Wish I didn’t want 3 kids but I still get broody

[Em2122]

I have two kids close in age, only 1 and 2 years. I keep thinking about the third even though l could list a 100 reasons to stick at two . I feel jealous of people who feel happy two and done. I’m sahm but they start full time nursery age 3, so I keep thinking of best time to have my third. Having two at home full time has been really hard so want a third when both are at school but also want a close age gap so enjoy same activities.

There is so so many cons, from 3 is a crowd, to expense, to getting a new car, sharing a bedroom , I hate the under 2 age! It’s boring! And yet more years of sleep deprivation and not being able to get a job, might end up being a sahm forever because wrap around care expense not worthwhile. I also have hardly any support or babysitting. I have a
Boy and girl so not much anticipation on the gender. I may get broody again in years to come, when the 3 are older and a baby seems new and exciting again, definitely don’t have room for 4!

Yet in my heart I think of having a lot of fun and a party atmosphere when they are older, 3 adult children is better than 2 as they may not stay close to home. Excited over the anticipation of a new baby and hopefully feeling complete after third is born

I know there is many more cons and will probably be happier sticking at two, but when I had my first I couldn’t wait to have a second, now my second is 1, I can’t wait for a third. I wanted to see anyone who still gets broody but know it’s not the right choice

I would say there is no guarantee of a party atmosphere when they are older or that having three will be any more guarantee that any of them will stay close to home. In fact, anecdotally I’ve noticed that families with two adult children tend to be closer than families with 3 adult children. I’ve also noticed that it seems to be more common for adults who have two or more siblings that move further away from their family of origin. This is only what I’ve seen, obviously no large evidence base for it whatsoever

That should read ‘more common for adults with two or more siblings TO move further away from their family of origin’.

Ah I feel the same! Again I have so many reasons not too. my eldest is 5 and my youngest is 1.
I just feel like I want a big family. But j don't have the money or the space.. plus I really thought I would be satisfied with 2? When I was pregnant I kept saying no more but i do have this niggiling feeling like I want another.

I've just got to think the negatives definitely out whey the positives. It seems like a lovely idea, but how would it actually work? Day to day it just wouldn't for us. If we had more space and money I might of gone for it. It's hard but I think we both have to think with our heads not our hearts.

Probably , another con is not having as much time for the ones I do have to keep a close relationship. But can’t shake the feeling of wondering what a new character would be like…also having one of each, I think tend to not have much in common as teenagers, so would be to nice to have two of the same also…

Okay I'm going to put this out there. I had my third last year, she is now 9 months old and I am loving every second by the way! I absolutely love love love having three! However, I still don't have that satisfied done feeling 🙈😫

What does your partner think? The answer might help solve your problem....

It isn't a bad thing to have three of it's what you both want. But you do need to do it for the right things, because you say you hate the under two age, but your oldest is only two now.

I always wanted a big family. I’d love a 3rd or 4th but I’ve had two Hyperemesis pregnancies. Been extremely poorly through both, often in hospital. I felt like I lost 9 months with my eldest. I couldn’t parent properly. I was wishing the time away. I couldn’t do it to her again nor my youngest. And I think my husband would have a meltdown! I’ve had covid this week & he’s had to do a lot of the childcare as I’ve been quite poorly! 10 days of both of them with no support has been quite enough 😂

So two it is! I’m very lucky to have them, they both sleep through, I’m not exhausted! And they are really hard work sometimes, I think I’d collapse with a 3rd! 😂

I have 3, aged 9, 6 and youngest is nearly 3. I find it really, really hard. I wouldn't change the kids for the world but I do think I was naive about how difficult life would be.
I still get very broody and I absolutely adore babies. I was in a shop today and there were these teeny tiny little rompers, and I felt such a longing for a baby. There's no way I'd want to have another one though, realistically. I think I'd still be broody after 4, 5, 6 babies. It's just mother nature's way. She made babies so damn adorable.

We have three. I always wanted three and it is exhausting but I wouldn't change it for the world. No broody feelings now either, which persisted while we just had two. Our family is full!

@Em2122

Probably , another con is not having as much time for the ones I do have to keep a close relationship. But can’t shake the feeling of wondering what a new character would be like…also having one of each, I think tend to not have much in common as teenagers, so would be to nice to have two of the same also…

My two (one boy, one girl) got on brilliantly as teenagers and still do as adults. Im glad that I didn’t have a third as I would have hated for one to get left and out ( also not sure it would have been the ‘only gender’ either. My two got on so well i feel it would have been the imaginary third anyway )

3 is perfect. It changes a sometimes intense dynamic between 2. Everyone always has a friend. No-one is left out - eg if it's one person's birthday. Honestly I could go on and on. Yes it's more expensive but you need to learn to manage things differently. It's mainly holidays that are more expensive. And you're right that 3 adult children create more of a party atmosphere.

And yes I agree to concentrating on the ones you have. I have a brilliant relationship with my two (and they do with each other) I feel this is BECAUSE it was always just the three of us (we all adore their dad too but he worked A LOT)

In many ways I would have liked a third. I still think about it now and my two are 11 and 8 and I am 42.

But…..

It would have not been the best thing for my two. I strongly suspect O would have gone from being a pretty good mum of two to a mediocre (or worse) mum of three. The gain from an extra sibling would not have been as much as the loss from less resources (financial, energy & time).

And it turns out that my eldest is very talented at a sport. The commitment is large and getting larger. We can just about handle it without my youngest losing out or getting lost in the process. But a third would make that pretty much impossible.

