Party protocol

[Opalfeet]

My little one at nursery been invited to a party, we don't know the mum or the girl. Obviously the mum has asked nursery to give invites out to everyone- how lovely!

So we will be going because my son says he would like to go to eat cake 🤣

Its traditional, local church hall etc. So what about siblings? I know people have said it's cheeky on here before, but I think that's normally been for full on parties booked at special venues. Do I just ask? Happy to leave him at home, but equally it would be easier for me to take him.

Also how much to spend on a present and do I just guess what to buy a little girl?

Thanks everyone

@R00tat00tt00t just to qualify I didn't say they'd chosen a traditional party to keep it cheap. Btw I think it's actually refreshing that people still do traditional parties as that's what I remember from being a child! None of this fancy pants.

My thinking was more that he wouldn't really incur extra expense. Needless to say, I've listened to advice and I won't be mentioning it to parent when I RSVP.

I wouldn’t take sibling or ask. You’ve got an alternative, so why does your older child not get to do something without the younger one tagging along?

I like books as presents, or the pp suggestion of Orchard Games is good. Anything with a gift receipt is brilliant.

@AnkleDeep

Please don't take sibling. If siblings were welcome it would have said so on the invitation.

It's rude to even ask because the hostess may feel obliged. Just leave sibling at home.

This. It’s unfair and rude to ask.

At 4 you might be expected just to drop her . Just ask they parents when you arrive if they want you to stay and help.

If they don’t , try not to bring sibling at pick up time. It always looks like you are fishing for an extra party bag.

It’s not so bad with older siblings - at 6 they understand that it’s for the party guests only. But nothing’s worse that a two year old having a full blown tantrum while their parent wrings their hands helplessly and says in their parenting performance voice

“ No darling I’m so sorry but you can’t have a party bag. Only Sophie is allowed one . I know you are dreadfully upset but that’s the rules I’m afraid. “

I reckon you'll go to the party and lots of people will have brought their toddlers/younger kids...

@Opalfeet Apologies if I got that wrong and went on a bit of a rant, I may have misinterpreted your comments on affordability.
I agree it is refreshing to have a traditional party rather than yet another competition between parents as to who can organise the most extravagant party. As long as the kids have fun it's a winner. However, from experience of having hosted years of parties in halls, at home or activity based venues I've found the hall option most stressful. The onus is on you, the host, to make sure everyone's having fun, safe, fed, everyone's got a party bag etc which is why I recommend no extra siblings if possible.
Go and have a lovely time chatting with the other parents and enjoy watching your eldest with their friends. The big, whole class parties only last a few years and then they tend to get smaller based on friendship groups.

@IMOGEN was also wondering if I do just drop off? I'd assumed that they'd want parents to stay? I think kids parties were always drop off when I was a child, even at 3 but I guess things have changed

@Comedycook that will be interesting to find out/see 🤣

Yeah @R00tat00tt00t the whole class party thing is nice isn't it! Will be interesting to see his nursery 'friends' he's a bit antisocial so never refers to any by name 🤦‍♀️

How do you know only the children from nursery will be going? The mum might have invited cousins and friends from outside of nursery too. I think it's very rude to ask.

It won't just be a hall, they might have paid for an entertainment where it's pay per child, and they will have made the right number of party bags. I'd ask if there's space but say "please don't do x a party bag"

@Oneofeachclub I don't know, I never assumed that. I assume that there will be her friends from close friends and family too.

@RobinPenguins you say that like my older child has it hard.. it's actually my younger child who never gets one to one time with me, older child does loads of stuff on his own...inc going to nursery two days a week.

For a 4yo party I would expect to stay not drop and go - esp if your child isn't used to them yet.

Pressie ideas: my four year old girly girl loves
Colouring
Unicorns
Rainbows
Arts and crafts :)

I do feel you’re resistant to advice OP but maybe in reading it wrong. Don’t take the other child. Buy a book. Don’t assume it’s a cheap traditional party just because if the location. I’ve seen some extremely expensive hall parties with 50 + children, custom decorations, multiple paid party hosts, paid activities and a bouncing castle - and that was all at one party. Just take the advice until you know what’s burns in your social circles.

Normal, not burns.

£5-10 for a gift. I think its ok to take a sibling. However, they should understand they are not part of the party so don't get to join in or have food or cake or a party bag.
It is then down to the host to invite them to join in-or offer a plate of food. If people have a spare or a drop out or its insignificant they often do offer. Really depends on the nature of the party.

If you think your child will be unable to understand possibly not being able
To join in-leave them elsewhere. If they would be able to sit nicely with a boredom kit go for it.

If its a softplay or whatever you can pay to play with them but they wont get party food.

@ThePoint678 how am I resistant to advice? I think I mentioned it seemed unanimous and I'd not be taking him 🙄 I'm asking because I don't know the protocol and ive seen people planning parties and advice given was do extra for siblings too

@ThePoint678 maybe you are reading it went wrong, or you just haven't read my replies at all...see post I made at 10.11 yesterday

But yeah I'm resistant to the advice about books as I think that's a boring present. Deffo going to think about arts and crafts type things and thsoe orchard games someone else mentioned

Every party I've ever taken either of mine to have had other siblings there, plus all the ones I've organised. I'm not sure what everyone is doing with their other children not everyone has somebody else to give siblings to.

If it's softplay or some other public activity, parents pay for their extra children to come in. No worry for the party host.

If it's in a hall or whatever, the siblings sit with the parents, no party food or games. It's not hard.

I'd feel like a right arsehole if I was making so much work for other parents for the sake of a party.

I'd say around £10 for a present.

Usually when I've rsvp'd to the party I've said what present would she like or what's she into. Usually about £10 limit is what I go for and no siblings. I've had people turn up with siblings and it is a bit of a pisstake. I've allowed it when people have asked for a specific reason

Books aren't boring.

How odd.

@00100001 I think they make for a boring and unimaginative present. Just my opinion and I think I'm entitled to have one. We have books coming out of our ears, we get 20 from the library every week, dolly sends us two a month and we visit the second hand regularly too. If I received a book as a present I wouldn't be that impressed so I wouldnt want to give a book as a present 🤷‍♀️

@Myusernameisnotmyusernameno I think I will do this, as I'd rather get something the girl would like