Custody of one year old

[lilu38]

Hi everyone,

Looking for some advice on what is deemed reasonable custody for my ex over our one year old daughter! I will be going back to work full time in November and she will be in nursery! Since we have split up he has been able to see her whenever he wants (whether he chooses to see her is a different matter). She has never spent a night without me and I have always been her main caregiver, even when we were living together. I was thinking one night a week, after she has settled into nursery, and one day during the weekend (I don't know whether every weekend or every other weekend). And then he is welcome to come over during the weeknight evenings to give her dinner/bath her whenever he likes! Is this reasonable? I want a plan/routine set it stone and something that will give my little girl stability, whilst she is still able to maintain a relationship with her father.

You sound a little calmer and a bit less frazzled, I hope that's the case. It's a bloody roller coaster, isn't it.

In my situation I set everything out in writing to him re what I would offer, and over the last year and a half we have worked up to dinner/an overnight at his on Fridays followed by a full day Saturday each week. Prior to the overnights starting, he saw her on Saturday daytimes at his, and I facilitated a FaceTime call one day a week (which I dropped when she started staying at his on Fridays). All the stuff I put in writing was super calm and measured and centred around her emotional well-being and safety - it sort of didn't leave him any wiggle room unless he wanted to take me to court. He yelled and threatened and postured at the beginning, but in the end he capitulated and it's working reasonably well so far. I'm always waiting for the other shoe to drop but what I'm NOT is frightened of him any more, or of what he might do.

What would you offer him/what do you think would be the best arrangements for your little one, if you weren't frightened of him and his reactions? That's the place to start, I think.