People keep calling DD small

[Snickers94]

...and it's getting to me. She was born at 6lb7oz at 38 weeks and is nearly 4 months, and today I got a comment from someone that she must not have grown much since she was born. She looks completely different and has grown so much bigger since then and got little rolls too, she's doubled her birth weight but family members say she's small like it's a bad thing. I've had a lot of issues with feeding her and the pressure of people saying she is small and "hopefully will get bigger" made me pressure HER to drink more milk leading to a bottle aversion. Thankfully I realised what I was doing and corrected it and now she eats again, albeit taking about 4oz every 2.5-3 hours.

We get a lot of compliments about her being beautiful etc but the "too small" comments really get to me. Please don't tell me I'm being silly because it does upset me when people say this as it makes me feel as though I'm doing something wrong or that my baby doesn't have the "desirable" shape. Who knew babies had a beauty standard too. Anyway I don't even know why I'm posting I guess I just wanted to rant.

I get told the opposite that my kids are too big 🤷‍♀️ You can’t win either way, imo small is normally meant as a positive thing or in a good way so are you sure they mean it in a negative way and you don’t just feel sensitive about it?

Yes, the culture I'm from fat babies are healthy babies are babies who aren't as fat need to eat more. But when you're an adult no one will hesitate you that you need to eat less if you're even a pound overweight lol. Welcome to South Asians!

People are just looking for something to say because babies are incredibly boring. Size, shape, clothes. I mean, what else is there? It's not like they're scaling the North face I'd Everest or reading Dostoyevsky.

I'd have a think why you care so much about what randoms say, probably without thinking at all, that you'd affect your behaviour.

I'm going to assume you've had/have anxiety.

As soon as you become a parent everyone has an opinion. 'She's so small', if she were a few pounds more 'oh She's a bonny wee thing' or ' ooh she looks like she eats well'. Half the time actually nothing is meant by it.....so try not to listen......the other half the time something is meant by it but the person saying it has no idea of context....so still pay no attention. Learn some basic replies....'she is isn't she' to agree with whatever they say. Or 'we're just happy She's healthy'......or whatever you choose. Sometimes others will just be voicing their own insecurities about their own child. Really let it all run off you.

Yes I do have anxiety, health related, which is medicated.

My first looks too thin at just shy of 3 but that's what happens when youre born on the 50th centile for weight and 97th for height. My second is 97th on both, currently 5months and in 12-18 month clothing.

People are going to judge and make comments regardless of the size of your perfect little baby. I say you let it all go, sit back, relax and enjoy your little girl.

@Snickers94

Yes I do have anxiety, health related, which is medicated.

So please treat this as a symptom and look after yourself.

Being a mum is eternal judging, regardless of culture, age, geography. It unites us

I am trying to, I love everything about her I just hate how family feel the need to comment about how "hopefully she will get bigger" etc

Like obviously she will get bigger she's freaking 3 months old and even if she's skin and bone that's my problem not yours.

I found the opposite reaction. My DD was a similar size and everyone was fascinated by how “diddy” and “delicate looking” she was. I’d smile and say something along lines of “she’s not too small, she’s perfectly healthy thankfully”. Tell close people it annoys you though so they can stop saying it if they are doing so without realising it’s upsetting you.

Hey OP I know exactly how you feel coming from a South Asian background too. You’re absolutely right about the hypocrisy, for kids bigger is better but God forbid if you’re even slightly overweight as an adult. I hate it and have experienced similar comments about DS1 in relation to his height even though he is average height for his age. I even had someone say that their baby could eat mine up because of the supposed size difference. How terrible is that! And me being me I just sat there and didn’t say anything back. Now I speak up and just say well all kids are different just like all adults are.

As others have said some people can’t help themselves and will find anything to comment on, whether it’s size, looks, how soon they start walking, talking etc. Some people have this stupid notion that everything has to be a competition and a comparison. I find the best thing to do is to ignore or just use the blanket statement I mentioned before that all kids are different and even out with each other in the end!

I guess different cultures are different, mainly within my group bigger babies are seen as negative, I remember my sister saying she will ask to be induced at 38 weeks because she doesn’t want a big baby 🙄 my son was born 10lbs 4 and I had nothing but negative comments how huge he was even my mums friend though it was ok to tell me I must be like a bucket now 😑 smaller babies are seen as cuter as they are tiny, so some people will comment either way.

family feel the need to comment about how "hopefully she will get bigger" etc
Surely nobody has actually said that?!

