Dog and baby … help

[Cafeaulait27]

Our baby is 6 days old and we’re currently navigating everything that entails, and both myself and my partner are having a bit of the baby blues even though this baby was very much wanted and longed for.

We’ve now got our dog back after he spent the first week with my in laws. He’s a terrier and he is very interested in and barks at the baby, as well as constantly trying to get at him.

We knew it would be like this as he’s very interested in children/animals/everything.

We’re going to try and keep him separate but try to make him still feel special etc by still giving him his regular routine, walks, treats and toys etc. But when the baby cries and he starts barking obviously it’s just really distressing and hard.

I just wondered if anyone has any success stories they could share of babies and dogs where it was a nightmare at first but got better?

I’m terrified this will never get better and that this is just our lives now… please help.

@SundayTwizzle thanks for sharing your experience, glad to hear it’s improving for you. Dogs do adapt so I think I just need to hang in there.

I do wish our dog was scared of the baby and noises rather than so interested/barking/trying to get at the baby. We could cope with a dog that runs away from the noise much easier than one that runs towards it! Hopefully it’ll sort itself out soon x

The problem with terriers is they are really attracted to the noise a rabbit makes when its dying. Make a long kissing noise on the back of your hand in front of a terrier and see what it does. That's the same noise pretty much.

Newborns make similar little squeaks and gurgles and thats why a terrier should never be left with a newborn. I have 2 (now elderly) Jack Russells who have killed billions of small furry things over the years (they are working farm dogs). They were incredibly interested in my newborns, but as soon as they realised they were part of the family they couldn't have cared less to be honest and would bugger off upstairs and burrow into one of our beds for the day instead. It takes a lot of time and patience and effort on your part though, to keep things safe.

@Pippyweather totally agree with you - we understand that terriers just aren’t like other dogs and the way he gets excited and interested when he hears our baby is exactly like he would when he hears an animal. We will never leave him unattended with the baby and just hoping where we can get to a point where they can be in the same room without him barking and jumping up. Fingers crossed we’ll get there. Really glad to hear your success story - thank you. How long would you say it took for your dogs to lose interest? xx

There is a really good dog behaviourist called cordial canines they're on Facebook. My dog barked at the baby once when she was fist born as I think he was a bit unsure of what the noise was but he is good as good with her now. I used to have a Moses basket downstairs so I could put her in and he couldn't get to her. He's a very big dog also so my worry was his clumsiness!! Your sog will get used to the baby and the new smells and noises he just needs to know where he stands in the pecking order now he's probably a little confused of his place?

@Pippyweather thank you. How long did it take for things to improve for you? We’re 10 days in and it’s chaos, when the baby makes any kind of noise our dog whines and barks and tries to get to him.

@Jopq89 thank you, how did you manage to get to this point?

Feels like a nightmare right now 😔

It took a while a good prop I was told to use was a lucozade sports bottle filled with water when he barked or get too excited I squirted him with it you have to mop up a bit but it's a way of telling them with out raising your voice and upsetting the baby also I only used it a few times now I just have to reach near the bottle and he knows!! I would deffo recommend getting in touch with cordial canines though Courtney is so good and knows dogs inside out. Hope you get it fixed xxx

It’s now been 10 days and we feel like if anything it’s getting worse… he tries to jump over the divider we have to get to the baby and cries and barks constantly.

We love him so much and said we would never rehome him, but my mum suggested it last night and it’s really upset me. I feel like there’s no hope right now 💔💔💔

I’m going to buy some kongs today and hopefully we can try throwing these down to stop the barking when the baby cries, and hopefully eventually he will make positive associations? Also calling some behaviourists too.

I feel like I’m living a nightmare 😭

Regime the dog.

Rehome

Sorry to hear progress is slow @Cafeaulait27. Did you have any joy with a behaviourist? My mums dog is a Jack Russell and was the same around our daughter to start with but has got better. I personally would try and avoid punishing techniques as this might make him form a negative association with the baby. Different trainers will say different things though and will be able to advise better on the appropriateness of them I'm sure.

