Issues with technology and my 16 month old

[Onegoingontwo]

Hi all, I'm looking for advice from other parents in a similar situation.

My DD is my first child and she's 16 months. She lives in a very tech heavy home (I'm a digital artist and her father is a gamer) so unfortunately bringing her up in such an environment has been unavoidable.

Now recently she just broke our TV. I'm surprised it didn't break sooner tbh! I think she thinks because the iPad and phones and mummy's computer is touch screen then the TV must be too. I've tried my best to take her away from the TV, to try and explain it calmly to her etc. I've done all that I think I could do (aside from physical punishment) to stop her. But that's not my main gripe, it's just to show you how understanding she is of technology and how my discipline techniques may need some work. I'm trying the gentle parenting approach as I believe babies are just curious about the world and are too excited to explore it.

I try and keep screen time to a MINIMUM as I'm conscience of its impact but I'm a digital artist so I can't exactly minimise my own "screen time" because I need it to do my job. Problem I have is that my DD has now decided she likes to draw digitally. It's very cute and clearly good for her development as she's learning colours and hand eye coordination, but now whenever I get out my iPad out to draw or sit down at my desk to draw, its like all hell has broken lose. She'll do everything in her power to try and get to these things.

I don't know how to stop her from doing this? I've tried traditional paper and pens that she can use along side me but it's not as exciting as my brightly coloured screens. She's 16 months so should understand the word no or explainations on why she can't have these things, but it doesn't seem to be quite computing with her. So I put them away and she continues to throw tantrums. Eventually they stop but it's becoming so much of a problem now she will kick and scream at their hiding spots even if I haven't even used them that day.

Does anyone have any advice? Being a digital artist is my job but I work for myself so I can be flexible on when and how I work but that is no longer a solution. I live in a small two bed so my desk has to be in the living room. I can't unpack it every day and repack it as it's alot of equipment. I also don't want to deter my DD from picking up a pen and learning to hold it etc as it is good for her development. Does anyone have any advice?

I just don't want my things to end up like the TV! And also for the tantrums to stop.

I have the same with my DD she's 21 months and ipad is her favourite word. And she can say Duggee too, so it's not stunted her language skills We will come home from a trip and the first thing she says is ipad. She goes to the spot it's kept and requests it and then cries if you don't give in. I'm not saying she always gets it from her demands, just painting the picture. My DS was the same, but liked playing songs on the iPad rather than watching stuff and still does.

I imagine at 16 months her attention span isn't very long, but my only solution is get her her own ipad ( or old version or cheaper Amazon fire version) BTW MN will hate me for this idea. Some screen time drawing or watching is fine. I often say play xxx then ipad if I'm getting demands.

But I'd say naps for doing your work are your friend here. I find I cannot do anything for myself or even cook with DD around when she's awake. It's a tough intense time.

My DD will go to a community playgroup at 2 they are usually 3 hour sessions ( morning 9-12 or afternoon 12-3) and much cheaper than a day nursery / preschool. Approx £6.50- 7 per hour until you get your free funded hours age 3. They are term time only. I could never afford a day nursery and remember you can use tax free childcare account to pay it. Look on .gov you pay in and then the government adds some money towards your childcare fees. You might find you qualify for free hours at age 2 in certain circumstances.

Oh is also say that I feel when I've posted stuff that the majority of MN is very anti screens and TV. I imagine their children are grown up now as life is different. Lots of people I know have screens/ Tv on all day for their kids . I'm not saying it's good, but you sound like you are balancing it with wholesome stuff.

It's not really possible to sit and do stuff like that while they are around in my experience. If you want to be on your tech she will want to do the same. I keep doing stuff like that for when they are napping or in bed so I can concentrate.

If you don't want to give it up, your best bet is probably to get her own cheap used iPad and let her do that while you work for short periods.

I agree with sleepingrabbits, some sort of tablet aimed at toddlers will keep her entertained for half an hour while you catch up on some digital work.
I don't see a problem with that in moderation. You don't have to sacrifice your life on the altar of motherhood. You're allowed a break during the day from playing or entertaining her. Toddlers are great but the conversation isn't very stimulating is it

When she's at nursery or pre school they'll likely have a computer or tablet the children can use occasionally. Technology isn't toxic; it's a great learning tool used properly.

Yeah it's tricky. I have three kids aged six and under so we do have the tv on a lot, but the older ones will often be playing and only half watching and the nearly-2 year old isn't really interested in the tv.

Tablets though - ooft! They all go mental. We found it really hard when homeschooling during Covid because the little of would try and grab the tablet etc, but all the work was online.

If this isn't work you need to do, it leave it just now. I can easily go on my phone and things while the older two children are there now and they don't try to take it or anything, so they do grown out of this kind of thing.

In general my kids only get tablets in the car on longish journeys now because they just cause hassle. I've no issue with screens as such and they pretty much watch tv whenever they ask, but tablets are like crack to kids.

@Onegoingontwo I think you've had some harsh replies here from perhaps misunderstanding your initial post. So from what I've taken from it, it isn't that you're trying to work around your DD it's that her obsession with your equipment stops her being interested in anything else and because of your home layout it is easily accessible for her to see and therefore want?

I have this issue with my work laptop (I also don't work around my DD (19 months) but occasionally might fire it up to check something for someone - my work emails come through to my phone). DD is obsessed with it, but our other laptops (we're also a tech heavy household) are fine and she isn't interested. I think it's because my work laptop has a light up button whereas my personal one doesn't .

Maybe try sitting and drawing on paper with her more often as it might be the connection she's after more than the activity, iyswim. My DD is quite happy to play independently most of the time but drawing she always wants to do with me. We bought her a little desk of her own a couple of weeks ago and she sits for ages at that playing with her sticker books, tea sets, but likes me to sit and colour with her.

Maybe have different mediums available too, painting, aquadoodle, wax crayons, chalk. They're all different so rotating might pique her interest a bit more than the same.

With regards to the iPad I don't think it's bad to let her have it for a little bit but I think you need to establish boundaries for it. Biglittlefeelings on instagram is a great account to follow for tips on creating and holding boundaries.

If you can't hide the iPad I'd be firm about when she can use it and don't give in to tantrums so for example "I know you want to play on the iPad now, but we're drawing instead. You can play on the iPad after lunch" kind of thing. It's hard when they don't understand fully but she'll get there in a few months and it really gets you in the habit now!

At 16 months my DD had an obsession with throwing her toys over the baby gate to the dogs, I felt like I'd said "oh it looks like you're having trouble keeping that here, I'm going to put it away to keep it safe" a million times and then one day about a month ago she looked at me like she actually understood and she hasn't thrown a toy over since. It was a real turning point as it had been driving me absolutely round the bend for months haha.

Similar aged DS who wants to be doing exactly what we are doing. We don’t use our phones around him in the house as he just tantrums for them. Never even shown him the ipad as he would be obsessed. Sorry, I think you’ve come to this conclusion anyway but probably best to just not have the tech out around her.

It’s true you could work really hard to establish boundaries around tech at this age, or you could wait a year and it would be a lot easier to rationalise and therefore the boundaries would be more logical and less ‘trained’ iyswim. Good luck with it!