a bit of help you could continue BF. I’ve questioned both CMPA and silent reflux. I’ve been dairy free for some time now and we’re currently waiting fir a prescription for DF formula. I also have infant Gaviscon in the cupboard because I was sure he had silent reflux from around 5 weeks, but now I’m not so sure. If he dies end up having a couple of bottle feeds a day I may try the Gaviscon again and see if it has any impact! X

If you want to stop do. Formula isn’t poison. Sleep, mental health and enjoyment of your baby is so important.

I had a hard, impossible start. Gave up, baby is 16 weeks, feeding 5 times a day (20mins) and sleeping through the night 12hours. Whilst I appreciate sleep and feeding aren’t always linked and guaranteed that’s my experience. My other BF baby wasn’t this chilled (until we switched to formula later on).

I felt guilty for a day or so but with a toddler I didn’t have much time for guilt - and zero time for constant feeding/pumping.

I don’t want to come across as knocking BF at all as i’m pro BF…if you DO want to continue and can afford private help then get in touch with you local feeding teams and see if they have any recommendations. BUT i’m pro happy mum ultimately so if you DONT and are miserable please don’t be.

Hey op! Congratulations on your little one
You're doing great. Don't give up, you can do this!
DS is only 4 weeks but I completely understand and sympathise

. This started happening when he was 6 weeks old, and can happen anything from once to twice a day, or all day for every feed. He latches on and off every 10 seconds or so, sometimes crying in between, sometimes beating his fists into me and scratching at my chest.

This sounds very like colic. You could try some gripe water before his feed. Stop mid feed and wind baby too. (Careful when unlatching by sliding your pinkie between baby and nipple) He'll keep eating for comfort to be next to you if it is colic. You can swap some of this time with a dummy. If you're so use one I'd recommend trying it when he first starts stirring. That might soothe him for long enough without the breast.
Make sure he stays awake during his feed. Give him a gentle blow on the cheek or tickle on the feet to wake him up if he stops sucking for longer than 30 seconds.
And after the feed if you're comfortable, it would really help if you introduced a small formula top-up bottle to make sure he is definitely full after the feed.

Hey there. You have my sympathy, lovely.
And as a breastfeeding mum, all I can say... let's just stop with that guilt! Your baby is big enough now and you'e made it this far, there's absolutely no harm in trying to combine with formula. We had a tough BF journey .. similar problems .. tongue tie .. clicking ... bad latch ... but on the other hand DD used to feed only 2-3 min at a time and we thought she was hungry. So we started supplementing with formula from around 3 weeks. And like that, she was combination fed until 12 months when we ditched formula and switched to cow's milk which she loves too. But we also kept BF, and now at age 2 she is still obsessed with the boob :)
I never thought we'd make it this far and now we actually have the opposite issue. I'd love to stop because I've got serious back and neck problems .. but she's not having it 😂.

Long story short ... whatever you decide it will be absolutely fine ...and it's absolutely fine to want to make your life easier !!! Xxx

Ps: oh yes and the colic .... i'm afraid nothing much was helping for us and we just had to ride it out.... it stopped around 3.5 - 4 months.
X

if I try and put him down after a feed he wakes up.

Keep him cuddled into you for 10 mins after the feed then slip him in his bed and place a dummy in his mouth. Keeping one finger on the dummy and the rest of your hand on his chest whilst he drifts into a deep sleep

Hello OP. You are doing a great job here.

My DD2 was very similar to this, with the long periods feeding, and pulling off the breast crying and distressed during feeds. I was getting sore, she was feeding for so long.

I would agree that this is your LO trying to comfort himself. I would also agree with PPs that this could well be something in your diet. Instead of keeping a food diary, I was so desperate I went for an elimination diet and only ate the 8 least allergenic foods for a month. The pulling off the breast crying during feeds completely stopped. I then slowly added the other foods back in over time. It was a big step, but I’m so glad I did it as she was no longer in any discomfort during feeding. I then carried on feeding until she was 21 months. It worked for us.

I had a fussy feeder at that age- as pp I suspected colic and infacol seemed to help. To get him past the fussing stage I found jiggling his leg helped- I guess it distracted him enough from the discomfort to keep feeding! White noise is another good one- try the soundsleeper app. Rain sounds to calm him and then slowly reduce the volume.

@thinkover I totally get that formula isn’t poison, I suppose because in the early days breastfeeding was going so well for us, and at that time it was the only thing going well, it’s something I want to hang into and to continue to enjoy doing, but I know in a way that may be selfish. I think I’ll see how things go over the next week or so, but I know formula is there to try should I want to/need to ☺️

@TwoAndCooPlease thanks so much ☺️ And congratulations on your LO! I hadn’t even thought about colic as a possible cause, if that’s the case hopefully it won’t be too long until it starts getting better. I tried gripe water but not for long, so could try again. When you say to give a dummy when stirring, do you mean stirring from sleep? He pulls some awful faces when I’ve tried a dummy before and pushes it out over and over, so not sure I’d want to disturb him like that when asleep. I find it tricky to know how/when to try a dummy to be honest! X

@Sandrine1982 that’s amazing you’re still BF after such a tricky start! This kind of thing gives me confidence that there are other options and ways to improve what’s happening at the moment, without having to give up BF. Now that we’ve got him to sleep in his crib (fir the first time since he was a few weeks old) I don’t want to do anything to rock the boat, so I’m going to try expressing fir a little while so I have some milk in the fridge as a backup, and will reassess the option of combi feeding in a few weeks ☺️ X

@CherryMaple that’s amazing that you went on such a strict diet! You were obviously very dedicated to breastfeeding ☺️ I’ve cut out dairy and soya, but will keep a diary and see if there seems to be any kind of pattern. Congratulations on BF for so long, that’s amazing! X

@Aw273 I was using Infacol fir around 5 weeks but I stopped about 3 weeks ago as didn’t think it was helping any more, but may try again. Like your LO mine is able to continue feeding properly if I rock and sing to him at the same time. We used white noise last night and got him to sleep in his crib for the first time since he was around 3-4 weeks old last night, so will try white noise while feeding too x