Our anxious boy is slowly calming but god it's slow progress! Still rushes to her/me if she cries, barks sometimes, and generally seems to be in a heightened state of anxiety when we're in the house. Poor boy. I'm going to ask the behaviourist we've used before to come and visit and advise if things aren't better in a few more weeks I think as it upsets me to see him like this.

I don’t have dogs but the idea of bringing a newborn home and having something there that sees her as prey has absolutely chilled me to the bone. I can’t imagine the anxiety and vulnerability of the postpartum period being exacerbated by having an animal in the house that would attack the baby without your constant vigilance. It would have had an extremely detrimental effect on my mental health and there is no way I could have withstood it. OP, your mental health and your baby’s survival is more important than a dog so please don’t feel guilty at the prospect of rehoming if the dog is a danger to the baby. I couldn’t live in a house with a constant threat of danger and just hope that a behaviourist could sort it out - the idea of it is making me feel panicky. It feels like you’re describing living on a knife’s edge - I couldn’t do it and would never judge a new mother for not being able to do it either. The poster talking about the dog seeing the baby as a squirrel - it’s absolutely horrifying. I get that this isn’t the dog’s fault but the baby’s life and mother’s wellbeing has to take priority.

So sorry @Cafeaulait27 I didn't see your latest post when I wrote mine. It sounds incredibly stressful and I can understand your despair. I would get a consultation with a behaviourist ASAP as they really might be able to help but the sooner you get them involved the better. It sounds like what you are doing isn't working so professional advice is needed. Rehoming is of course an option but I really would get advice first.

Just to add. It doesn't sound to me like your dog is wanting to attack your baby, as some posters are suggesting. It sounds like he is stressed by her presence and noise and wanting to investigate. Have you had concerns he might attack? And is he usually aggressive? If not, this hopefully might be a salvageable situation with training and behaviour management 🤞 definitely get professional advice. I really hope they can help.

Hi @MGee123 thank you - it’s not so much that he’s being aggressive, he’s not at all, he is just excited by him. But I feel like that means he is thinking the baby is a toy/creature to play with and that’s what scares me. If we can get him to calm down and be less interested in the baby that would be great but at the moment he’s so overly interested and I just don’t think he understands what the baby is and that it would be wrong to ‘play’ with it.

Agreed on he behaviourist, I haven’t contacted any yet as a friend was supposed to be giving me some recommendations but hasn’t yet. I will call some this morning.

I’m so desperate for this to work out but I’m having this horrible sinking feeling that it won’t. I’ve not been able to sleep all night for worrying and googling. I just wish this wasn’t happening

@NoOtherShadeOfBlue I know, it’s heartbreaking 💔 I just wish this hadn’t happened this way. I wish he could be calm and not interested like everyone else’s dogs seem to be 😭

All these people saying rehome are being so cruel. I’m not suggesting you put the dogs needs before your baby but you made a commitment to a living animal, I don’t think it’s right to consider discarding him because he’s behaving the way he’s programmed to. I know a lot of couples with dogs who’ve made it work with a new baby (some needed behaviourists, others did training online and some did have to permanently reconfigure living arrangements). I think you’ll feel terrible if you don’t exhaust every available option first. Also the first 12 weeks of having a newborn are so so intense. Try not to make any decisions before then.

Is he getting enough exercise? And are you rewarding ‘calm’? positively.com/contributors/teaching-your-dog-calmness-focus/

Honestly, I don't think everyone's dogs are calm and not interested, especially to start with - you probably see other dogs out and about mostly when they will be much calmer anyway as the environment is less pressured! Some adjustment time is normal and he just needs some help getting there.

