Messing up morning with 13 week baby

[Peaplant20]

Hi all. I’m getting very tired and frustrated trying to get 14 week old baby to nap in the day. What am I doing wrong? For example, this morning:

• baby woke at 6.45 for a feed, but only went to sleep at 8.15pm last night so I thought she will need another sleep before getting up for the day.
• managed to get her to nap oh my lap from 7.40am-8.40am, the second I put my hand under her to transfer her back to the cot she woke up. I couldn’t get her back to sleep in the cot so I tried feeding her but she wasn’t hungry. She was yawning so I tried to get her back to sleep on me with no luck. Then DH took over and had a little play and tried to get her to sleep on his lap but no luck.
• by this time it’s 9.45am baby is still yawning so I check to see if she’s hungry which she isn’t, then lift her and rock and sway her to sleep, which took a good 20mins and lots of crying.
• put her back in the cot at 10ish and she woke 2 minutes later. Tried a feed again still not hungry.

It’s now 10.30 and she’s not fed since 6.45am and not slept since 8.45am. I feel like I’ve now messed the whole morning up because I feel like every decision I’ve made so far has been wrong.

Baby will not sleep in the day unless in the sling on me. Yoy might say just do whatever you can to get her to sleep (aka sling) but I’ve been doing this from about 4 weeks and my legs and back are knackered. I also think baby is constantly over tired but i spend so much of the day trying to get her to sleep.

DH says other people don’t worry about this and don’t count how long they’ve been awake etc however I suspect those people have babies that just naturally sleep throughout the day - in the car, in the pram, in the swing etc. My baby will not do that ever. I also think it’s fine if baby seems happy to be awake for a longer time but my baby is not a settled baby she cries constantly.

What am I doing wrong? How would you have done this morning differently? Also I suspect she wakes up a lot in the morning for the day before she is ready because she is gassy and it wakes her.

Just realised I’ve said she’s 13 weeks and 14 weeks 😂 tired mum brain. She’s 13 weeks.

You are overthinking, and over tired. Get your dh to take her out in the pram. If she nods off great if not you get a break.

^ this. I had babies who would only sleep on me too, it’s tough. But she hasn’t fed for 3 hours 45 mins and hasn’t napped for 1h 45 mins… that’s fine. She’ll feed when she’s hungry. Get your partner to take over for an hour and go and have a nap.

My DS1 was a crap sleeper and I didn't have a sling with him (my biggest regret).

I did count the hours he slept because he was so bad.

However, for your sanity you need to accept that baby isn't sleeping for a little bit. If all you do all morning is try and get them to sleep (I've been there) it's stressful.

You say baby went to bed at 8:15, did they sleep through? If they did I wouldn't worry as much.

The not feeding is also something to relax a little about at the moment. Missing the odd feed here and there isn't a problem. Obviously look out for signs of dehydration (nappies not needing to be changed regularly).

This morning hasn't gone to plan and thats ok. There will be many more mornings like this. Take a deep breath, maybe go for a walk if you can. Either with or without baby and start again this afternoon.

Thanks everyone. The problem is she just screams and screams when she’s tired until I can get her to sleep. So since I First posted an hour ago she’s been basically crying on off and I can tell she is tired. So I ended up putting her in the sling and she’s just screamed and screamed until she’s finally nodded off.

Yes she slept 8.15pm then woke at 9.15pm had a feed and back to sleep until 3.15am, fed, slept again then woke at 4.50 but I managed to re settle her, same again at 5.50am and then she woke properly at 6.45am for a feed.

I think trying to get them back to sleep at 0840 when they’ve already gone back to sleep once this morning was a hiding to nothing. Most babies get up early.
Just get up with them and start going about your day

Instead of spending time trying to make them sleep I would encourage you to do something else.
Pop them in the sling and go for a walk, hoover, go to the library.
In my experience tiny babies are most settled when there is stuff going on that they can watch and gurgle at.

Spending hours trying to make them sleep when they aren’t ready isn’t going to make either of you happy, they will fall asleep eventually because all the fussing makes them tired!
Once they are ready to sleep there is no stopping them.

So instead of focussing on getting them to sleep maybe you can focus on wearing them out between times.
An hour of strong stimulation, like bookbug at the library, generally means a solid sleep after

I remember this age being tough because they're almost at the point of a routine but not quite, so you can't predict them but also can't quite just go with them the way you would with the newborn. Once they're in a routine (which can happen very naturally by following their cues and observing trends) it's much easier as it's more predictable. I thought so anyway.

Hard to remember now, but I think with mine at 6:45 I would've been getting them up if they woke and then they would've quickly been back down for another nap. With DD2 I used to love that time of day as she'd nap in the living room with the TV on so I'd get a coffee while DD1 and DH were still in bed.

DD1 was a terrible sleeper though and I know that just puts you on edge and you get a bit obsessed.

Ah OP I remember having mornings just like this! It will get easier soon - IME they start getting into a bit more of a routine around this age. I agree with pp that a nap at 7.40 seems much too early though.

I wouldn’t have tried to get her back to sleep at 6.45am… totally normal time to start the day

What happens when she’s in the sling on your DH?

