Dog and baby … help

[Cafeaulait27]

Our baby is 6 days old and we’re currently navigating everything that entails, and both myself and my partner are having a bit of the baby blues even though this baby was very much wanted and longed for.

We’ve now got our dog back after he spent the first week with my in laws. He’s a terrier and he is very interested in and barks at the baby, as well as constantly trying to get at him.

We knew it would be like this as he’s very interested in children/animals/everything.

We’re going to try and keep him separate but try to make him still feel special etc by still giving him his regular routine, walks, treats and toys etc. But when the baby cries and he starts barking obviously it’s just really distressing and hard.

I just wondered if anyone has any success stories they could share of babies and dogs where it was a nightmare at first but got better?

I’m terrified this will never get better and that this is just our lives now… please help.

The Facebook group DTAS Dog Training Advice and Support run by Sally Bradbury is very good - force free, loads of advice available in the units or you can read the mandatory units then ask a question directly to the trainers.

Cafeaulait27 how are things now?

@theremustonlybeone still bad but we are persevering. We’re trying to ignore him when he reacts in the hope he eventually realises he won’t get attention from it (or be handed the baby!)

Will keep updating. Hopefully by Christmas I will have good news to share

it took over a year for things to change in my house...not the nicest maternity leave i have had...but it does get better

@theremustonlybeone I feel like it might be a long slog for us too! What breed do you have? Did they just get used to it in time?

We really don’t want to give him up when we know he’ll be really good once the baby is older as he loves children and isn’t aggressive xx

Sorry it's still a challenge @Cafeaulait27. We're a bit up and down here too. Our anxious boy has seemed more stressed again this week when I had thought he was calming down. I've got serious dog mum guilt for bringing this bundle of noise into their lives and disrupting their existence! The rational part of me does know though that in reality they still have a great life, and we need to keep supporting them with adjusting.

@MGee123 sorry you’re still having problems too.

I think we need to stick with it. My husband keeps saying ‘it’s only been 4 weeks’. We’re not even used to the new routine / life change of a baby yet, so I guess we can’t expect our dog to be comfortable with all the changes yet.

I have dog mum guilt too. I want him to have a good life so it’s hard having to separate him from us sometimes. Totally agree though we need to remember they still have a good life, rehoming would be a big upheaval for them so has to be a last resort.

What’s happened that makes you think he’s going backwards a bit? X

You're so right re adjustment times. It's a big thing for them as well as us! My husband said one thing on our side is that babies change slowly so hopefully the dogs will be able to adjust to all their development gradually. The first arrival is the only sudden change!

He just seems more wired again whereas I thought he had calmed down a bit. Running to me in an intense manner when she cries and has started chewing his bed again (he does this when stressed). I wonder if I've been over compensating due to my mum guilt and giving too much fuss/attention. He is such a sensitive soul. A pain in the bum in many ways but so sensitive and so devoted to us. I couldn't face rehoming him, he wouldn't cope. One way or another we'll make this work! Luckily our other boy still seems okay so far 🤞

And this is why 1700 children needed hospital treatment for dog attacks last year. There’s no such thing as a “bad dog”. Just many irresponsible owners.

@MGee123 sorry to hear that but I think it does sound like he will calm down in time 🤞

Please keep me updated on how it goes! Xx

Cafeaulait27 how are things now? Hope everything has settled down.

@theremustonlybeone thank you! It’s going much better thanks. We’re being very careful and have put barriers up in the kitchen and a stair gate but we’re able to spend some time all together now without chaos which is great. He mostly wanders off when the baby cries now.

He still gets over excited at times which is what we have to be wary of, and I think a lot of it comes from us being nervous and twitchy. He’s very sensitive and picks up on things like that. So we’re just trying to be as calm as we can.

As an example - one time a bee buzzing on our window made me jump and I made a noise as I let it out of the window. After that every time I went to open that window he went bananas! Took him a few months to get over it!!

I now feel that we won’t need to rehome, as it does feel like we’re making progress. But I don’t think we’re going to be the kind of family where we put them together on a sofa and post the photo on Instagram! But that’s fine by me.

How’s it going for you @MGee123? Xx

So pleased to hear this @Cafeaulait27 😊 sounds like real progress.

We're also getting there thank you. Our anxious boy is definitely less panicked, and I'm feeling much more love for our boys which had initially evaporated when our baby arrived! They are both gently inquisitive with her and she has started watching and smiling at them which is lovely!

Similarly we will never be posting pictures on Instagram of dog and baby sitting side by side but I can see how life will work with dogs and baby in the house, mostly through practical solutions I think.

One thing which revolutionised life for us pre baby which I thought I'd mention was fitting an outdoor mixer (hot/cold) tap to bath them - no mess in the house as a result and it's an absolute god send now! Will probably be handy to hose the baby off too in time 😂 you can get special mixer taps designed for outdoors which won't freeze. It is so handy.

Really glad things are going better. I'm sure it will be ups and downs as with everything baby related but I'm so pleased for your progress!

Just wanted updates this post in case anyone comes across it in future and say that things are going really well. It seems it just takes time. Things that worked -

-Separating and providing a nice space for dog to go (with his nice comfy bed) it helps that our boy doesn’t have separation anxiety. We separated for anything triggering at first eg crying and feeding which would set our dog off

• room divider. We used a divider across the kitchen that the dog could see through, and opened all doors so he could ‘escape’ to the living room if he wanted. He used to bark and whine and try to get through when the baby cried but after a while he got bored and would wander off
• spend time together when the baby is calm. I would come into the living room where the dog was in his bed and just sit on the sofa with the baby if he was calm and not crying. I would say ‘good boy’ if the dog stayed in his bed and didn’t come over or react. If the dog got excited or baby cried I would just leave the room
• keep the dogs routine the same as much as possible. If we had to change anything we kept it consistent to create a new routine. Dogs like to know what’s coming next
• our dog was triggered by the baby in the pram and would jump up at it. So now when I’m putting the baby in the pram to go out I’ve trained him to sit and wait until the baby is in the pram and I’m ready to go. I would then give him a treat
• were really careful. I’d never leave them together unsupervised and if I know I want to play with the baby at the dogs level I just separate. Our dog then gets a rest
• we started a bedtime routine with our baby early (at 7 weeks) as he had colic but settled well when in his crib. Now our baby is 3 months and goes to bed at 7.30, so we have a few hours baby free where our dog can snuggle with us like he used to in the evening.

I hope this helps people. I’m so glad we didn’t rehome him. It takes time but we’ve now all settled into our new reality.

@Cafeaulait27 can I just say that you sound like a really great dog and baby mummy. You tried really hard to find solutions that work for both your 'babies'. I've nothing else to add. I just wanted to let you know how you come across 😊

@Boohoowhoareyou aww thank you so much, I love them both and I’m a very sensitive person! ❤️❤️❤️

Well done @Cafeaulait27 - we have adopted almost identical strategies to you and have also found life has become manageable again. Totally agree that freeing up the evening with bedtime helps hugely, as does getting comfortable with just keeping them separate as needed. I know we will need to keep adapting and changing things as the baby gets older but I can see how it will hopefully work for us long term now, which is such a relief.