Issues with technology and my 16 month old

[Onegoingontwo]

Hi all, I'm looking for advice from other parents in a similar situation.

My DD is my first child and she's 16 months. She lives in a very tech heavy home (I'm a digital artist and her father is a gamer) so unfortunately bringing her up in such an environment has been unavoidable.

Now recently she just broke our TV. I'm surprised it didn't break sooner tbh! I think she thinks because the iPad and phones and mummy's computer is touch screen then the TV must be too. I've tried my best to take her away from the TV, to try and explain it calmly to her etc. I've done all that I think I could do (aside from physical punishment) to stop her. But that's not my main gripe, it's just to show you how understanding she is of technology and how my discipline techniques may need some work. I'm trying the gentle parenting approach as I believe babies are just curious about the world and are too excited to explore it.

I try and keep screen time to a MINIMUM as I'm conscience of its impact but I'm a digital artist so I can't exactly minimise my own "screen time" because I need it to do my job. Problem I have is that my DD has now decided she likes to draw digitally. It's very cute and clearly good for her development as she's learning colours and hand eye coordination, but now whenever I get out my iPad out to draw or sit down at my desk to draw, its like all hell has broken lose. She'll do everything in her power to try and get to these things.

I don't know how to stop her from doing this? I've tried traditional paper and pens that she can use along side me but it's not as exciting as my brightly coloured screens. She's 16 months so should understand the word no or explainations on why she can't have these things, but it doesn't seem to be quite computing with her. So I put them away and she continues to throw tantrums. Eventually they stop but it's becoming so much of a problem now she will kick and scream at their hiding spots even if I haven't even used them that day.

Does anyone have any advice? Being a digital artist is my job but I work for myself so I can be flexible on when and how I work but that is no longer a solution. I live in a small two bed so my desk has to be in the living room. I can't unpack it every day and repack it as it's alot of equipment. I also don't want to deter my DD from picking up a pen and learning to hold it etc as it is good for her development. Does anyone have any advice?

I just don't want my things to end up like the TV! And also for the tantrums to stop.

Do you have to work around her? I'm self-employed too but I don't work around DD. I work when she's in bed and I put her into nursery for two days a week to work then. If you aren't using a screen during the day then will she just play with other things if you play with her?

Are you trying to work while supervising a toddler? Maybe look at alternatives like a megasketcher or easel for her to be creative in a child friendly way.

I think your problem is expecting a 16mo to be able to amuse themselves or just sit beside you nicely when you are working. It's not feasible. It may be that she's less interested in the actual devices than the fact that you are using them and she wants to do what you are doing. Children like to copy what they see, after all. My DD is very good at independent play, but I still wouldn't try to work around her as she would eventually want to be involved, press stuff on the laptop, etc. It's just normal.

I'd ditch using the screens when she's around and focus on sitting and drawing on paper with her and doing other non-screen activities together. Also put stuff that is breakable away safely - our TV is wall mounted so DD can't get near it to break it or switch it on.

She's seen you use screens a lot but has she seen you sit and colour with pens and paper? Modelling it and doing it with her may help. That said neither of my two were at all interested in drawing or colouring until school age. They liked to build stuff instead (lots of Lego, duplo, mega bricks and junk modelling).

Put the telly on the wall or on a higher stand.
I'd try not to be working while she is around. She is very little. Many of us were given no choice with lockdown but working and looking after little people is torture and unfair to everyone.

You need to read some information about child development as a matter of urgency.
You cannot work with a toddler anywhere in the vicinity. If you need to work from home, you must organise child care and your toddler needs to be in a safe environment and supervised.

I think you need to find appropriate childcare for her while you work. At 16 months toddlers need constant supervision and engagement - they can’t and shouldn’t be expected to just amuse themselves. And with your lines of work there is a danger that she may focus so much on screens that she doesn’t develop her hand strength in preparation for school. Are there nurseries or childminders local to you that could take her while you work?

Thanks for the replies. I'm not trying to work around her per say, my main priority is her but there's always those quiet moments where you think "oh maybe I could do this one small thing quickly", you know? I do make sure to play and do lots of activities during the day. Her attention on these activities is less and less though as she will walk off to find the iPad etc and start to whine and/or throw a tantrum.

Ive looked into preschool but unfortunately no one will take her for less than 4 sessions a week as its apparently necessary to make sure she has a good routine with them. We're financially not in a position to afford that unfortunately. I can have people who help to babysit but the iPad issue doesn't go away and the babysitting is a bit of a luxury I can't rely on weekly.

It wouldn't be such a problem if she hasn't been like this for a couple of months. I thought it was just a phase because she was fascinated with what I was doing, but clearly this girl of mine just wants to draw like mummy!

Agree with others the technology isn't the problem here it's the fact you are trying too work whilst also doing the full time job of looking after a toddler.

She doesn't enat your ipad because it's technology, she wants it because it's what is diverting your attention from her.

You need to find childcare so your daughter and your job are both getting 100% focus.

Is that meaning 4 sessions / 2 days?
TBH you'll get so much more done if you could put her in 2 full days rather than working round her.

Ive looked into preschool but unfortunately no one will take her for less than 4 sessions a week

When you say preschool do you mean nursery as a preschool is normally for children in the year or 2 before school not for 16 month olds.

Some nurseries will want you to have several sessions a week but none I know of demand 4 as a minimum. Have you also looked into childminders?

I think alot of your comments are fair. It's just an unrealistic expectation to try and do something for myself around her. I don't consider it work as its a passion of mine (that just happens to generate income).

