My HV phoned me this morning

[milliec]

Message withdrawn

she sounds bonkers.
Like someone from 1955.....or something.

Totally weird! This must vary a lot from one area to another. Dd is 2.5 and we haven't seen a HV since she was 6 mo old. No-one has ever suggested we need to.

Sounds barmy to me. I would just ignore her - or ring the surgery and ask about their policy (some areas recommend a 2-yr check-up, maybe that's what this is about).

Oh no, I've told mine to sod off too. In fact I moved GP practices to get away from mine she drove me barmy!

You have no legal or moral obligation to see them in fact most of them are so busy they don't get a chance to ring round chasing people.

Mine called after I took DD to casualty - she fell over - ostensibly to check she was all right, but really to see why she hadn't seen her for five months. (She's 13 months now). I said I'd come in sometime and haven't felt the need to go since so.....

I know for a fact though it says in my medical notes that I haven't been despite saying I would go because I saw the note onscreen the other day. Cowbag!

Barking. Ignore her.

ds hasn't been seen since 18m. He's 5 in February and starting school next term. I've even had to phone to arrange his MMR cos he wasn't invited. So I'm guessing your HV has no requirement to see your dd. IMO Don't feel bullied into going unless there's anything you want checking out.

bloody hv's and there crapola advice grrr

im sure you must be within your rights to say, i have no worries about dc health whatso ever so theres no point coming in

Ask to have it put on your record you no longer wish to have contact with the HV. Then complain if she contacts you again.

Well done for speaking your mind to her!!!

Yes, when I moved to a new area, I met the HV who'd come in for a nose at the local toddler group. She then took my details, and rang me twice to ask if everything was all right and to remind me that I could bring ds to see her any time. She didn't demand to know why I wasn't bringing him, but the implication was that I was a bit odd for not needing her.
THen when I moved again, she got my address from my MIL and contacted the HVs in what she thought was the surgery nearest me (it wasn't) and they came to visit unannounced.

I am not that comfortable with all of this (particularly because I just don't rate HVs as a source of help and it's embarrassing to have a conversation with them whilst simultaneously thinking they are crap) but on the other hand, I hope that if they are doing this for me, they will also be doing this for children who are at risk in some way.

TBH I don't understand what HVs want from us.
If I have a child whom I am confident is healthy and developing normally - why the hell should I bother a hcp at all?

I think you handled it brilliantly. And I like ChristmasseyHarrisey's advice. I have only taken DD to the HVs twice and both times for a specific reason. I just don't see the point otherwise. Aren't the HVs better off spending their time with parents and children who really need their support rather than on the perfectly healthy children whose parents are coping?

I dread to think how I'd react if they started hounding me. Not with your composure certainly.

yep, ive had similar calls.

in fact, once, she called and was informed that i was sleeping (having a well earned and needed napconsidering i had 2 v small dc and was pg). she told my mum, who had answered the phone, to wake me up! my mum, who is no shrinking violet, thought she sounded so authoritive and serious, that she did!! i was then subjected to a call much like yours this morning.

do we have the same one??

i think mine has retired now as i finally had a call from a new one recently and was so relieved i 'allowed' her to come round and do her chart whatnots with ds3.

i could never understand why the silly woman take herself off where she was wanted/needed instead of ramming dodgy advice down my neck

When i had dd1 the HV at the time insisted she come once a week for first 6 weeks!! Little did i know this wasnt standard practice
This time DD2 had one visit from HV when MW left, then asked me if i wanted her to come the next week to weigh DD2 (she was little at birth), and then said did i want to see her again, or was i happy to come to her if i needed
I know our HV arrange to see all new mums about 12 weeks post as by this time any sign of PND should have come up, and they like to help if they can.
You dont have to see HV, they have no right to demand you do. If you dont need them why see them??
She cant have a lot to do if shes ringing demanding people come! Sounds odd to me,

There seems to be lots of knee jerk indignation, anger and disgust about this. However, what would be said if you had been suffering with undiagnosed PND and harmed your baby when the health visitor hadn't seen you or lo for that long? Public out cry of 'why has no one contacted the family?' would be said, who was caring for said child. HV are there for the childs protection and one of the first rules as such is the need to be suspicious/ cautious when children are not brought for checks.
There are standard developmental checks at 2, 3 and 4yrs which it is in the childs interest to have done.
As a CM I see parents who view there child as having normal development. One particular child is almost 3 and hardly speaks, cannot put 2 words together, doesn't interact well, is still on daytime bottles, extremely constipated and on constant laxatives. The mother is in denial that anything is wrong This child needs your HV.