I also have a friend who had three in quick succession and then her eldest got very ill. (Along the lines of over 100 nights in hospital in a year ill.) She is very open about the fact that if she had known then she wouldn’t have had her youngest (much as she adores her) as once she has dealt with all the stuff she has to do to help keep her eldest alive there is barely enough time or energy left for one other child and instead she has to split that between two.

We had twins the second time, so got one extra than we planned.

I wouldn’t have it any other way. Each of my babies are so individual, I adore them and they are all so different. I have two girls and a boy, with my twins being g/b. So far it feels like a lovely dynamic. I can’t wait for noisy christmases with wrapping paper everywhere, walking them all to school and talking about their day. Bedtime stories. I know it’s going to be challenging but it feels worth it. We are lucky that we have a big house, or I do feel like I would struggle. My girls will definitely only share if they want to as I’d like to give them the option.

I am one of 5, they are my best friends. I think family is everything. We all socialise as grown ups, talk/ laugh everyday on our WhatsApp chat and we get together as much as we can. We don’t all live in the same country but we know we have each others backs. DH is an only child and when we see his family I find the dynamic really difficult.

Just bear in mind, you could have twins and end up with 4!

Just to add- i really don’t think I could do 3 pregnancies! Or 3 different ages. I actually think doing 3 at different ages would be a lot more difficult than a 3 year old and twins!

Three is too many when adults should only replace themselves. I know the trend is to have as many as you want but think about being grateful for what you already have and providing well for them.

It does pass OP. I went through a phase of wanting a third but it just didn't make sense for our family at all, for a lot of different reasons.

12 years on and I'm actually glad we didn't have another child. I love where we are now with DD18 just off to Uni and DS14 just starting his GCSE courses. Can't imagine having a younger one to keep up with as well!

I can immediately think of 6 families I know with 4+ adult children in each, and all of their kids live very far away from the parents. Only have the children you can afford to have. Two is plenty.

Then you might be broody again. At least you have the sense to know enough is enough. Two is plenty for anyone.

@Aquamarine1029

I can immediately think of 6 families I know with 4+ adult children in each, and all of their kids live very far away from the parents. Only have the children you can afford to have. Two is plenty.

I’ve definitely noticed this too!

Also, as a mum to adult children with partners, I love having the ‘whole family’ together and can imagine this would be harder the more children you have. I can imagine you’d have to just organise things and hope everyone can turn up but more often than not end up having someone ‘missing’. I love it when my son or daughter rings me and says ‘mum, I’ve just been on the phone to X, we are coming over on Saturday for dinner..’

I get this. I have two DDs, aged 7 and 1. I long for a third but don’t think it’s a good idea. I know DH would be on board with a third too.

Following on about adult children. My DSis and I are very close. We don’t live near each other but we talk regularly and arrange to do things together. DH is 1 of 4. The other three all live in London and we don’t. We don’t get on that well with them really. They have such disdain for DH and I don’t understand it. They can dislike me, fine but DH is kind, generous, funny… so they have no reason to be such assholes to him.

I was the same, we had 2 daughters with 2 years & 10 months between them, pretty soon after No2 was born I knew I wanted a third but hubby was adamant that two was enough. As the girls grew older I pushed thoughts of number 3 to the back of my mind & focused on our 2 girls. Early in 2018 I found out I was pregnant, despite having been on the pill since daughter No2 was born in 2008 & never missing a pill, or being ill (or anything else that may have caused the pill to fail). Our 3rd daughter was born in October 2018. Our girls are now 15 (16 in a few weeks), 13 & 3. I'm not going to lie, it was incredibly tough to start with - you forget how hard that new born stage is & couple that with daughter no2 struggling to adjust to no longer being the 'baby' of the family as she had been for the previous 10 years. Now however I would not change it for the world, our youngest absolutely adores her big sisters & they absolutely dote on her the majority of the time. There are days when I sit and think omg what am I doing, I've got one doing her GCSEs and one who has just started Preschool - although the youngest definitely keeps me feeling young. As for having any more - as soon as daughter no3 was placed in my arms, that was it - my family was complete. My husband and I always say she was the missing piece of our family puzzle. I still love a cuddle with a tiny baby but I have no desire to have another myself.

I had 3 close together, it meant that for those first few difficult months of no sleep with a new baby, there was no school run to do, or anywhere we had to be. I religiously got us all to have an afternoon nap which wouldn’t have been possible if school run was involved.

Yes it’s hell those first years, the constant nappies, toilet training, teething etc, playdoh in the carpet etc. But I’m out the other side now. All kids in education and I’m back to FT work. Never have to go through it again, and I wanted 3 babies, I got 3 babies and don’t ever get broody for another.

But don’t do it if you can’t afford it, or your partner is not willing, or you have health issues. 3 children under 4 is hard work, there will be good days and bad days and you have to be prepared for some bad days. It’s not all sunshine and the kids playing together sweetly. Remember there will be 3 of them and 1 of you.

I have 3, never works out like you think because now I want 4? They all play, fight but then love each other, to see how caring they are with each other to just melts my heart so do it because when my youngest is a little older I'll be having another 🙄
Doesn't cost much more either. My youngest lives in hammy downs and I breast fed, and I didn't buy anything pre made to wean as I was so used to it with 2 before It was just so much easier ?
Mine are all 5 and under !!

My youngest lives in hammy downs

?!