Elopelo - really nice to hear from someone who's had similar type comments from the same background. I feel like unless you're in the situation it's hard to know how frustrating it can be

And unfortunately someone did actually say that. And not just one person. Usually it's like "oh don't worry I'm sure she will get bigger" like I wasn't worrying until you said that but ok

I may just have to nip it in the bud though as I wouldn't want the same family members to comment on her size as she's growing up - I know too well how it can impact body image later in life. Part of the reason why I have so many anxiety issues I suspect.

@TurnUpTurnip - I can't believe someone would say that to you, how rude!! I would be mega annoyed at that too. And it is weird how these things work isn't it. I think if a baby was BORN big people would comment but if they put on weight to be big then that would be seen as healthy because apparently it seems you can't thrive if you're under 75th percentile.

@MrsTerryPratchett

People are just looking for something to say because babies are incredibly boring. Size, shape, clothes. I mean, what else is there? It's not like they're scaling the North face I'd Everest or reading Dostoyevsky.

I'd have a think why you care so much about what randoms say, probably without thinking at all, that you'd affect your behaviour.

I'm going to assume you've had/have anxiety.

What a weird take. Most adults haven’t scaled Everest or read Dostoyevsky either, and aren’t considered irredeemably boring for it.

I know that on mumsnet it’s terribly fashionable to go on about how babies are soooooo boring and to pretend that any adult other than the parent forced to spend more than a minute in the presence of a baby is on the brink of expiring from sheer tedium, but in my experience that simply isn’t the case in real life. I’m genuinely interested in and delighted by my nephews, and my family love, cherish and enjoy my baby. I believe this is actually the case in most families.

OP - I totally understand your frustrations. My baby is at the other end of the scale and even though he’s perfectly proportioned (and even though you would expect him to be tall because my husband and I are both over 6ft) I get lots of comments about how huge he is, what a bruiser etc. He eats well and it drives me mad when people comment on how much he eats - he’s a baby! Let him get on with it!

I just politely and calmly shut it down every time. I have built up some good stock phrases for this:

‘Our health visitor / GP isn’t concerned about his weight’

‘He is gaining weight at the appropriate rate’

‘He eats the right amount for his age and size’

‘We aren’t concerned about this’

‘We’re pleased with his development’

Just keep it really bland and factual and people soon realise they’re being unhelpful / rude.

I had the same OP. I hated it. I also had anxiety and felt very judged. And like I was failing somehow coz my baby was small. People are weird about small babies.

I get told my 4 year old is small.

The other day someone asked me if he was 2

It makes me feel awful

My little boy was smaller than other babies and toddlers and now is a small boy . If you look at me and his dad you can see why . When people comment I just shrug my shoulders and say well look at us , he's hardly going to be a giant is he.
People say the stupidest things they really do , dont worry about it.

I’m genuinely interested in and delighted by my nephews

How fun for you. But my point is, what is there actually to talk about that's not contentious when they're small? Food is a no no for many reasons. Sleep, I would have murdered you and anyone who suggested anything around sleep. Size and shape is out, referencing this thread. What else is there? Mum recovering from birth? No thanks.

What can you actually say? I was being facetious about Dostoyevsky (I thought that was obvious) but even a 3 yo, "nice t shirt, you like unicorns then?"

People always seem to have an opinion when they are babies.

I had people telling me mine was tiny for her age and then someone else saying she was huge on the same day. My best advice is to smile or laugh it off, then ignore them and carry on as you were. You know she is growing just fine and that is all that matters

I got comments like this a lot with DS because people were judging me for breastfeeding (I don’t come from a supportive family at all). The comments only stopped when it became really clear, a few months in, that he was the tallest baby our family had produced to date; but that was down to individuals’ insecurity rather than any remorse. He is still a really slim but ridiculously tall toddler. Hopefully he will begin evening out as he gets older.

What percentile is she on in her red book? Presuming it’s still a red book?!
Also found here. www.rcpch.ac.uk/resources/uk-who-growth-charts-0-4-years

I’d check she’s ok and following the same line (give or take), and then you know she’s ok. And then you can tell everyone she’s fine and look at them like they’re being weird.

Sometimes people forget what size babies are meant to be. They just haven’t seen one for a while and they need to comment that she’s either big or small. There’s not much else to say!

Honestly you will be laughing to yourself in a few years if you remember this, just be happy this is the thing keeping you up at night.

Maybe it's time to practice a few replies to these ridiculous comments.

Them "hopefully they'll get bigger"
You (laughing) "well yes, I don't know many 20 year olds who are this size"

I'm sorry you're having to deal with this.

I think sometimes people just say this stuff for something to say. It’s annoying though. It’s like when you’re pregnant and people feel the need to comment on how big/small/high/low your bump is.
People used to comment that DD was small when she was a baby, even though she always measured on 75th centile. I always used to say ‘oh do you think so, she’s measuring large actually’.