I was the same with the sinking feeling, catastrophising and constant googling. Our situation has really improved but I still have a wobble from time to time feeling it will never work. Are you doing anything to help with your anxiety about it? I've been using headspace which has helped me feel calmer and I use the strategies when I start feeling overwhelmed by it all.

The fact that he isn't aggressive is a huge positive. Hopefully with some training/behaviour management he can learn to calm down around the baby. Then strategies/house configuration etc may help you feel more confident having him around. I really do feel your pain, I was so distressed the first 4-6 weeks feeling it would never work. We're now 10 weeks in and I can see the improvement. Hope you get some professional advice soon x

Oh, I thought the dog seeing the baby as prey image meant it was being aggressive - I thought you meant it was trying to attack the baby and couldn’t imagine anything more stressful than bringing a newborn home, to your safe sanctuary, and it being a predator-prey situation. It still sounds exhausting and very hard to deal with but perhaps not what I assumed when I read that. Why has your mum suggested rehoming? Is she concerned?

Bless you!! Rehoming should be very last option things will honestly get better I think with the right guidance you will be fine!! He's not trying to get to the baby in a vicious way is he you can buy extra tall gate for doors he will get used to it it's all new for everyone involved!!! Xxx

@MGee123 thank you, I hope we get there. Spoke to a behaviourist on the phone this morning who said basically the dog thinks it’s a new puppy and he’s reacting in a natural way. He’s alerting us to the noise when he hears it as he doesn’t know any different. He said to try to distract with treats and reward calm behaviour etc. We’re going to try our best to do this, I’m off to the pet shop now actually.

@NoOtherShadeOfBlue well the thing is just because he’s not being aggressive doesn’t mean he wouldn’t attack the baby. Terriers have an instinct to go for things that make small animal noises like this. It doesn’t make him a bad dog it’s just his instinct. Like when terriers kill rats etc they just think it’s a game, it doesn’t come from aggression. It’s hard but it’s something we have to accept. I think my mum is worried if a mistake was made like a gate left open etc and what if our dog got to him and something happened. We don’t know what he would do but it’s a possibility his instinct would take over 😞

Hello there. We now have a five-year-old but when she was a baby we had a Staffordshire bull terrier. He was the best dog ever but when she arrived was behaving very much like your dog. We were told about a plug-in you can buy from the vets and some tablets you gave them for 48 hours something to do with pheromones the mother dogs give off when they are puppies, anyway literally the plug-in and the tablets for those first two days after that the dog was absolutely fine and they were best buddies

@babasaclover

Hello there. We now have a five-year-old but when she was a baby we had a Staffordshire bull terrier. He was the best dog ever but when she arrived was behaving very much like your dog. We were told about a plug-in you can buy from the vets and some tablets you gave them for 48 hours something to do with pheromones the mother dogs give off when they are puppies, anyway literally the plug-in and the tablets for those first two days after that the dog was absolutely fine and they were best buddies

www.adaptil.com/uk

NoOtherShadeOfBlue well the thing is just because he’s not being aggressive doesn’t mean he wouldn’t attack the baby. Terriers have an instinct to go for things that make small animal noises like this. It doesn’t make him a bad dog it’s just his instinct. Like when terriers kill rats etc they just think it’s a game, it doesn’t come from aggression. It’s hard but it’s something we have to accept. I think my mum is worried if a mistake was made like a gate left open etc and what if our dog got to him and something happened. We don’t know what he would do but it’s a possibility his instinct would take over

I think that you just have to be super vigilant and make sure that LO is alone with DDog for a few years.

You've had some great advice on here already though, like putting in stair gates and giving him a Kong (behind the gate) when you feed.

As for the behaviourist, have you contacted a breed specific rescue? Not with a view to rehoming, but lots of breed specific rescues can off behaviour therapy or out you in touch with a behaviourist who has experience with your breed.

Congratulations on your new LO as well abs I hope your anxiety starts to subside

@babasaclover @NoSquirrels thank you!