People keep calling DD small

[Snickers94]

...and it's getting to me. She was born at 6lb7oz at 38 weeks and is nearly 4 months, and today I got a comment from someone that she must not have grown much since she was born. She looks completely different and has grown so much bigger since then and got little rolls too, she's doubled her birth weight but family members say she's small like it's a bad thing. I've had a lot of issues with feeding her and the pressure of people saying she is small and "hopefully will get bigger" made me pressure HER to drink more milk leading to a bottle aversion. Thankfully I realised what I was doing and corrected it and now she eats again, albeit taking about 4oz every 2.5-3 hours.

We get a lot of compliments about her being beautiful etc but the "too small" comments really get to me. Please don't tell me I'm being silly because it does upset me when people say this as it makes me feel as though I'm doing something wrong or that my baby doesn't have the "desirable" shape. Who knew babies had a beauty standard too. Anyway I don't even know why I'm posting I guess I just wanted to rant.

My dh is Sri Lankan and our babies have been 'small'. In fact, my DD was on second centile and the health visitor had to monitor her, despite being born quite little too. She stayed petite, wearing clothes up to 3 years before her age (very slim but not skinny) till she was 11, then bam, caught up to her peers! She is still slim at 13 but is now wearing clothes for her actual age which still shocks me when I go shopping and I'm not getting smaller clothes for her! She's gorgeous and always has been so don't worry what anyone says. Baby days will go and she'll be 13 and starting her period so just enjoy this special, wonderful time. (Ps. Her brother was similar but not quite as petite as he was taller. Trousers have always been a bit of a nightmare.

Completely understand, I have the opposite but because my son is big, people just feel the need to comment and unfortunately this also happens as life progresses about being fat, thin, tall, small 🙄
My window cleaner told me I would need to get a 2nd job to be able to feed my son 🧐

I have two daughters both born around 39 weeks and 6lb 6oz & 6lb 7oz.
Both were small (but perfectly formed!) and never really grew fast & it meant that I saved a fortune on baby clothes!! Both due to different reasons under consultant paediatrician (not due to size!) meet their targets and healthy babies! Lots of comments saying how little they where when each was a baby! Why anyone feels the need to pass comments!!

My eldest has always been on the shorter side and petite she is now 18 5ft 4inch and size 3.5 feet!! You would think my second daughter being the similar weight at birth and following the same weight/growth etc would be similar….nope she is 12 already the same height as her sister and size 5 feet!

Genetics - my eldest seems to take after my husband Grandma and my youngest is taking after my side. But they started at the same weight!

Welcome to parenting.
People live giving their unasked for opinion.
I was in mothercare with DS2 when he was about 3 months and a woman called her mother over to gawp at how small DS was and how her newborn had been bigger apparently!
It's weird.
Ignore, ignore, ignore.

Our favourite response to these comments was ‘they don’t make diamonds as big as bricks’

How much does she weigh, OP? 6lb7 at 38 weeks is perfectly respectable, mine was a similar weight at 37 weeks and was over the 50th centile.

My MIL regularly comments on how ‘tiny’ and ‘small made’ my daughter is, despite the fact she’s bang on average 😆 MIL is tiny and I think she just wants to believe DD is taking after her, and not my side of the family who are very tall.

I think people project a lot onto babies if they have hang ups from their own baby days.

I'm not sure how much she weighs at the moment as I've stopped weighing her and HV hasn't visited since she was 8 weeks (she's 16 weeks atm) - but she has always followed her curve in her red book and recently looks like she has actually gained weight faster rather than lost it or anything like that. She is 3 months and 3 weeks and still just about fits into 0-3 months clothes with the odd item at 3-6 months fitting too but my fave being 2-4 month clothes from H&M which fit really nicely.

It helps knowing I'm not alone with these comments though and that others do find it frustrating too

People can't judge the size of babies accurately. If you have two side by side you can, but not one on their own.

My eldest was long and skinny. The only direction she grew was lengthways. Her sister was tiny and slow growing... but because she is a wider build than her sister, people mentioned how chubby she was... she was on the 25th centile for weight, and 9th for height!

If they are happy, alert, plenty of wet and dirty nappies.. these are the signs they are well. Not their perceived weight.

My daughter was under 6lbs at birth, but long; my mum said she looked like a 'skinned rabbit'! I had the 'she'll grow' comments too. I used to reply 'small, but perfectly formed'. She's all grown up now, and an average size. Try not to let it bother and enjoy your baby.

Maybe get her weighed just so you can say ‘She weighs X so is absolutely fine, thank you’. Also for your peace of mind, 8ish weeks is quite a while to go without being weighed at that age. I go by clothes sizes a lot though, so she sounds perfect.

My DD was tiny, on 8th centile. She is now a beautiful young woman who is about 5'4" slim and perfectly formed. Do not listen to what other people say.

@MrsTerryPratchett

I’m genuinely interested in and delighted by my nephews

How fun for you. But my point is, what is there actually to talk about that's not contentious when they're small? Food is a no no for many reasons. Sleep, I would have murdered you and anyone who suggested anything around sleep. Size and shape is out, referencing this thread. What else is there? Mum recovering from birth? No thanks.

What can you actually say? I was being facetious about Dostoyevsky (I thought that was obvious) but even a 3 yo, "nice t shirt, you like unicorns then?"

If you’re not very good at talking to people with babies here are some stock phrases you can deploy as needed:

Isn’t he cute?

Do you think he has your colouring or his dad’s?

Can I make you a cup of tea?

How are you feeling?

Doesn’t he have a lovely face?

She really suits blue!

That’s a beautiful onesie

Did someone knit you that cardigan, it’s lovely

All nice, easy, straightforward things to say which don’t shame people for the size of their babies.

Shame people?
Tbh, most comments I've ever heard about babies relate to their size. It's really the first thing that comes into people head's when they see a new, relatively unformed human being with very little else to differentiate them from any other baby.
Why do you think birth announcements always include the weight?

Mine were both full term and 6lbers, I grow small babies (as did my mother, aunt and grandmother). I got comments from family, friends and healthcare professionals in the USA that they were small right up until school age, I told them to get lost! I demand fed them (breastfeeding) until 26 months each and offered healthy balanced home cooked food. Thankfully my mother had kept my baby record book and I grew on the same track as my DD's did so it gave me confidence in my ability to feed them

Sorry, I meant she has been weighed since 8 weeks and I was weighing her weekly til I realised I was getting obsessive about it which wasn't healthy, so now I have stopped for the last few weeks. When HV next comes over we will see how much she weighs

I have a dinky little girl. She never had any fat rolls at all. People thought she was adorable because she was so tiny. Later, they thought she was super advanced because they assumed she was a lot younger than she actually was and couldn’t believe she was walking/talking etc. I said nothing and just basked in her reflected glory!

Just ignore the comments, OP. Babies grow. Some people are small and some are big. Or wait until she starts walking at an entirely normal 12/13 months and people think she’s an enigma because she’s the size of an average 8 month old.

@Lolalovesmarmite she sounds so cute 😂🥰

I've been told 'oh, my child has such a good appetite, that's why they are so tall' or 'children are tall now thanks to better nutrition' or 'my boys are so tall because they had a glass of milk every day growing up'. What a load of nonsense, I really resent the implication that I'm starving my children because they aren't as tall as your children. I just tell people 'there's no virtue in being tall'.