Thanks all. She was yawning so I thought she was still tired what do you think? And she only went to bed at 8.15pm.

She doesn’t sleep as well in the sling on dh as me but will eventually. He’s only around on weekends though.

At 3 months old 8.15pm is a pretty good bedtime. I could never get any of mine to settle until 10ish until around 4-5 months old!
I would have got up at 6.45am, let her play around on the floor etc while I had a cup of coffee, then aimed for a nap at around 8.30

Have you tried baby massage for the gassiness? My DD (11 weeks) was really unsettled overnight and first thing in the morning on Wednesday-Friday, yesterday I did a short tummy massage at every nappy change (unless she'd literally just fed) and she was so much better last night and this morning, it may just have been a fluke but might be worth a try?

Also, if my DD has a bedtime of 8.15 by 13 weeks I'll be amazed, she's still in a feed/nap cycle all evening until late, 10.30 at the earliest and midnight isn't unheard of!

Honestly I drove myself insane with naps and lack of for the first 4-5 months of my babies life, it was a waste of time. My baby has always needed less sleep than what is recommended and longer wake times. He didn’t properly nap anywhere but on me (sling or not) for the first four months, I tried to get him in his cot and it worked for a bit but then he changed his mind! I missed out on so much happiness because I was fixated. I sacked it all off around 10 months old and just got him to sleep by whatever means whenever I thought was right for him and it was the best thing. Even now at almost 19mo he doesn’t nap in his cot and his nap can start at 11am or 1pm depending on our day! It’s not for everyone but it suits us x

I don’t think yawning is a sure sign if tiredness no, especially if they just woke up

Getting up and doing stuff for an hour is much more likely to result in baby going back to sleep peacefully than trying to rock a baby that’s had a full nights sleep back to sleep.
As you said, there was a lot if crying then sleep, they were tired from crying so did eventually sleep.

Honestly I would stop trying so hard to make them sleep, keep active and busy when they are awake and they will crash when ready.

If their eyes are starting to droop by all means get them somewhere darkish and quiet but often this makes them perk up in my experience you’re better off just letting them crash where and when they do than trying to make it happen

As they get bigger and start to properly fight sleep then all the put them in the buggy and go for a walk stuff is great but at this tiny you just need to roll with it, forget when they are supposed to do what and just go with it 😂

6.45am wake up seems fine, regardless of bedtime. I'd aim for mine at that age to go back to sleep 90mins after they woke. So make sure fed and changed in that first hour up, then lots of cuddles and off to sleep.

If she sleeps best on you then letting her sleep on you is what's needed. Get yourself a corner set up on the couch- water, tv remote, phone charger etc. Lean into the situation.

That first morning nap, aim for 45mins of sleep so you arent sat for too long. Lunchtime - aim for 1.5hrs. Dont even try to put her down once asleep. Another 45mins in the afternoon.

Getting her caught up on sleep (even if it means you trapped on the sofa for a few hours a day) is crucial imo as then once she is rested and into a routine, you can look at alternative places for her to take her now normal naps.

Agree that I obsessed over my baby sleeping on his own and napping / getting him to sleep and times etc.

It was completely unreasonable and he's just a shit sleeper - even now @ 2. I really wish I'd filled my day with things that made me happy.

I stopped worrying at 4/5 months, let him contact nap and feed whenever he felt like it. I'd put him in the sling and walk, or load the dishwasher, or walk round the garden. Life was better.

Thanks everyone I really appreciate the advice. I feel like I just have no idea what I’m doing.

In terms of letting her crash out or letting her just sleep on me I find this really hard. It I just left her, say in the chair after play time, she simply won’t just crash out. She might start yawning but will fuss and work herself up to full on screaming. She won’t just cuddle and fall asleep or feed to sleep on me either she has to be actively rocked in the sling.

I feel like I need someone to come over and watch me for a day and tell me what’s going wrong. I’m usually quite a competent person but I’ve lost all my confidence after having a baby that’s cried at me for hours and hours and won’t sleep all day for 13 weeks!

❤️❤️❤️❤️

It’s normal to feel that way!

You love them and tou want to do the best by then but they hardly even know you exist yet and certainly don’t appreciate your efforts.

It gets easier xxxx

Tiny babies are very portable, take them out and about with you and they will watch the world go past, sit at home the two of you and they will fuss and fuss

This is why baby groups exist despite being the 2nd circle of hell 😂😂😂
As new parents we need each other to over analyse our babies poos together and point out when we are being daft

Tell you what op, do an advanced search for precious first born syndrome next time you are stuck under a baby and have a good laugh at all of us and yourself

The woman who squirted Johnson’s no more tears in her eye to test it 😂😂😂😂
Ridiculous, baby’s and lack of sleep send us all a wee bit mad

Just got to keep on keeping on and try not to lose your sense of humor ❤️

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/parenting/346540-your-top-pfb-precious-first-born-moments

Here is one but there are several more, all as side splittingly ridiculous

Have you tried white noise? I used to put white noise on and rock my DD to sleep (standing up).. she’d be off within minutes then I was able to sit down on the sofa with her.