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Parenting

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Original poster

take them away - I don't want to be a mum any more...

26 replies

tartanchatterbox · 08/12/2007 17:32

Is anybody there? I am not very good at this talk thing and want to start talk to someone.
I have a soon to be eight year old who is just jekyll & hyde
I also have a 6yo, 3yo and nearly 2 yr old and am an absolute mess.
Hubby is away for the weekend and I am in tears every half hour shouting at them. Worse still he's bringing up very old fashioned grandma and uncle to stay for a few days. I have been cleaning and hoovering, but the kids just keep mucking it up again.
My 8 y o girl won't tidy her room and the 3yr old has just thrown at her all whole packet of dates around the GOOD living room.
Add to this that I have just come back from TESCO - nightmare trip with four kids- which ended with youngest walloping me 3 times on the head with toy telephone putting him into the carseat!
I honestly think TAKE THEM AWAY!!!!!! I have made a huge mistake having so many children and want to leave. I am so tired...

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

belgo · 08/12/2007 17:36

not surprised you're tired! sounds like your kids are well, just like kids - and a real handful at times!

I know it's easier said then done, but don't worry about cleaning and tidying for the grandma and uncle - just let them think whatever they like.

paulaplumpbottom · 08/12/2007 17:37

Sorry you've had a rough day. Put tehmtobed early

belgo · 08/12/2007 17:39

maybe get a lock for your good living room?

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WideWebWitch · 08/12/2007 17:39

No wonder you're knackered, consider the circs:

4 children. That alone would defeat many of us
No-one there to help. Ditto
Imminent arrival of someone who will create more work (I'm guessing)

What needs doing most? Do they need calming down? Is there more house stuff to do? Would it be worth just doing something nice together, like all getting into bed and having a cuddle?

And you need to shop online, really.

belgo · 08/12/2007 17:40

online shopping - good idea

WideWebWitch · 08/12/2007 17:40

Can you put on some loud music and all dance?
That defuses things in our house sometimes

WideWebWitch · 08/12/2007 17:42

3 and 2yo, can you find them something absorbing to do? Colouring? Playing with dollies/something new? (have you got a Christmas present you could produce now that woulsd buy you some peace.

Bribe the older ones to do what needs doing or to supervise the others.

Get them all bathed and in pyjamas

order a take away

I think that's what I'd do anyway.

YuleLoveHekateAtSolstice · 08/12/2007 17:43

Poor you. Sympathies. It sounds like you are at screaming point.

Sadly, kids can sense this and the more wound up you get, the more their behaviour deteriorates. Which is the last thing you need when you're stressed out!

Bugger the cleaning. You are only one person and you can only do so much. If they are that bothered when they get there - pass them a duster!

Agree that putting them to bed early is a good idea, and sit with your feet up and a glass of wine and relax.

Sometimes it is just so overwhelming, isn't it?

Original poster

tartanchatterbox · 08/12/2007 17:43

I know i just ran out of food I have been putting the shopping off for so long!
I stupidly thought that it might be easier to talke them tothe cafe for lunch- my toddler din't think so and refused point blank to go into a highchair (he's got a nasty temper and weighed 2 and a half stone when he was 14 months!)
By the end of the supermarket trip the girls had a hairpulling argument complete with shrieks (8 yo & 3 yo) fighting over the chairs ar the side I sent them to.[angry}

OP posts:

WideWebWitch · 08/12/2007 17:45

I can imagine it seemed like a good idea at the time!

I think you need to do whatever it takes to get through today.

So bribe the older ones
Get them worn out (dancing?)
Bath and pyjamas
bed for them, wine for you (if you drink)

Original poster

tartanchatterbox · 08/12/2007 17:49

Is it a bad thing to shove them in front of the telly? That is when the date-throwing incident occurred... but they are in separate rooms now.
I have opened grandma's box of quality streets and am consoling myself - and giving energy. I never comfort eat - but it really DOES work {blush}
I feel better knowing that someone else is there.

I rang best buddy and her mum is driving her up the wall - dontcha just love the festive season!

Her worries are worse than mine - her dog just mauled the kitten and emergency trip to vet for operation.
I didn't want to burst into tears on the phone to her....

OP posts:

WideWebWitch · 08/12/2007 17:51

No, I think telly may well be called for. Have you got a film or something they can all watch? on condition they're all in pyjamas first. I would.

santaslittlepeatbogelf · 08/12/2007 17:52

Tartan, I've only ever done two weekends on my own with my 3, and I barely survived, so no wonder you're fed up.