I will try and sit down with her to draw on paper more. Maybe that could work?

As for the TV we can't mount it on the wall because our landlord says no but we will be purchasing a sideboard instead of a TV stand to see if that helps. I think a lot of TV stands are just too low. My DD is quite tall for her age.

I'm prepared to be wrong and heavily corrected but the issue with screen time is the lack of interaction right? Stunted language skills and obesity due to lack of interaction and exercise while 'plugged in' watching hey duggee.
If you're doing something together that is an activity or drawing etc surely this does not have that negative impact. She's learning fine motor skills, colours shapes, all sorts.
Could you not let her indulge a bit each day? I'm not saying hours but a couple of small sessions would probably make it less exciting?

If you can’t afford the childcare, i’d say you can’t afford to work.

I think you have to focus on her during the day and leave your work / passion until evenings, or get DH to take her at the weekend.

It doesn't matter what your are doing anything that diverts your attention, seems like fun to a baby will in turn attract their attention. Doesn't matter if its phone, laptop, TV remote, kids want what you have don't bother with toy imitations.

Not sure if it's a South west thing? But all my nurseries around here are called preschool? I don't have many so maybe they are preschools primarily but have a nursery function as an add on?

And the sessions are 8am to 1pm or 1pm to 6pm. Sadly it's just not affordable for us at £30 a session.

I think my best bet is to give up trying to do something for myself! I don't mean that in a negative way as I'm coming to terms with that reality anyway. You just hear horror stories of mums losing themselves when they have kids and other than my drawing (and my DD obviously) I didn't really have much else that gave me joy.

I'll just gave to wait until I'm in a better financial position I think.

Also just to clarify I'm not trying to work around my daughter. I'm self employed so can pick my own hours. I know toddlers need constant attention and Ill make myself available for that. It was literally a case of whilst she's chilling playing with her bricks having a moment of independent play I could quickly do something on my iPad but it's unfortunately just not feasible. I see it the same as when other mums go on their phone to check Facebook or their messages quickly.

She's 16 months so should understand the word no or explainations on why she can't have these things

No, she won't understand explanations of why she can't have these things. I have a 16 month old, and a 5 year old. Trust me, that expectation is far too high.

You just hear horror stories of mums losing themselves when they have kids and other than my drawing (and my DD obviously)

You do it during naptime, or when she's in bed, or when your partner gets home from work and takes over for a bit. I work FT out of the house so 16 month old DS is in nursery 5 days a week 8:30-5:30.
On weekends he is our sole attention and yes if the Ipad comes out of course he wants it, it is pretty and bright and he wants to know why I'm looking at it.

you keep aying how you don't see it as work, but it is work, and it needs your attention so therefore it needs to be done in childfree time.

I sympathise OP but I think you just have a child with a temperament that won't allow you do to that. I've always been able to check my phone, spend 15 mins on my laptop while DD plays, etc. without her being interested, but she's just that kind of child. My friend's DS the same age, on the other hand, would never in a million years let her do that. He always wants to be involved and do what other people are doing. It's just different kids, different personalities, and I think you just have to work with the child you have and accept it's not something you can do right now and will have to wait till evenings when she's asleep or when her dad can look after her.

At 16mo, she will have zero understanding of explanations. She's far too little for reasoning. Doesn't mean you can't explain - I think it's a good habit to get into for when they're older. But she's not going to be able to parse and understand it. They are very impulse-led at this age.

A child-minder might be cheaper and offer more flexible hours. You might qualify for some help with costs

I'm in the South West and where I am there are definitely nurseries. Nurseries tend to be private and will have their own preschool for 3-4 year olds. Stand alone preschools tend to be attached to schools and/ or charitable.

I agree with the others- put the telly out of reach (and most importantly make sure she can't pull it on herself). Work will have to wait until she's asleep or someone else is caring for her.

@PlasticDinosaur

I'm prepared to be wrong and heavily corrected but the issue with screen time is the lack of interaction right? Stunted language skills and obesity due to lack of interaction and exercise while 'plugged in' watching hey duggee. If you're doing something together that is an activity or drawing etc surely this does not have that negative impact. She's learning fine motor skills, colours shapes, all sorts. Could you not let her indulge a bit each day? I'm not saying hours but a couple of small sessions would probably make it less exciting?

Drawing on a screen does not have the same development benefits as drawing on paper has. Drawing on paper will develop hand and finger strength, teach about colour mixing, texture, and will let kids produce something ‘real’ that can give them a sense of accomplishment. While screen drawing can teach basic drawing techniques & are probably better than passive watching of TV, only the most expensive tablets that mimic paper teach the rest.

God, just put the iPad away when she's around - she's getting nothing from it.

Better to give her megablocks, books, crayons, dolls, balls, cars etc. stuff she can do on her own and with other people. Open ended play stuff is the best.

I don't see anything wrong with her love of drawing digitally. Why not buy her a child friendly version of an iPad which she can play on during the rare occasions you want to work on your iPad. In moderation, that's fine.

You sound like a good mum and well aware of your toddler's needs. I'm not sure what this "gentle" parenting thing is but the best approach which tantrums is to say No, stand firm, distract and don't reward with extra attention.

Tantrums are normal at that age.

Is her dad some sort of "professional" gamer or something? He needs to get stuck in with the parenting and do that in his spare time or when she's in bed if it's just a hobby!

Also it's "per se" Latin for in itself sorry to be a twat