PS lisa it is standard practice in most areas to visit new mums for the first 6 weeks, once per week.

actually i did have undiagnosed pnd and my persistant HV did bugger all to help that.

i am all for HV's helping where they are needed. however forcing their unwanted, outdated and opinions on me and my perfectly healthy children is clearly a waste of time and resources. and like i said, the new, more sensitive, rational and clearly much better trained and intelligent HV had and has my full cooperation.

i think people on this thread are reacting to bad HV's, of which there are sadly far too many. there are, of course, good ones too. and many children who badly need their attention.

Maybe HVs have been given a new government target to chase up all families in their area. Or it could be to do with the new children's database; the government has put all the details of our children on this massive database so they can track them. Without any public debate as to whether we want Big Brother watching over our kids. The history of this sort of authoritarian measure is that they start with something that seems benign, then tighten it up. In a couple of years, it will be an offence not to allow your HV to come round and obey her orders... certainly enough to trigger a SS case conference. The original proposals said two 'flags' on the system would be enough to do this.

It's the national ID card database by stealth, starting with kids. In the name of poor Victoria Climbie - who was actually left to die by rank incompetence, not lack of IT facilities.

My health visitor was lovely. Really helpful, never judgemental and always at the end of the phone. If DS ever had to see the out of hours doctor, she phoned the next morning to ask how hge was.

I took him to the local baby weighing clinic when he was about 18months. I hadn't had him weighed in about 6 months due to work and nursery commitments (similar to original poster). It wasn't my health visitor but a horrible woman that saw him. DS didn't eat well and was a little under weight. He's a happy, active boy who's content. I asked her advice and she told me to force him to drink milk, eat cheese etc. I told her I'd tried and he didn't like them. Everything else she suggested, I tried. She then phoned my health visitor, insulted her about her level of care, demanded a referral to the pediatric dietician and asked for social services to be informed. I left in tears with ds uspset because 'the lady told me off'.

When I got home, my health visitor came to see me and told me she was pleased with DS and enouraged me to complain. I did and that woman never laid eyes on my son again. My health visitor also complained of her treatment of me.

Some are nice and helpful and others put the job to shame.

My DS1 was born at 29 weeks and was a twin (unfortunately we lost his twin at birth), and weighed 2lb 11oz. When he came out of hospital after 8 weeks and weighing 3lb 15oz, the hv finally came to see us 4 days later and demanded to know why I had taken MY child out in public, when he was so small - the drs at the hospital were happy for him to go home and to go out. I was made to go and get him weighed every week by her, even though he was under the hospital due to being a prem. I turned up for his 8mth check (I was already pregnant with DS2) with her to find that she had been suspended due to complaints by other parents. DS2 was born when DS1 was 14months I was no longer scared of HV and DS2 was weighed a couple of times and that was it, he has had his injections done by the practise sister who knows and respects that even now there is a new HV that I have never met, I will not go to a HV.
I'm sure there are some nice professional HV, but my experience and friends experience of them is that they can be busy bodies who think they are the law.

Yes, Tori, but if my CM had flagged up a concern I'd have been concerned. My HV knew sweet FA. And seemed remarkably unconcerned about my own previous history of depression.

DD2 never went to any of those checkups. Precisely because her very experienced CM has never suggested anything was to worry about.

Ignore her and contact the practice to say you don't want her to contact you.

Dd is 4 and hasn't seen a hv since she was about 3 months old.

daft bint. that attitude isn't going to make you want to come and see her is it? nothing wrong with a general "are you all getting along OK, I still exist if you do want to speak to me" type query to her caseload.

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AFAIK there is a check-up at 8m, the one at 2 years is totally optional because they don't have the resources to do it, and there's MMR somewhere around 3.5/4.
At no point have I been advised there are yearly check-ups.
In our area if was standard practice to see the parents about 3 weeks after the birth, then see the mother and baby at the early inoculations. No question of weekly visits for the first 6 weeks. TBH they might have been quite welcome, those visits, at that point.

We had a very brief check-up with our gp at 8 mo but there has been no mention of any follow-up at 2 yrs (or any other time) and dd is now 2.5.