You're probably in the middle of the tea/bath/bed nightmare. Perhaps let them all run screaming round the house for 10 minutes in their pyjamas (I usually tell mine they've got to race up and down stairs), and they'll hopefully exhaust themselves. Then just keep thinking about the HUUUUUUUGE drink you can pour yourself when everyone's in bed.

Original poster

tartanchatterbox · 08/12/2007 18:07

I don't believe what just happened. I gave the little one a chocolate each from the box beside me because they have been well-behaved for 20 minutes The eldest then snuck into the kitchen and opened the OTHER box - meant for my buddy who has the poorly kitten and her birthday - and took some sweets. I can't believe she opened it and spent the last 5 minutes ranting at her.
She is now preparing dinner (cheese & ham croissants) at her suggestion!

OP posts:

Original poster

tartanchatterbox · 08/12/2007 18:14

Does tiredness make you emotionally unstabe after post natal. It has been so long since I have had normal emotions. I feel very depressed and angry. Could it just be tiredness?
I am now worried at the effect my emotions are having on the kids. I shout til I cry and that can't be good for them. The eldest flinches and I hate that. There is a huge different between respect and fear.
She is right to fear me - i feel like picking her up and shaking her and I suppose it shows.. It is over v quickly, but I just hate that look and I know its me.
i feel like a failure...I want to enjoy being with them all at once, bu the vie for my attention negatively.

OP posts:

ScottishMummy · 08/12/2007 18:19

tartanchatterbox blimey hen you deserve a medalsuch hard work. you are human you are V Tired, you have had a rough day.Bet You are a fantastic mum - you just don't feel it at the mo. get the wee ones down - have a treat

tomorrow is a new day

santaslittlepeatbogelf · 08/12/2007 18:40

Yes, tiredness can definitely make you 'unstable'! I had post-natal depression after dd2 and 3, and I reckon the tiredness was 70% of the problem. I would also get very angry with dd1 and 2 - and then feel awful.

Do you have a nice GP you could talk to about how you're feeling? I realise the next few days you probably won't have the time - but after granny and uncle have gone?

SpacePuppy · 08/12/2007 18:57

Could you be having a bit of winter blues? I think as soon as the cavalry returns (dp, mil etc.) it will get better, just think of it where you'll be in 24hours!

WideWebWitch · 08/12/2007 20:16

Hi
Yes tiredness can make you half mad imo
I think you need to tell your dh how overwhemlmed you feel and consider whether you think this is caused by your life and stress or whether you think you're depresses. We all shout sometimes (well, i do) but to do it very often and so you scare them isn't a good thing and I think you could do with some support with it so here, your dh, your mil and maybe your gp.

Doodledootoo · 08/12/2007 20:20

Message withdrawn

Cakeface123 · 08/12/2007 20:42

I think you definately need to look after yourself somehow. Talking ALWAYS helps - if this isn't just a bad day and it's been building up talk to your hubby and gp. I only have one toddler at the mo but expecting another and am prone to depression so god knows what I'd be like with 4!?

You're doing the best you can - try not to be hard on yourself. It sounds like you need as much support as you can get. If they are going to stress you out more and not help with anything then cancel the visitors. Your sanity is more important!

earthmummy · 08/12/2007 21:14

I really feel for you.

Get a copy of Disney's Dinosaurs and watch an episode before grandma comes round. That always cheers me up!

NorthernLurkerwithastarontop · 08/12/2007 21:25

Have things calmed down a bit now?
I have a couple of suggestions for you:

Never shout at your children in public - I started this when my eldest was going through a difficult toddler time and I felt crap about myself. Reasoned that if I never shouted at them when we were out and about that was 30-50% of the time when I wasn't evil shouting mummy. It was tough though - I remember singing with them on the bus as the only way to distract them and stop myself from snarling. An old lady said ' oh it's so nice to see a mother and children getting on so well' - if only she knew....
Only take soft toys out with you and you toddler - then when he hits you over the head - it won't hurt, you won't react - and he will stop doing it in time.
Your eldest obviously likes cooking - get her to do that more - show her how to make toast etc. You can praise her for this and it will be free you up to do the stuff she won't - like the tidying. In an ideal world of course she would do both - but as that's v unlikely to happen - pick your battles and put yourself in situations you can win!

Go forward from this day and kick some mothering butt! They love you very very much you know

mylittleponey · 08/12/2007 21:30

It's hard work - sometimes tv can help. Put on a relaxing & engaging programme & go & have a cup of tea or phone a friend

madamez · 08/12/2007 21:35

Poor you. Can you get your DH/DP to take over for an afternoon/evening very soon, and go out of the house to do something that you enjoy (swim, shop, see a film, meet a friend or even just walk around alone for a while). Every parent needs a little bit of time for pure selfish pleasure, every week at least.

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